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Advice:
Help with a PTSD sufferer
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I am completely devastated with my partner of 5 years who suffers with PTSD. He is a Vietnam Vet and served for 30 months. I have read a great deal on PTSD and went through many valleys with him. I would like to know from other sufferers with this disease..do PTSD sufferers have major problems with 'trust' issues?

I ask this question due to the fact that he was to attend my son's wedding a week ago..and when I returned home from the hairdresser he had packed his bags and run away.....I am still in shock.

He won't answer his phone etc. and is full of anger..at 'what' I do not know..any suggestions for me? I need to know how to recover from this behaviour from him.............when a friend did manage to speak briefly to him..he stated he was ''miserable and did not want to talk'' and hung up on the person.

Any suggestions would be helpful..he was my whole life and now is gone.

IrisW
Posted on 09/17/08, 02:13 pm
13 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Advice
Reminder: This is a support group for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

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Advice:
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Reply #1 - 09/17/08  7:45pm
" PTSD sufferers are all different and have different experiences and symptoms. You can't categorize us all and ask if we have trust issues. Some do and some don't. He may just need some time to deal with things and maybe you just don't understand well enough to help him. "
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Reply #2 - 09/17/08  9:09pm
" Thank you for taking the time to help explain matters to me..............IrisW "
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Reply #3 - 09/17/08  9:52pm
" Yes i have trust issues and i don,t alway feel safe . If i go hyper i can hear the tumblers in a lock as you put the key in it with shooting plugs in and through 2 closed door.
sometimes i do not want to be around anyone . I had my couson wedding 2 weeks ago and i was a wrick before it was over.I had a chemical drop and was in bed for the hole next day. "
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Reply #4 - 09/17/08  10:37pm
" Sometimes, if one's life has blown up, it can be very rough to be with people living normal happy lives. It hurts. Weird, I know. It's like the happy people take things for granted and are oblivious to the suffering in the world...

So something like attending a wedding can be very weird or it can be fine or it can be great or it can be awful.

I'd say the best you can do is just let this guy know that you care and you are ready to listen and to talk and to try and understand. That's the best. I hope it works out for you and for him. "
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Reply #5 - 09/17/08  10:44pm
" My most heart felt 'thanks' to Winndi and Janthina for helping me understand and cope better. I understand my man's need to live in ''solitary'' and know he doesn't like crowds or loud, un-expected noises. He is a ''loner'' by choice and I respect that and understand. How I wish we could have found this site together when he was still here living with me..such a shame...but I am most grateful for all and any sharing people choose to do here......we are here on this Earth to ''help'' one another..There is a wonderful book called: Nam Vet by Chuck Dean..who also has PTSD..it is a real eye-opener for those that suffer with PTSD and those that live with them...IrisW "
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Reply #6 - 09/18/08  8:44am
" Noise can be bad I did not even fell safe at church. Any movement or noise and I was looking . When in a place that I don't no I have even keep my hand on my knife.

some have seen thing that we hope other never go through.The biggest fight and the darkest place in the world ,is in your mind. But God is there to .

there is also the problem with self esteam , and sometimes you feel like it is wrighten all over you . I was treated bad after my problem and did more damage then needed.

a soldier was tought not to talk about it are it would kill there carear. That may be why he does not say much are want you to talk to his DR. at the VA.

Tell him I said thank you for his service.

I saw one of my employees shot 16 times by the police. "
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Reply #7 - 09/18/08  2:39pm
" I can't tell you what all the symptoms of ptsd are. I've only just been diagnosed with it. But I can try and tell you how I feel.

I feel as if I move too fast, I will break. I don't want anyone in my home except my husband and I want him and only him. I become frightened if someone knocks at the door or if someone I didn't expect calls on the telephone. I feel alone and vulnerable and when I'm really upset, I have terrible nightmares. I'm not lonely by myself...I feel safer. I live in a gated community so that I can say no if someone wants to come here. At least I am forewarned when they do come.

When I have to go out, it takes every ounce of my energy and determination to make myself go out the door. I have panic attacks too...they make me feel as if I can't breathe. I can't be in a closed place and I need to sit with my back to a wall so I can see who comes into whereever I am. And when I return home I feel as if I want to put bars across the door so no one can come in and I sleep because in my bed, under my blankets I feel safer.

My husband knows now to invite anyone into our home and I know that isn't fair to him but I can't help it. But my children come sometimes and bring their friends and I want to run away. I don't know how to describe to my family the feelings of fear that I have and how invaded I feel when them come here...and yet I love my children and want to see them. I'm so confused. I don't want to harm anyone else but I can't fix me...so maybe leaving is the solution.

I hope this helps you understand...and maybe you could very gently go and see your mate and talk with him quietly. Don't yell, don't scream and don't frighten him. But understand that he is miserable and probably very lonely without you. "
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Reply #8 - 09/18/08  3:01pm
" So nice to hear from you Winndi..as I learn more as you share with me.

Sprytling your posting touched my heart so much and I feel for you. Its a hard thing to live with, PTSD, and it requires so much understanding of this for ''you'' as well as those dear and near to you.

You helped me so much realize how terrible things can be. I know my partner also feels ''safer'' living by himself..behind locked doors. He won't answer his phone..and I am in Canada and he, in the United States for medical help. But, the VA is so slow..not much progress has been made.

He always sleeps with the blankets ''over'' his head..as it makes him feel more secure. I am sure you know why he feels like this.

I am most grateful for your in-put here and wish you and all those that suffer with PTSD
to somehow cope and I wish I had a miracle for all of you.

PTSD is not an easy thing to live with..so..all I can add is: Be gentle with yourselves, for you are not alone.

IrisW "
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Reply #9 - 09/18/08  6:39pm
" If it helps you, I have done this. It is not something against you, it is a way of making sure that some major breakdown does not happen in a public place or with tons of people around. Mostly, myself anyhow, I panick. Running away is part of it. You feel it coming so you pack it up and go. I am working with someone that gets some info on PTSD for West Virginia University it is mostly used on the vets coming back from Iraq and other past vets...it is a new process...You may want to encourage him to look into something like that...I will see if I can find out more info for you. They say it is a new technique and seems to be working...hang in there...he was just trying to save you from the humiliation he feels you will have if he has a major episode in that particular situation. I have a journal entry called Amped...trust me it can happen anytime to someone and mostly on occasions with a lot of people...for me anyhow...good luck hun *hugs* "
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Reply #10 - 09/18/08  6:45pm
" Thanks Michellegirl....I guess I did not realize the ''seriousness'' of crowds and how it might affect him. As we have been in crowds before, but never a wedding and it was my son's wedding..I think he felt ''insecure'' about going etc. And, yes..he panicked, the problem being..I cannot contact him..as he won't pick up his phone..nor answer his emails..so I must just sit and wait and hope he is okay.

Your posting gave me more valuable ''insight''..you folks are all so nice here, willing to share your own issues with PTSD..ty so much...........IrisW "

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