What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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Watching you cry, no remorse.
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What is happening when your mate has hurt your feelings to the point you are crying and shows not one ounce of remorse?
I have been with this man for 15years and he's been emotionally abusive and sometimes physical for most of the relationship. Over the last year and a half he had tried to improve but as of late he has relapsed into the monster that he once was. My car is breaking down(10 years old, 122k miles). I have 3 kids under 10 and I drive alot. I also live in the Midwest where it gets very cold. I know the car wont survive this winter. I told him that we need to talk about getting one and he got angry and told me that he may help me with a little down payment but WOULD NOT co-sign. I know I would need his help because my credit is not good at all. After that he started stonewalling me. It has been 31 days today. A living hell to say the least. I've had lots of crying episodes out of sadness and despair. He told me to leave him alone and that I get on his nerves. After that he just sits there and watches me in pain. It's something I can't understand. I can feel his energy building as if he wants to get really angry. Any time I try to bring up the subject of how he's been treating me over the last 30 days, he gets defensive and mad and says more hurtful things. Today he told me if I think he's so bad then I should just leave. He said nothing I say will make him change his mind about the car. BTW, his car is newer and much nicer. He washes it and keeps it clean. My car is falling apart day by day. The window doesn't roll up and it has rained in it and it's beginning to sour. Every warning light is illuminated on the dash. I'm so hurt that he won't help me. He's a bastard. He's so cold. I feel so alone because either my friends are avoiding me because they're uncomfortable or my family just wants me to go ahead and make peace with him. I'm so confused. I just want to melt away. I can't get out of bed today. My smoking has increased. I can't focus. I'm trying to practice self care but its hard. I feel like moving to my moms for a few days because when he's home is when I get tense and feel emotionally ill. Any advice you all can give would not go unappreciated. Thank you for reading. Posted on 11/07/09, 09:11 pm |
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I wonder if you should do a free consultation with a lawyer first, before leaving the house. AFter you go to the domestic violence place, they may be able to give you paperwork as well.
If he makes so much more money than you do, you have a legal right to child support. I would keep this very quiet, though. And obviously not let him know what you're doing.. 
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Vonnie,
Thank you for commenting. I read and re-read all of the comments here. They are so validating for me. Yesterday, after all of the abusive texts from Saturday telling me to just leave, or NOT co-signing for a car is his final answer, etc. He sent me a text that said, "Can we call a truce?" I wrote back and said, "A truce would mean that I'm at war. No truce necessary. I'm at peace with myself and with you for the sake of our children." He wrote back and said, "That's all I ask." Yeah right! More gaslighting attempts. Generally, it has been me begging to not be hurt, asking him what's wrong and to please get help. This time, I could care less. This is the longest silent treatment I've ever endured without begging to be acknowledged. I think he knows this. I've not budged and don't intend to. I know that leaving is a process and I'm ok with being patient. You and everyone else are so right in saying that it's time to get off the rollercoaster. I don't even ride them in real life even though they only last 5 minutes. I don't plan to ride an emotional one any longer. I'm tired and I deserve a better life even if I'm alone, at least I'll be with the person who cares the most and that is ME. Thanks again for your support and encouragement, it really helps!
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Transform...thank you. Calling the abuse shelter will allow me to get free counseling for my kids and I. Sadly, I've been down this road before. We all started to get healthier. I took steps to get him out of the house. Restraining orders,etc. He left for 1 year.
I sought non for profit legal counsel. I got all the way to the point that the decree was written and ready to be filed and I, like a battered woman, asked him one more time for change. He accepted and I broke and found myself happier for about a year. We actually did date night, laughing and joking increased, he bought nice gifts, etc. But I was lying to myself because in between there were arguments that exhibited the same behaviors, and again, I'm at the same nasty fork in the road. He has relapsed all the way back to the nasty behavior 2 years ago. Not even a skip or a trot. He RAN back to the behavior all in a 30 day period. Yes, he makes alot more than me. He would have to pay royally. I want to make a step toward this but I'm not ready yet. Frankly, I'm scared. I want to be prepared. I will be sure to keep you all posted as this group provides me with great encouragement and support. I don't want to be trapped in this mess. I want a life of peace, tranquility, good credit, reliable cars, and healthy children. *hugs to you*
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My ex told me that crying was manipulative...period. I learned not to cry in front of him or he would just yell at me. How horrible is that?!
I wonder if your parents would co-sign for a new car for you? It could be your vehicle to freedom, to escape this man who abuses you so horribly. Hang in there, hon, and keep your eyes on the prize of freedom and peace, for you and your kids.
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Thank you Wvartgirl...thank you!
My mom is my saving grace. Although she says she understands abuse and has experienced it before. She never got any REAL help and pushes for families staying together. She's very old school. However, she will support me in anything I do. I realize I am lucky to have her. She loves me and her grandchildren ALOT. If I need her to do it, she will without the blink of an eye. I'll be just fine. I just need to make the step. Just need to jump! It's coming. :-)
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Stargazer - you sound exactly like me. If you don't belive it read my journals. He will never change. Thank God for Mother's who are there for us. Keep yourself and your children safe. But get out of there as fast as you can and don't look back again. When he sees you upset, it only fuels his need to hurt you more. They are only happy when we are hurting and vulnerable. They know we will do anything to keep the peace and they take full advantage of it.
The sooner you get yourself and your children away from him, the better. I know it's not easy, but just keep in mind that what you are doing is better for you and the children. Take care of you and them and stay safe no matter what!
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Hi, happens every day with me. I get sad and cry and he doesn't seem to care. I have finally come to the conclusion that he REALLY DOESN'T CARE! I think Calm had a good plan. Please don't be like me...32 years.I wish you strength and freedom...HUGS.
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It is about control. They feel off balance unless they feel in total control of everything. Including you.
My H does inflict pain on me because in his mind, I know nothing, or he is not willing to admit I might know something more than him, and deep down inside he knows that. He needs to control that so he is not caught off guard and left feeling out of control, and the more pain he inflicts on me, the more he thinks I will listen, obey, be submissive so as to not to get "more pain". So, they do enjoy it, cause they think their plans are working and that is he wouldn't be causing me pain if I was right. He's causing me pain so I will learn that what I'm doing is wrong. It is a sick, mind game for them. Much like, when you punish a child, so they will know right from wrong. Like they've never grown up, they're still resorting to child punishment, so to speak.
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my husband can watch me cry,see me in pain and not flinch..
almost as if i don't exist all. i truly believe that they get off on it.or at least mine does. the worst part is when they act(even thoguht they are smart)as if they no clue as to what is wrong..when they clearly do.. i wish you the best..i feel i lost my strength and belief in getting out of this.. i cant tell you to much as i am still in this deep..except no it wont get better.. one question for me is HOW THE HECK THEY ACT SO NICE IN BETWEEN?how then they seem to care so much..then the light switch is flicked and nothing matters again.from the person that is supposed to care fro you more than anyone in the world. the back and forth gets me..i guess i will never know..
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