Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Yep.....I had a run-in with a narcissist.

Funny, putting a label on it somehow makes me feel a little better. I had a really good session with my therapist last night, and she told me to direct my anger towards him....man, I had been directing it all on myself!

Understanding him now (and realizing how many red flags there were that I didn't recognize) and realizing that I was such an easy target for him....wow.

I consider this one of my biggest challenges in life so far. How to move past this and never put myself in this position again. I think I will survive.

I've come to realize in the last month, that I'm married to a Narcissist. A life changing experience indeed. It even feels funny to type it but very awakening.

I'm married to a narcissist.
I'm married to a narcissist.
I'm married to a narcissist.

I especially like this part because it it so true.

He devalues sources of supply, callously and off-handedly abandons them, and can discard people, places, partnerships, and friendships unhesitatingly.

All a narcissist wants in his life is his fix. Nothing or noone else matters.

I'm was the emotional abuser in my marriage. What you're saying is very true.

I've been diagnosed with functional depression, but my Dr. has informed me that once this is under control, then we will move to treating my narcissistic behavior.

My point is that my behavior was developed over many many years as some sort of defense mechanism and when I would try to get close to anyone, I would get scared and lash out. I felt like I was losing control, so I would try to do anything to regain control at any expense.

So the abused person is never the cause, the fault always rests with the abuser. But this may be a result of psychological reasons that haven't been dealt with. I'm just saying we're not evil, we're sick; and if we can get healing then we can stop destroying lives.

Wooooo Good for you!!...But I'm not sure why you're speaking for all abusers? You're certainly not speaking for mine?

'I'm just saying we're not evil, we're sick; and if we can get healing then we can stop destroying lives'

Mine will never want or get healing..because a huge character defect of nasty controlling abusers...Is that the huge majority refuse to admit that they DO abuse....Eugh they deliberately abuse...Its all part of the control...abuse and then deny the abuse.

I can say with complete confidence after 17yrs with mine. That he IS EVIL...and he yes IS very sick....But no...he definitely won't stop destroying more lives.

If abusers admitted their abuse..and got help and did heal..This forum would not exist...If they even thought it was very wrong..they would stop abusing. But they don't.

Also thanks..But I really didn't need a self confessed abuser to tell me that it never was my fault. I knew that already. And even if i hadn't known it..I wouldn't want any abuser to try to put my mind at ease over it thanks.

In my opinion...I don't need you around in this forum that I feel safe in...Or any abuser..I came in here to recover from and to get away from abusers...

You might get some abused women here saying good for you for admitting that you are a still a sick abuser who destroys lives..And who needs healing??..Poor lovely honest abuser?...But it sure won't be me.

I didn't join here to give any prizes or praise to any abuser who admits that they abuse...Or to thank them for explaining it for me or for saying that they can't help it?...

Josh40 you are a typical example of a narcissist...An abuser making out they are looking to help the victims of abuse here..AFTER their abuse?..When you admit that you are STILL an abuser who hasn't even begun yet to get any treatment for your abusive narcissistic behavior.

Good luck to you..But you're in the wrong forum.

This forum is for the ABUSED....Not ABUSERS.

Just as a side note: People who have NPD rarely admit to it and seek help. Were you diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or did you therapist say you have some N tendencies? You may want to do some research on the subject yourself, and understand how unhealthy narcissism develops. I'm not going to lie, full blow NPD is very horrific to have an completely incurable.

A true Narcissist IS an evil person, imo. They understand what they are doing to their victims, and actually find pleasure in it. They ruin lives and go through people like used tissues. We are objects to them, that is all.

I for one, don't feel sorry for ANY abuser, especially a pathological one. Too many of us here have had our lives torn to shreds, turned upside down, have been severely damaged, have spent countless hours (and money!) at therapists, some fighting their a**es off to keep their kids away from their abusive parent, and do what we can some days just to hang in there and make it through without breaking down.
I've seen too many examples of once vibrant, healthy victims whose main objective now is to just have enough motivation to get off the couch and get dressed.

Many of us started out in a great place, good people who are smart, successful, and had a lot going for them. But eventually, were turned into sad, desperate, confused, depressed...the list goes on...women (and men) who wonder what the HELL hit us??

We were delicious prey to our predators. So having an abuser here, even with some narcissistic tendencies is extremely triggering and hurtful to the group....I don't want to speak for everyone, but I think several here may feel that way.

I strongly encourage you to start a separate group for abusers where you can share your similar stories & gain support.

As far as your wife is concerned, the best thing you can do is to LEAVE HER THE HELL ALONE. And hopefully, if you have children, you are supporting them financially.

Sorry...I didn't mean to hurt anyone here and I'll stay out of your forum.

Be well ladies.

Yes, I find it very rare, that a narcicistic person would get on here and admit they are one. You can't really be a narcicist. Cause they would never admit it, ever and not only that, they just don't think there is anything wrong with them. You have been misdiagnosed, sorry.

Very very well said calm....

Actually when abusers hit a stage in life when their abuse can't be hidden easily anymore....They often admit it only to get out of trouble....But it is well documented that they actually have no intentions of changing.

Some use their admission of it as a get out of jail card?...Or they sometimes attend batterers programmes...To 'look good'.

The thing is....If you KNOW that you are causing another pain...and continue to do it....There is NO acceptable excuse for it....

When my ex beat me.....First he denied it to the police...THEN he minimised it by saying I was drunk..and 'fell' against a wall?..And that he was only very kindly trying to stop me hurting myself and to stop me from getting hurt???....and THEN he texted me to tell me that 'you got what you deserved slut'...

You can't trust an abuser...No matter how sweet they sound...Or no matter how sorry or understanding they claim to be.....Their only redemption is in the change of their behaviours for good....And as calm so eloquently said....The behaviours don't change..they don't stop. This abuser here admits that they haven't even got any help yet???

Also did he beat his ex also?..Did he do it in front of his children?....Him admitting it here..Doesn't mean he hasn't?? And also doesn't mean he won't again?

I would feel pretty sick if my abuser came in here and said oh pity me..I am not well?..and if others were then kind and sweet towards him?....That would totally condone his abuse of me..In my eyes?..

Some facts that are well known and which can be counted on are...They always try to look good to others.....They always manipulate....They are usually in denial....They are liars.....They clearly see anothers pain...But they continue to hurt others...DELIBERATELY.....Not that they can't 'help it'....Your pain is their aim! And its all like he said and admitted here.....is about control....

I have as much sympathy as my ex had for me....Especially when he was whacking me off the ground..and i was begging him to stop..and he had a little smirk on his face?....

Not to mention all the times he made me cry...and didn't care...and then when he refused to speak to me for weeks afterwards also?..

Someone admitting they are an abuser and that they will get help.....Sadly in my experience..is proof of nothing....Mine admitted it at times?..and even did anger management once?..That meant nothing..he didn't change one bit...

The proof for me would be...To talk to his woman and/or children in a years time?..and see if any of that was true?..the chances are...Highly highly unlikely...

.Abusers have as much sympathy from me...As they afford their victims....