Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I wish I had the answers to those questions. Part of it for me is that now- in a funny way, I pity him. I do wonder why I'm not one of those girls that would have been gone in a NY instant. It makes me feel weak. I once read though that it takes strength to be vulnerable and open your heart to someone. I do think that is true. Hope you feel better soon.

I still have guilt with myself about hurting someone who hurt me. It's something that will never be easy. I think why we feel so much hurt for hurting someone that hurt us is because it's not normal for us to hurt someone. Most people do not get a "high" on hurting other poeple so when we do it unintentionally we feel like a bad person. When in reality we are doing what is right. Most people are not selfish people so when we are forced to go and hurt someone it's such a adnormal feeling. Again with loving someone else more then we love ourselves. I feel that our brains are tuned to make others feel good and loved. Not ourselves. We are programed to please others. So it's second nature for a lot of people to put ourselves first. Soemthing a lot of us MUST learn how to do. We all need our "selfish" time. The feelings continue to fester inside oneself and that is why we continue to let things bother us. It hit home so hard and it's so not understandable as to why someone could treat someone else in such a way that this person treated us. It's something that you could always have sometimes let bother you more then other times. It's something that you will probably always have to just talk about here and there. It can be helped but it can be very hard to work through feelings such as these kinds. But the things that poeple taht have been hurt have to remember that non of the pain that was caused is there fault. You did what you needed to to make yourself better and improve and take care of yourself. There is no guily for taking care of yourself. Get together with a girl friend and have a girls night where you just complain about men all night and watch movies. You would be surprised how much it eases the mind. I hope all works out for you! Good luck!!! :)

Because we are compassionate, empathetic people. They are anything but, and don't deserve it those gifts from us.
Don't lose those great qualities about yourself, just redirect them to people who truly care about you.

Also, it takes a heck of a lot of work to heal through this, there are so many variables involved. It takes quite some time, therapy, and support to 'deprogram' yourself. So, be kind to yourself, and realize that June is still pretty fresh....have patience, there is no short-cut, unfortunately.

Idk...HOnestly, I don't think my abuser is hurt by my leaving in the traditional sense of the word. I don't think he's capable of the kind of emotions that most people feel. If he was "hurt" it was because he lost control. It was because he now had to do for himself, everything that I did for him. And, because it was an act...it was a manipulation, to make anyone who was listening think I was a cold cruel bitch, and that he'd done nothing wrong.

But truly, In the same way they cannot feel empathy for anyone else, especially us, I think they cannot really hurt, because they cannot really love. When you put their "hurt" in the context of abuse and what abuse is really all about, POWER and CONTROL, they aren't hurting. There's no need to feel guilt, In the words of Rihanna's song, they are "Only sorry they got caught."