Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

You can't talk or have a rational conversation about your relationship problems with a narcissistic abuser. They will shut up or tell you that it's all your fault...why bother? Do not expect good, real or honest communication....sorry, it's just not possible.

Hugs to you for your pain, I know how you feel.

p.s.--you are not an idiot...he is.

I'm one of those emotional abusers. Before I learned that I had depression among other issues, I was completely unable to see that I was the problem. The first marriage counselor didn't see my psychological problems so she counseled us like we both had something to give. That was a mistake. Wvartgirl is right that you cannot have any type of conversation until your husband gets the therapy he needs.

Our second counselor brought my problems to light, but by then it was too late. I hope that you can convince your husband to seek help so that you two can have a chance at repairing your relationship.

Lastly, when it comes to abusers, the victims are never to blame! The abuser probably came with problems long before you two ever met.

I wish you well.

Hey.

I'm afraid that you either won't be able to get your husband to admit what he's done, or if you do, you won't be able to get him to understand it fully because he was the one doing it and he's been denying it to himself all this time and saying it was your fault. it's very hard to get an abuser to suddenly understand just because you tell them. it kind of has to come from outside, if at all. there are change programmes that apparently can help if the abusie person is willing to accept responsibility and wants to change, but otherwise its just likely to be words words words.

concentrate on yourself. if he never understood those problems before, and never acknowledged the abuse before, i'm afraid he isn't going to suddenly understand them now. he might pretend to because the control is being taken away from him, and he might even say it is all his fault. mine has. but he hasn't done the full course i told him about. he says that he's read up and knows what he did now and how it efected me. but, the language changes - from it being just about what he did on the day he left, or about what he did in the last month... when it started out being about what he did for the whole relationsip. (which it was for a lot f the time). but thats how you know its probably just words. they say they hear you. understand you.. but then if you give it a couple of months and you get them to tel you what they did, it won't be what you told them.

please think about what you want in the future. think about yourself. hugs.

Hello feel ----

I'm sorry for your pain.

First ----- and last ------ you can't "talk to" an abuser.

The premise of talking with someone is founded on relationship.

Abusers can't relate.

I'm sorry. You will never reach him.

How can he explain his behavior towards you to you when he hasn't the slightest glimmer of insight into himself, life or anything else?

Please focus on yourself and your vision of a better future. (What you want for your future may not be possible together with an abuser.)

My very best to you. Please take good care.

Ilene