What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
Join Now
|
Mental disorder
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
it's been over a year now and I've gone though counseling, I've worked off the abuser's debts, I'm fixing the house he ruined, I finally have some money to do some nice things with my daughters....
... and now I hear my sister say that meds might help me. She thinks I may have bipolar or some mental disorder because I wont take any blame for my failed marriage! People who blame others for what has happened in their lives should check to see if they are the true problem. Um... am I missing something here? Things are finally turning a corner for me and looking good. I can't even imagine being depressed. I have friends. I have a job. We have food in the fridge. We have more than that abusive husband ever gave us and now I've a mental disorder because I wont take any blame? People... hear me...compromise is not the solution EVER for an abusive relationship. Put the blame where it belongs. There is no justification or excuse for harming your loved ones. It doesn't always take two to have an argument. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to experience love that doesn't make you pay for it or hurt you. Am I right to say that there is only one to blame in abuse? The abuser? Is it a mental disorder now if the victim doesn't take part of the blame so others can have a "right perception"? You tell me... Are we all suffering from mental disorders? Posted on 11/05/09, 11:11 pm |
| 8 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Nope, we only suffer from an excess of empathy. Most relationships break down because it does take 2 people to argue etc. For some it's hard to understand a relationship that can break down because one person does too much to make it work - and the other is abusive.
No, you are never to blame for being abused. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have family, too, that thought I was nuts for leaving my abusive ex. Was your sister ever a witness to the abuse? My ex was so good at playing normal and nice publicly, behind closed doors was when his true self came out.
I used to be greatly frustrated that some people couldn't understand what I had been through, i wanted to take a out a full-page ad in the Washington Post to tell the world what a douche my ex was/is. Now, if those who are close to me don't get it...that is their problem. Maybe your sister needs meds, it's sounds like she is too enmeshed with trying to "fix" you and not herself? Makes me wonder if she has a relationship and what it is like... Livndadrem is right...it is your abuser's fault.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
There are those, sometimes (even frequently) family, who ---- because of their own inner injury ---- are threatened by another's growth and recovery.
It's a waste of our time and energy, to allot our attention to these people. Far better to assign that attention to our continued growth and recovery. Here's what I suggest to my clients, who encounter someone like the sister Lu described above: I suggest they respond: Hhhmmmm. That's interesting. -------- And then totally change the subject. If the offender returns to their first statement, and wants to continue, then say: Thanks. I'll consider what you've said. ------ And then totally change the subject. If the offender returns a third time, terminate the meeting. If you're visiting, leave. If THEY'RE visiting, say that you're suddenly feeling unwell (aren't you?) and they'll have to go, NOW. If you're on the phone, politely but immediately, end the conversation and hang up. And that's that. No one says that [1] you have to engage with them or [2] have to spend your energy either with them, or afterwards, on anything they said. The choice is solely and only YOURS. NOT theirs. Smile on yourself and be protective of yourself, your growth, your wellness. Good for you, Lu. Keep nourishing yourself. Be well. Ilene
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I was an emotionally abusive husband for years. Only at the end of my marriage did I learn that I have functional depression as well as other issues that require medication and therapy.
I was told by my Dr. that I was so emotionally disconnected that I had a clue the problem was me. My wife telling me I had issues only produced explosive rage. I never physically harmed her or our children but I screamed a lot and was typically insensitive. So I was the abuser for reasons that had nothing to do with her. However, my abuse lead to her depression. She took a hit to self-esteem. Our divorce will be final soon. And although she is happy to be out of the abusive relationship, she has admitted that the damage that was done now requires her to seek out clinical help. So you may be happy you're free, but you may have psychological side affects. My wife says she now suffers from post traumatic stress disorder and has frequent panic attacks. You may too. Maybe some counseling might be good for you, not because you are the cause of the abuse inflicted on you but because you suffer from that abuse. Be well.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you all for your input!
I appreciate each one. Josh40, I have been through counseling and it's been over a year and a half. There are understandable hurdles to jump to recover from mental and physical abuse. I believe your wife will need time to overcome her "side effects". Hopefully, in time, she will come to the place I've already gotten to, forgiveness. I imagine you will need to get there as well to deal with what you have inflicted. HOWEVER, she should never take the blame for for your actions. It isn't the cause of a mental disorder to put the blame where it belongs, on the one that abused. Most couple's counseling is geared towards compromised and shared blame. NOT SO for abusive relationships. In fact, such counseling can make it worse for the victim as the abuser tries to find ways to deal with the issues, who is already unable to manage their actions and anger. I know this from experience. I wish you the best in your recovery and finally knowing what has caused you to react as you have. I also hope and pray that you both can come to a point of forgiveness and peace. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Don't feel alone! My husband has managed to make me look like the "Identified patient" as my therapist says. My brother thinks he is the tops and told me that "I should just let go of his balls (sorry). This was after I told him what was going on and my husband visted him and gave him a gift he had wanted to twist it all around. Blame, Blame, blame! I'm not perfect. I've done bad things sometimes BUT I am honest and I have empathy. Glad things are doing for you. Don't believe it for a minute!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
My psychiatrist thought it was my mental health. My internist knew better and checked with me every checkup ... subtly pushing me to get help.
If being nice is a mental illness, commit me.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Yeah, definitely not your fault. It sounds like your sister doesn't get it that he really treated you the way he did, or she just can't imagine what your life with him was like so she assumes you must have done something to provoke his behaviour. Totally not true.
To say that you have a mental disorder is cruel. It sounds like you've been making some pretty sound decisions lately and taking care of yourself and your kids! And by the way, bipolar has nothing to do with feeling blame. It's about having extreme swings from depressive states to manic states. If she's going to name call, at least she could do her homework...
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
