Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

In my opinion, I don't think that a person, man or woman, who hits ANYONE ----- is a great ANYTHING.

My mother was an abusive parent and great to everyone outside. She really despised everyone, but she plastered on a fake smile and charming personality, to look good.

In my opinion, I think it's impossible for a batterer to be a wonderful parent. When you're able to hit someon, you can't teach respect, which is what an effective parent needs to do, starting with respect for self and spreading out to respect for others.

I had an emotionally abusive partner who treated EVERYONE else fabulously, including all the pets. So ----- to the pets ------ he was a loving father. To me, he was an abusive partner. Lucky pet. Unlucky partner.

That's my opinion.

Personally, I don't know how anyone who is abusing their wife, can be considered being a good father. Creating a household where fear and dyfunction keep everyone dancing around the father, whether or not he beats his kids, is abusive, and cruel. It's a long long way from a good father.....A good father loves, honors, and cherishes his wife, and his kid's mother. If he doesn't do those things, then he is the shittiest of fathers.

I agree with both of you honestly. These guys are not good parents if they are abusive, emotionally or physically period. But I'm just trying to see if the claim that sometimes they just are violent towards the woman if true. I ran into a social worker from the state who say they beat the baby too. She told me stories of how the "men" would shake and drop the babies out of frustration and anger especially cause of child support and they don't know how to handle the stress. But though my bf grew up in a very abusive home I don't think his dad attacked him and hurt him like he did his partners.

my opinion/experience:

It is possible that an abuser will not "hit" the child.
However, I can't believe they can be "great father's" either.
Abusers are stuck in currupt thought, self.
A "great father" is selfLESS.

No, my husband didn't harm the children.
But they knew he wasn't a "good" man instinctively.

Hope that helps.

I think the answer is unanimous here....Any person, man or woman, who cannot show respect for others is NOT a good role model of any sort. My abusive partner has never hit me, but he has come very close on many occasions. When he smacks the kids it is a fine line (and me) that prevents him from crossing over and allowing his 'anger issues' to not take total control of him. However he rarely hits them, his anger and abuse is sufficient in making them back down and tuck their tails between their legs...he is an arsehole!!!!

Mine hit me but always swore he'd never hurt our son. I got him out before he got the chance, but I agree with those who say a man cannot be a good father if he is a really crap role model - as any abusive father is. I suspect those who say that their abusive husband is a "great father" are kidding themselves, as we all have done.

Hi Clear! I can only speak from my personal experience....the abuse started with me....however, the more my ex drank.....the angrier he became....and the abuse began with our sons.....initially, only verbal yelling and belittling.....it only took a few weeks....and that was my final straw. Hugs!! Cindi

my father never touched my mother, but always abused me. thats all i can really say about that.

A bit off topic, but this thread is a strong reminder that an abuser IS IN CONTROL OF WHAT THEY DO!

If a person who loved and cared for children and not hit them but hit the mother, this is not a great father. NOT at all. Children see and witness what is going on and children are smart, they know this isn't right. It is a serious and false sense of security if children see this behaviour on a continum and some find that normal, but it is not. In some families all the members have experienced abuse. Some families only the children are abused, and for some it is the mothers who have that experience. It is wrong, it always was and always will be wrong. Violence is something no one has to accept. And abuse comes in so many different forms, physical, emotional, verbal, spiritual, mental, the list goes on and on. Children are precious and even though resilent, they should never have to know abuse at all.

Don't know if this helps but that is the truth of it.