What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
Join Now
|
Letter from Pastor - please read...
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Betty, thank you for your response. Don has good days and bad. He is jealous of your time and reads into it what he sees as a problem. He wants us to deal with it, but I told him that we don't have any knowledge that you have done anything wrong. I sent the following letter to Don,
Don, You treated my phone conversation this morning the same way that you have dealt in the past with Betty. You acted like my opinion did not matter. You said what you wanted to say and did not give my any opportunity to share why I am doing what I am doing. Your opinion is important, but it does not mean that you have a right to monopolize a conversation and close it with your accusations. The Bible teaches in Matthew 18 that church discipline is the last step. It is not the first step. The first step is going to a person and saying what is the issue. But that is with two or three witnesses. The second step is to take someone else, and the third step is to bring it before the elders of the church. We have to do it in order. That is part of God's plan. The idea is not to punish, the idea is to help bring about a change. If you turn people away from God's word in the process, you eliminate the ability of the Holy Spirit to convict them through the Bible. Pastor Betty, I needed to ask you about Randy. I thank you for your response. I still feel that Don is changing and can change and that God is able to do more than we believe is possible. Pastor Posted on 11/05/09, 05:11 pm |
| 11 Replies | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Please tell me he did not ask you to tell him about Randy. Nope! I am sorry but if you must respond, say Randy who? It will be the truth. I really think the Pastor can do the same damage as couple counseling. You don't need to know about what he is telling Don and he doesn't need to tell Don what you are doing. That is just wrong. Sorry but that is my opinion. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm not sure how I would feel in your position.
The word "Burdened" comes to mind. The worst part of being devoted to a church is having the church giving you advise about what goes on in the privacy of your home when they have never seen for themselves what actually takes place there. The pastor got a tiny glimpse of how your ex can be and called him on it. However, the whole thing just hits you right where it hurts if you are committed to the church. What a crappy thing he did running like a little ninny to your sister and what is supposed to be your spiritual support system. And whose business is it anyway if you happen to have a friend to talk to who is of the opposite sex? BFD! Sorry. Once upon a time I was overwhelmed by a wanna-be cult leader. I have avoided "spiritual leaders" ever since. We all know that abusers don't change. Unless by divine intervention. Even then the abuser should have to prove it for a long time (like 20 years or more) before being accepted as changed. Pastor is very misguided on this... Just how devoted to the church are you? Is there another church you can switch to? I find that Non-denominationals are much more willing to accept real-life people with real-life circumstances. Just a thought.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you all... I am getting less devoted all the time, it is the people I like, the fellowship.
I refuse to let someone tell me I have stay married to this person.. My whole household is so much better and happier... He came online just a bit ago and all smiley and like nothing happened, I told him I want a divorce and his crap out of here..end of story My sister has been talking to him and even had him over to her house last weekend for the game, cuz her husband invited him... Whatever....
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
This pastor is just like so many others who just don't understand abuse. He is coming from the side of trying to help mend a normal troubled relationship. His heart is in the right place, I'm sure; that being said, he is overstepping boundaries. I agree with Tame, he doesn't need to be running interference in a situation like this.
The only way he can help Don is if the pastor is experienced in EXORCISM, to expel his demons with the help of divine intervention!!! Seriously.... The pastor needs to learn to differentiate between a victim of abuse and a difficult relationship. Until then, he's doing a disservice to some of the members of the church. Betty, it may be very enlightening for him if you let him borrow some of your reading material on the subject. He has a lot to learn.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Agree with the above. I went through this once too - wasn't abuse that time, but the church still got behind my "husband" who had thrown me out on the street with nothing, so he could be with his mistress. And he got a whole lotta support outta the church, while I got nothing, because I was the one who left so I was wrong.
The pastor has NO right getting in the middle of this unless you both ask him to. He certainly has no right to ask you who your friends are - personally I think he'd have no right even if you were sleeping with Randy. It's just more abuse from the abuser - more taking the supports out from under you, and if they let him take em they aren't much support so you don't need em. Sorry if this offends anybody, but I believe the church should support without judgement and it seems to me the pastor is judging by even taking it to you. Please Betty, for you, just don't talk to the abuser. You don't need that - whether he's smiling, pretending to smile, whatever.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm confused. Could you explain to me why your Pastor has a say in your personal life? Would you get kicked out of your church because you talk to another man?
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I have the same situation going on. I just flat out told the staff that until they read the book "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft I don't want to talk about it. I am told the book has been bought but no one has talked to me about it....it has been 7 months. They are saying i am in sin if I dont want to work my way back into the marriage. They DO NOT know what they are asking me to do. They acknowledge and see the abuse yet do not back me up. I don't get it. In fact I don't get it enough that I have decided to leave that fellowship and find another one. Sad!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi Betty! OK......IMHO, I completely agree with Dee (Lavendar).......please, please, please do NOT tell Pastor anything that your STBX can twist and manipulate against you......like Ilene has said before....couples therapy when abuse, emotional and or physical is involved, just gives the abuser additional ammunition to hurt you with!! Whoooooooooo Hooooooooo girlfriend!! I am sooooooo glad you decided to tell him once and for all that it is finally over!! The most powerful sentence of your last discussion post for me was that you are happier now!! YOU DESERVE THE BEST......and I have no doubt that the Lord has given you the strenght to end this abusive relationship so He can shower you with better blessings in the future!! Hugs!!!! Cindi
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Oops....it was Tame's reply not Dee....blonde moment here in OKC on Friday morning. LOL!! Cindi
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You are all right the pastor doesn't have a place in my personal life, as i told him that God is tne only one I have to answer to and he already knows what is going on, I do not need a whole bunch of men from the church either to decide if I have to stay with an abusers. My sister said it right to me, stbx does not want to go to jail so he will not harm me phyiscally...what a motive to stay with him. Well he will NOT hit me because he doesnt wanna go to jail. I told my stbx I just want to know where he wants his crap and a divorce..I do not want any more contect from him. I told him I could care less what he sends to the Pastor or my sisters...At this point he has not contacted me again.....Hugs to you all..
PS: I did tell my sister that I WILL leave the church if I have too..I refuse to be made an example of.. I have talked so some of the older ladies in the church and they sided with me..I was shocked LOL Love you all...
|
|
|
|
||
| First | Previous | Page: 1 2 | Next | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
