Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

don't know if normal but i did that and ended up with someone just as bad so be careful

I had someone to run to.
I wish I had done it on my own.
While he is nothing near as bad as my Ex, he can still be a huge jerk and sometimes slips into caveman mentality.
I can handle him most of the time and I don't let him rule me for a second, BUT, I wish I did spend more time deciding about him.
Maybe I would have appeared less vulnerable to him.
It is such a vulnerable time for you when you leave. A perfect time for another abuser to move in on you.
Just something to think about.

I ran to someone from a very very mildly abusive relationship. And ended up with someone not far from the devil himself. This time I'm doing it on my own, and I feel so empowered by that, so strong, that I can actually have some hope that one day I will be ready to actually have a healthy relationship with someone who sees me, not someone weak and lacking self esteem.

It is very normal to want someone to help out. This is an incredibly hard thing, and to want someone to take some of that burden is only natural. But like you say, you have to do it yourself, for yourself.

Stay strong.

I definitely wanted someone to run to. The thought of having someone there at the end of this whole thing is appealing.

But...unfortunately, I was too eager in my choice. A classic narcissist sought me out...and low and behold, my situation went from bad to worse.

It sucks not feeling like I have someone to go home to, someone to hold me...geez...even a warm body...but I keep telling myself that I am worth it...that someday, when I am stronger and healed, I will find someone that I will be ready to be a whole person with.

The loneliness comes and goes. Somedays I feel great and independent, and then other days I feel like crawling into bed and not getting out. I hope it eventually evens out.

Zackly how I feel scout. When I do start dating again, which I now think will be soonish (when I can afford someone to look after my little one), I'm gonna take it REAL slow and look for red flags all the time. Which will probably scare off some good ones, but tough. Better than encouraging some bad ones.

The abuse makes you feel so vulnerable and alone...You can dread going from it..To being alone....

But NOTHING is lonlier..than living with an abuser...

Nothing will ever make you feel so alone..

When you start to relearn that you are worth so much more...Being on your own becomes a pleasure..

Trust that away from him..is always going to be better...

could you think of this forum as your wise, ever-caring, always here boyfriend? because it can be that place to run to once you've got out... I've seen people post from mobile phones, friend's computers, libraries...

If that seems like i'm not taking you seriously, believe me, i am. I reckon though that a real boyfriend or new person to run to is a distraction from the task in hand. it probably distracts from you having the time and space to feel and be healed. its a painful process that i've heard many speak of, but it can only really be done by looking inward at yourself, not outward to others for their reassurance of you. Again, friends are really helpful. and here is really helpful. and you should be able to run to both and see them as your havens - but, in the end, it does have to come from you and you do have to do some soul searching on your own (or i guess with a therapist if you are able to express yourself to them.)

And I tell you these things because I don't have a therapist because i thought i could do it on my own. and i don't have any friends that i talk to about this anymore because they told me that at the nd of the day, it had to come from me and they could only say so much. and i have a boy who i wish i could be with but i can't because he's with someone else... and i know that it would be great because the pain about this relationship would immediately lessen, and by not being able to have him makes me feel that actually i'd rather have my was-abbusive ex than nobody! i mean! that cannot bea a healthy position or thought process right? so that's why i reckon you have to do it on your own or you start mistakenly thinking that you need others to verify you and justify you and things. sure, people need to talk when they're down and they need a prod and reminders and everything else... but you can't do what you need to do if you are really wanting someone else to give yourself to whilst your trying to take yourself away from something that sucked so much from you.
that's what i feel, anyway. for waht it's worth.