What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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well he started moving today. he comes in and is angry with me. He got caught trying to hit on my 17 year olds friend (18). says If I put out more it wouldn't have been a problem. says the problem could be fixed by getting rid of everyone else. He hides money, cheats, I think into drugs again, calls me names. his son (21) molested my 10 year old grand dtr and he got him out of the country. so some of the kids have not been allowed over to my house. I have asked him to leave for a year. He's not done moving so he will be back. I know his leaving is a good thing. Now how do I start the healing process.
Posted on 11/02/09, 11:11 pm |
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You have already started the healing process by getting him out, and by coming here. But if you can, get some counselling from someone who knows how to deal with abuse victims. That will help hugely in the healing process. 
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Even though there will be a period of adjustment, I hope you will start pampering yourself and that you will get back in touch with all the things you love to do. I have been on my own for 18 months now and just love having no-one to answer to but myself. There is peace and quiet in the house now, and my daugher seems so much happier. There is lots of laughter in the house and we basically have fun just living life. There are still "no so great days" ... that is life, but by and large, our life is so much better. I think, if stbx didn't impose himself upon us every now and then, there really wouldn't be much in the way of worry or chaos, but by and large our life is improving and we just seem to have fun and get more out of life. It took a while to get to this point, but life can be good when the abuser isn't around 24/7.
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I'm glad you will be rid of him and the abuse. Too bad he has to come back again. Can his stuff be moved to a neutral area so you don't really have to interact with him? As Susan said, there will be adjustments but you might be surprised at how much better you feel and how quickly once he is out of your hair. Take care of yourself. Counseling and books on the subject can really help you understand the dynamics of it all. I wish you peace.
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well done for making this massive step. My only advice to you is that, when you have weak moments, (if you ever do), please don't act on them. give yourself 24 hours to re-consider. whatever he says. whatever he does. give yourslef 24 hours before you respond. Equally if you feel that its worth fighting for for some reason. that the good memories are worth trying for, if he could change, please, talk to others and re-consider before you act on that. I don't think that it's worth the pain of going through the "what if " stage. I should know because I'm there now. I'm not sure that it's worth that pain. You've made your decision- i'm sure you can stick to it because you made it for so many reasons. keep telling yourself that, over, and over again. whatever good things he might have been able to do, none of them matter unfortunately because they came at such a high, impossible price that should never have to be paid.
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You remember his son (21) molested my 10 year old grand dtr and he got him out of the country. That is all I will say.
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