What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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Opinions - one other form of abuse
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After reading the overview of abuse, I'm a little more comfortable asking others how you feel about what I think is abuse from people...in general. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to care what they think. Yea, right!!! Being an extremely sensitive person and having been abused by father, mother, boyfriends, husband...and being a person having NO resources (family, job skills, career) I seem particularly sensitive to OTHER PEOPLE. I am not controlled enough to keep completely silent. Not being able to afford therapy, I try talking to "friends," etc., but for some reason, I seem to always encounter the strong, confident types... which serves to magnify my defects. These people always have plenty of advice, but it is not kind. There is no compassion, no understanding...just advice on how wrong I am and what I should do to snap out of it. I believe they think that reaching out is a form of looking for attention (which is a hideous thing)...but I think that is how they justify not offering comfort. Some seem to think they are divinely appointed to straighten me out, even though they have no qualifications other than their own arrogance.
Does anyone relate? Posted on 07/04/09, 04:07 pm |
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If I could offer some advice as someone who had very little money for many many years...I started with journaling. It's totally free and it was a great basis for all the progress and healing I've done. It helped me feel less like I was crazy because writing about it and then reading it in black and white letters allowed for less room to justify his behaviors. I also happened to become friends with a woman who was one year removed from an abusive situation, so talking with her (which was also free!) helped me work through some issues and identify what was going on. From there, I went to counseling that is almost entirely covered by my insurance--and trust me, I do not have very good health coverage. So it's worth checking into that too...just my two cents. Good luck to you! 
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A good domestic violence agency counselor can help you. It sucks to try to get support from people who just don't get it. Being abused affects us. The agencies have life skills classes and support groups and case managers to help you build a life. I think support from someone who is in a position to help is crucial, and to start focusing on what your needs are instead of seeking the approval from others you never received from your family. Try to do something everyday to build yourself up and put yourself in a positive life so you can get some self approval.
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The domestic violence agency I received counseling and support group services was totally free regardless of income.
I think when we look at what our boundaries are and get help clarifying them then we are less likely to "leak" out things to inappropriate people who are not supportive to us. I had a counselor tell me how common this was when we don't have any support, our cries for help just leak out to whoever happens to be there. We can't change others, we can only recognize who is safe or not and act accordingly. Safe People by Townsend and Cloud and Boundaries by Townsend and Cloud are a books that cover ways of looking at these types of issues in a healing way.
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Loved1,
I have this book. It has been some time since I have read it, but I know these guys at NewLife always say to surround yourself with supportive people. Well...that's all well and good great advice, but if you don't have any...what can you do about it??? Hold a gun to somebody and say "be supportive of me or else...?" If caring people don't exist in your life, they don't. I just got shot in the heart by 22 yr. old son in college who is going through change-his-major-doubts-himself counseling trying to find out if he has ADHD, putting BLAME on me for being a terrible, unsupportive parent. Ok he's young and naiive but it does hurt that he cares not about my issues that haven't been properly treated for a lifetime. Yet another wound amidst all the others.
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4many,
I to had to stop letting people (including my kids) blame me for everything. Now I just say "wow I have that much power", hum, let me show you how bad it can be. Then I stop doing anything for them, stop calling them, I disengage. Works for me.
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I thought I was sensitive. But guess what, I was surrounded by abusers who loved to plant that on me to make it alll my fault. I am an entirely normal person around normal positive people that dont ef with me.
Most people just dont get it. Dont bother talking to them. I learned my lesson. Call Domestic Violence resources. They can offer you free councelling or very low fees like $5 per session.
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I guess I feel guilty for thinking of domestic violence resources because the abuse is NOT physical. I don't think it ever will be. But I do agree that arrows through the heart are probably far worse than bruises and broken bones. I always thought that emotional abuse was not recognized or taken seriously. It wasn't when I was a child.
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WOW, Tamehau - nice idea. As I dig further I recognize that MANY people manipulate me, not just stbx. Interesting plan - make them own the blame for their misery or happiness, not place it on me. My boys are just 8 and 5, so I'm looking for ways to turn them around before dad's patterns are permanent.
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Yeah, totally! So many people turned on me when I reached out that I've stopped opening up to anyone who might do the Blame The Victim thing to me. That, I do not need!
I agree that your local women's shelter is a good resource. There may be a free support group (our local one even offers child care) in a secure location.
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