What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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Opinions - one other form of abuse
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After reading the overview of abuse, I'm a little more comfortable asking others how you feel about what I think is abuse from people...in general. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to care what they think. Yea, right!!! Being an extremely sensitive person and having been abused by father, mother, boyfriends, husband...and being a person having NO resources (family, job skills, career) I seem particularly sensitive to OTHER PEOPLE. I am not controlled enough to keep completely silent. Not being able to afford therapy, I try talking to "friends," etc., but for some reason, I seem to always encounter the strong, confident types... which serves to magnify my defects. These people always have plenty of advice, but it is not kind. There is no compassion, no understanding...just advice on how wrong I am and what I should do to snap out of it. I believe they think that reaching out is a form of looking for attention (which is a hideous thing)...but I think that is how they justify not offering comfort. Some seem to think they are divinely appointed to straighten me out, even though they have no qualifications other than their own arrogance.
Does anyone relate? Posted on 07/04/09, 04:07 pm |
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When you've had abuse coming at you from all sides (from those close to you) most of your life, you naturally will be injured and in need of good care and understanding.
Unfortunately, people who have not been involved with abuse won't know what to tell you, and some may be uncomfortable with the topic. You will probably be fed a lot of the same cliches for their lack of knowing how to deal with the issue of abuse. Some are just well meaning, and true, some can be arrogant. If you can't afford counseling, it might be a good idea to call your local DV shelter or organization and find out if you can get a referral for some free counseling. A professional will be a better sounding board for you, and be able to offer you some real advice, and give you the ability to vent in a non-judgemental setting with lots of validation. Personally, I do not discuss my issues with most people because they just do not get it, and the last thing I need is something that feels like more abuse. Good luck! 
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I can relate. I too, am very sensitive. I also think that after being abused for so long, we become even more sensitive and worry about what people will think (we are conditioned). You are not wrong, and you do not have any defects. Most people don't understand what we have been through, and what it does to our psych.
I understand limited resources. I have been perusing this support group for some time, and have found many, many helpful posts. It is a great place for support. Be kind to yourself. You clearly are a very intelligent and eloquent person. I am sorry you have had to deal with what you have. Hugs to you.
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I have experienced this too, people tend to be very comfortable giving advice from a very confident place but they often have their own weaknesses/insecurities where they would not be so bold. when someone else confides in me that they are in pain, I try to remember how it feels to receive that 'harsh' kind of advice and I try to do a lot of listening and being compassionate. I truly hope you come across that kind of person soon - and thank you for responding to me with compassion earlier today.
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I can also relate with this..There have been people around me telling me that I need to change myself and it all will work fine..They don't understand even a of abuse..So I only talk people who are really close to me and who really understand what I went through in this seven year long relation...It's far more better then talking to insensitive people who can never get how tough each day was for us in an abusive relation...
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4many,
In my opionion we attract the same types of abusers over and over again. Not only did I have to leave my 18 year marriage, but also the friends I have had for 16 years. I have even had to limit myself with my mother. All of these people have been abusive. I find that I still attract abusive people, but in learning the red flags of abuse, I learned to limit my contact with them and keep my feelings, etc., to myself. The only people I talk to about my abuse are here on this forum. They have been through this. They know my pain and my hurts. They understand. I cannot expect anyone who has not suffered this to understand any more than a pregnant person could understand a barren womb. Learning about abuse and its signs, red flags, and the advice I have gotten here has helped me move forward in my healing. I have less friends now, but also less burden. Good luck to you and hugs.
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I have found that even when I don't intend to talk to others, it somehow ends up happening. People seem to "smell" the fact that I'm not really okay, even if I am masking. Some of them will appoint themselves to try and "fix" me. This is even more invalidating, just reinforcing the feeling of being defective.
Hiding from the world and being a hermit is not healthy, but being scolded and shamed isn't either. I need to learn some way of handling this because it happens way too often.
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I think most people don't want to hear about other people's problems. Some have enough of their own. But the big thing (I think) is that many people don't understand abuse, period. DS has been my big support on this issue along with a therapist who is willing to let me pay her $30/hour. You could look around for a counselor who will consider your low income. If they are good, it is worthwhile work. I believe my therapist in many ways saved my self.
I am very, very careful about whom I discuss my abuse with lest they feel sorry for me, offer unsolicited advice or just think I am full of shit. My abuse was very real, and very painful and I need to have people who can relate to me and discuss it. I don't know if indifference or ignorance from people is abuse, but it certainly does lack a certain amount of humanity. Heck, maybe that is abusive, but not abuse? I'll be thinking on that one for the rest of the day...
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Well, if it's not abuse, then I'd call it some form of cruelty?!? They have no clue how a sensitive, damaged person feels and how much more damage they do when they judge, trivialize, invalidate, etc.
I seriously doubt a counselor would consider my income alone. My husband makes much more...which now isn't enough for the obligations we acquired before the recession and seen to be stuck with. We are actually drowning in debt, which is a huge part of his anger/blaming problem. Anyway, I should know better than to share with insensitive people, but it just seems that IRL I never run into any other types!
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Your situation sounds familiar! I am now divorcing an emotionally manipulative man (and am still dealing with the guilt associated with leaving him).
Counseling does help soooo much. Call around, see if anyone you know or trust has gone to a counselor they can recommend. I went to one for years while on a very limited budget, and she and I came to an agreement that she would reduce her fees by half, out of professional concern for my well-being (I was NOT in a good place!). You may even consider bartering - maybe cleaning their office for a reduced fee? Just a thought. Take care of yourself.
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I think trying a domestic violence shelter would be your best bet. I'm not sure where you are, but here they are free. They have women living there temporarily, and also have women who need counselling come in for information and sessions.
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