Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Cut-and-Paste post from tooday's
Wolf's Daily Howl


Greetings Readers and Posters ----

I said Thursday I'd talk more about injury, over the weekend.

I'm going to shift sideways, slightly, and talk about Couples Counseling in the context of an intervention for an abusive relationship.

[1] Couples counseling are trained to start from the presumption of an even playing field, which of course, is not the case, in an abusive relationship.

[2] Few couples counselors are trained to recognize emotional abuse. Fewer counselors know how to intervene safely and effectively.

[3] A slick manipulator will con and control most therapists.

[4] When the target/victim in an abusive relationship brings a complaint, if the therapist misses the gravity and rolls over the complaint, the abuser gets much-coveted validation.

[5] If the therapist misses the point, the target/victim may be abused a second time, in the session, by either the abuser or the therapist.

[6] If the target/victim is admonished by the therapist, the abuser gets much-coveted validation BIG TIME.

[7] Whether or not the therapist has admonished the target/victim, the target/victim is likely to be abused again after the session, as punishment for bringing up the point or complain to the therapist in the session. This punishment can range from the silent treatment to rage to mortal threat.

[8] Knowledge is power. Inherent in the way therapy works in session, whatever the target/victim reveals within the session becomes a tool for the abuser to use against the target/victim later, at home. This can be any piece of information, small or significant.

[9] The abuser will pick up whatever issue the therapist focuses on that the target/victim may need to work on, as evidence that the target/victim is the problem. Later at home, this will be hammered upon endlessly, and will become the subsequent point of all sessions.

[10] The abuser will learn the terminology and buzz words of therapy. The abuser will then use them constantly to make his/her point and position against the target/abuser.

[11] If the therapist urges the abuser to go home and express his/her emotions more openly, the target/victim is likely to experience an increased torrent of abuse around the abuser’s complaints.

[12] The abuser is likely to latch onto a small issue brought up in therapy, change him/herself for the better, in relation to that small issue, and then point to that small change as evidence of good faith and more to come. The small change for the better was, in fact, an insincere token change.

[13] The abuser will forever-after point to his/her participation in couples therapy, even if just once, as proof that s/he cares about the relationship and has done what s/he could to save it. S/he may even say things like: I've been to therapy and I'm fixed.

These are my reservations about couples counseling as an intervention in the context of an abusive relationship. Have I left any out?

IW

(material copyrighted 2008 Healing Wolf Tracks)
Posted on 02/08/09, 03:33 pm