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Discussion:
Need clarity
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Havent been on in ages. Hope everyone's holidays were ok. I'm stressed and angry today. My h has been a lot better since I threatened to leave him. Also I enforce consequences better and the verbally abusive behaviour has dropped off but is sometimes still there. For example the tension has been building and he had a blowout last week. Just want some perspective on what has been goIng on. I feel so very angry. The night before last when I was helping him and his mom he was nasty to me when I was trying to help them. Then last night he met a friend who is a girl (which I don't like him doing). He was an hour and fifteen minutes later than was shown on our calendar so I called him - he seemed oblivious then he did rush home. He apologized but it just felt like I've heard I all before and it wasn't sincere. I dont trust him because he has been borderline unfaithful so it upsets me when agreed upon times are not respected. Can anyone describe why his behaviour is wrong? I have a hard time as I feel all hazy.
Posted on 12/29/12, 09:25 am
31 Replies | Most Recent Add Your Reply
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Reply #31 - 01/03/13  10:46am
" I made it to the end lol, well I can see your point and I believe I always did see it,

I've read that book, understood that book, but he also describes in detail why he (the abuser) does that, his attitudes, the experience of abusers and the fact of his research that most never stop being abusive!

So although I understand why u have used quotes from this book I also know the other insights from that book and all I can say is that in my experience of coming onto this board, others who have left their abusive partners get to understand what life is like free from abuse, so in all of us experiencing both staying with and fighting for our relationships and then making the choice to have peace and freedom from abuse, we see both sides and will be far more found of one over the other.

The guy that wrote that book, great therapist, fantastic book! But we are not therapists, we are abused women, and u will get what u find here and from me!

My advice is useful sometimes and sometimes not, but if your looking for something specific from me, them I'm afraid you will only get who I am! My advice is an extension of who I am because it's an extensions of my thoughts and feelings!

I can only talk for myself in my response and I don't know how others would respond!

Might I suggest that u don't come with a specific expectation of how u want others to respond and give u what u need,

I am sorry but it is ingrained into my belief system that abuse is a loose loose situation and I can tell u that yes he has abused your trust and boundries and give u clarification on that level, but I'm always going to use self discretion to give the advice that is also in my heart!

Good luck xxxx :) "

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