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feel so hopeless right now
Watch this 
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never expected today to be so hard. not only have my brothers been calling (no i havent answered the phone even once) but i havent been able to eat anything all day. took one look at the thanksgiving dinner i helped make and i felt sick. and all those words that dad and my brothers said rushed back. and now my bloodsugars low and i know that but i cant bring myself to eat. still keep hearing dads voice calling me a fat pig.
along with this im struggling with the thought of ending it all. whats the whole point of life anyway?
Posted on 11/22/12, 08:13 pm
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Reply #1 - 11/22/12  8:58pm
" Holidays are a particularly hard time, so hang in there because they don't last that long. Your life is very, very precious. You are totally and wholly deserving of love and caring.

I urge you to call this number, and talk. Tell them everything and anything you want. I did this when I felt suicidal and it helped a lot.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) "
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Reply #2 - 11/22/12  9:24pm
" Sweetheart,
Do you have anyone who you can talk to? Sometimes if you have someone who will just listen. Of course we all care about you and will help in any way we can. It does help if you have someone there you can talk to. How about your foster Mom? can you talk to her at all?

You do need someone to help you, that knows how to help you with the issues you have. So you will know how to deal with them so they won't ruin your life.

You deserve to be happy and live a good life.
You can do it, I know you can. You WILL find somebody who will love you for you.

You just have to take care of yourself for now.
That does include doing the best you can in school. You are probably tired of hearing that. You will be so sorry when you are older if you don't do your best now.. Right now you can be anything you want to be if you put your mind to it.

I am sending you tons of support and lots of hugs> "
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Reply #3 - 11/23/12  12:17am
" Yep holidays are hard for a lot of us I am finding out we are not alone in being alone!! You need to 1st take care of yourself #1!! You have to eat I know how it is when the blood sugars drop it happens to me too when I dont eat you have to clear your head. Try deep breaths to relax and focus on something positive like a goal you have for your future, breath in deep, exhale do it three times when you feel upset and make sure your tummy moves when you do the breaths to make sure your diaphram is being used.... the VA doctors told me that releases endorphines that make us relax and feel good. It is hard but you have to eat and take care of yourself. WE did stuff on daily maintenence too like make a list of things you have to do and what time you have to do them so that you make yourself do the list each day. get up, eat something, take medication (if your on any), take a shower, get dressed, take a walk, its kind of like training yourself to take care of basic necessities for mental health. I hope something here helps, plus you have a lot of listeners and support on here! Use us too!! "
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Reply #4 - 11/23/12  5:57am
" Look sweetheart I'm coming to understand that abuse is a choice for the abuser. They choose to abuse. Ok so they don't sit there and say today I am going to abuse, they will think if it in a different way, they believe they are entitled to be top dog and will make sure you are beneath them and will create illusions to convince you of it.

Your fat, is an illusion, it's a made up fantasy put down that was successful and is still successful. What you need to do is recognize abuse for what it is, when u see it then his words will hold less power.

Sometimes words can be so powerful that we believe in there credibility.

But you also have a choice in this. You do posses the capability however far away this seems to take control over the abuse you have lived through and break away from the illusions, it starts with you eating a meal because u know what, dad is lying and his words are empty so I'm going to make a statement to myself that I am allowed to eat a meal !

And hey if u want to give up then that's your choice, but at least fight the abuse first, do research and figure it out for what it truly is and if by then you still feel like giving up at least you can always say you tried your dam hardest to the best if your ability!

What your doing us self abuse. Your carring on the abuse by putting yourself down. What is your dads voice inside your head? It's your thoughts not his voice. It's a memory not his actual voice at this moment in time! I used to hear my ex voice inside my head all the time. I realized u was afraid of his voice and his words, then I thought about it. Then it clicked, what is a voice? It's a noise! It's a noise a human being makes by their voice box that they formulate to communicate, I was afraid of a noise! After that his voice inside my head lost its power! I just decided to ignore a noise that was actually annoying me more than anything else! "
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Reply #5 - 11/23/12  6:09am
" Another way to look at it is like this, his words are his choice, his voice is just a noise, a grunt, u can't decide on someone else's choice of words but u can decide to take much notice to the notice or not "
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Reply #6 - 11/23/12  6:09am
" Notice to the noise or not "
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Reply #7 - 11/23/12  6:20am
" And another way to look at it is like this, on here sometimes I help people. Sometimes I don't, but what are my words? It's not a noise, yeah it's my voice my words but ultimately it's just typing! My intensions if power are for positive. My voice deminstrated through typing and not a noise is chosen to have a positive impact on those that chose to read read, people then read them or hear the noise in the case if spoken out loud words but in my case not everyine us impacted by my typing.

The impact or not doesn't really matter here, it's my intensions that matter, people can choose to allow it to impact or not, but ultimately it's just typing just like it could also be a noise! "
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Reply #8 - 11/23/12  9:12am
" thanks. im doing somewhat better today. i will try the list of todo things. "

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