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No, you're the ass
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I have to remember that I can NOT talk to this person. I don't know the man I married. I don't think he knows himself either.
Doesn't matter anymore though.... Let me ask you guys a question. The FIRST time I had him over my place he sat down on my couch and said "I'm going to like it here." What the hell was that supposed to mean? Is this normal? It always seemed odd to me and It is a memory that has definitely stuck. The first time he stayed over (what was still MY place) I offered him breakfast in the morning. I had two eggs in my fridge. I was broke people. I was 24 working full time and going to school. He said "This isn't going to be enough." Really, for me to, but I would have started out by saying thank you. Ass. I brought this up the other night because I was listening to Alan Watts (it put me in the thinking/talking mood )and thought if i articulated myself calmly and precisly we could have a constructive conversation about our relationship. i referenced this time and asked why he didn't say thank you and his response......"Eggs cost $1.58 a dozen back then." I feel like the ass for marrying someone like this. I was such a different person back then. Oh, HUSBAND BTW they were .98 a dozen back then. I was that broke and you still didn't mind taking whatever I had. I know this sounds silly. I'm sure some of you can relate to these red flag momments. I'm sure I was dumb enough to hear "I'm no good" and stay. I STAYED!!! My point is that I cant talk to him and it hurts because that's all I've done. I conditioned myself to go to him for everything. emotional, physical, financial. The look on his face when I'm talking with any confidence is like someone just shoved poop in his face. You're the ass Gabriel. You're also a horrible kisser. Didn't know how important that is to a women??!! Aw, I thought you knew everything about female sexuality... How did I let this happen. He seemed so wonderful. He was my gift from the universe for putting up with all that other crap. FOOLISH! Hide the hurt, hide the hurt, hide the hurt. Dont let him see you cry. (this is what is on repeat in my head) Posted on 08/07/12, 12:51 pm |
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I really do understand what you mean when you say hide the hurt and don't let them see you cry because you don't want to give them the satisfaction that they have gotten to you.
But here's the thing you shouldn't even have to feel the hurt in the first place because love is not about being hurt. It sounds like he targeted you because of what you could provide for him and what you could do for him, both of those signs of a narcissist. Attempting to talk to a narcissist is like spitting in the wind. Whatever you say will be blown back in your face. It's useless and hurtful to realize that but in seeing that truth you can get some real support from people who really care both online and off. Whatever you can do to get support, I encourage you to do so. Turning to an abuser or narcissist for any kind of support or needs are just giving them an open invitation to hurt you. Reach out to others who have been there who are survivors whenever you feel the urge to talk to him. 
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Hi LoveStone,
If it helps at all, I could have written that. You are not alone. At least now we are aware that we are married to a$$es. My H was actually a walking red flag before we were married. I console myself by saying that I was just not in the correct "self esteem head space" to admit what it really was. My mantra now that I am preparing to leave is "no conversations" . I say that over and over to myself. They never lead to anywhere good or constructive. He will never change, I cannot ever be good enough for him. Nothing more to discuss. Look after yourself. L4S
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I also thought Manny was like fruit from Heaven (not the one in Eden that damns you to suffering--LOL).
But I could have noticed some little things too. And really--the eggs. I can remember a lot of times when I was thinking, "saying thank you would be appropriate." But, of course, no it wouldn't--because it was all about him! Sigh. I used to get hurt by him and cry--but then I learned he didn't really care if I was hurt--he just kept on doing it (often while I was crying). So finally I just snapped. I cried--I asked God why, and then I realized that there was nothing to cry about anymore. There wasn't any love-loss, because there wasn't actual love. Love is what I have with my child and the people who I care about, and who care about me. What I had with my abuser was just the illusion of love. It's OK to be hurt and sad that you lost that illusion--or that you spent your time and energy on someone like that. It doesn't matter what he thinks of you (or if he sees you cry)...he is an ass.
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Oh--and my mantra isn't nearly as nice as yours and look4's.
Mine is "I HATE YOU! You asshole!" Not quite as nice, but it keeps me from wanting him back.
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Best mantra ever Littlekatya....I think I will have to borrow that one lol
-Lovestone, it's funny how we somehow find ourselves in a position where we feel compelled to go to someone else for everything. (I'm not judging b/c I have the same struggles). But, I don't really think that we have 'conditioned ourselves'. I think that they have conditioned us. Someone once told me a story about a frog. 'If you put a frog in boiling water, he will try to jump out of it immediately because the water is too hot. But if you put that same frog in water that is room temperature and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will not even notice that he is cooking until it is too late. We are the same.......slowly climatized. Good hearts fall easy prey to certain types of people.
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Best mantra ever Littlekatya....I think I will have to borrow that one lol
-Lovestone, it's funny how we somehow find ourselves in a position where we feel compelled to go to someone else for everything. (I'm not judging b/c I have the same struggles). But, I don't really think that we have 'conditioned ourselves'. I think that they have conditioned us. Someone once told me a story about a frog. 'If you put a frog in boiling water, he will try to jump out of it immediately because the water is too hot. But if you put that same frog in water that is room temperature and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will not even notice that he is cooking until it is too late. We are the same.......slowly climatized. Good hearts fall easy prey to certain types of people.
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Best mantra ever Littlekatya....I think I will have to borrow that one lol
-Lovestone, it's funny how we somehow find ourselves in a position where we feel compelled to go to someone else for everything. (I'm not judging b/c I have the same struggles). But, I don't really think that we have 'conditioned ourselves'. I think that they have conditioned us. Someone once told me a story about a frog. 'If you put a frog in boiling water, he will try to jump out of it immediately because the water is too hot. But if you put that same frog in water that is room temperature and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will not even notice that he is cooking until it is too late. We are the same.......slowly climatized. Good hearts fall easy prey to certain types of people.
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Best mantra ever Littlekatya....I think I will have to borrow that one lol
-Lovestone, it's funny how we somehow find ourselves in a position where we feel compelled to go to someone else for everything. (I'm not judging b/c I have the same struggles). But, I don't really think that we have 'conditioned ourselves'. I think that they have conditioned us. Someone once told me a story about a frog. 'If you put a frog in boiling water, he will try to jump out of it immediately because the water is too hot. But if you put that same frog in water that is room temperature and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will not even notice that he is cooking until it is too late. We are the same.......slowly climatized. Good hearts fall easy prey to certain types of people.
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Best mantra ever Littlekatya....I think I will have to borrow that one lol
-Lovestone, it's funny how we somehow find ourselves in a position where we feel compelled to go to someone else for everything. (I'm not judging b/c I have the same struggles). But, I don't really think that we have 'conditioned ourselves'. I think that they have conditioned us. Someone once told me a story about a frog. 'If you put a frog in boiling water, he will try to jump out of it immediately because the water is too hot. But if you put that same frog in water that is room temperature and slowly bring it to a boil, the frog will not even notice that he is cooking until it is too late. We are the same.......slowly climatized. Good hearts fall easy prey to certain types of people.
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Thanks guys. It is more supportive than you know. He's sitting watching TV. The only reason it's pleasant in here is because after my "hysterical" behavior I apologized and took the blame.
I only need to buy a little time and I can leave. If I use both of these amazing mantras and remember that there is no talking this out I can overcome. The twists and turns are nuts. I get a certain satisfaction out of knowing I can sit here and expose his poor character while receiving support from wonderful people who are also secretly (and maybe sometimes out loud) laughing at these pitiful fools. I hope he can find happiness one day and not bring greif to any other hopeful but blindsided girl blah blah blah ...
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