Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abusive and destructive. Adults should never swear at kids. And what has he taught her by cutting up her pajamas?

You are not overreacting. What he did was abusive.

wow.

that is REALLY abusive and horrible.

and for leaving her pajamas on the floor?

I'm really praying that she wouldn't be punished in this way either:

A simple regular punsihment of writing sentences or no TV would have been enough.

for just leaving her pajamas on the floor.

that is incredibly harsh and controlling for such a little thing.

parents should never sweat the small stuff..punishments like that should be for actual disobedience-like disrespecting someone, purposefully doing something bad.

if you were not with this man, would you punish your young child for leaving her pajamas on the floor?

when I was with my ex husband (father of my children) I OFTEN had to parent my kids in ways that were not comfortable to me, and it killed me inside every time I had to do it. or I would try to hide things-'don't let you dad know about this..let's not tell your dad'..

so then they were being forced to lie to their dad to keep the peace.

so freaking unhealthy. so glad that I had to leave.

your boyfriend should NEVER EVER be allowed to swear at your daughter.

you are not overreacting at all!

Rachel-No she normally would get nothing more than a "gp pick up your pajamas". I just threw in the part of writing sentences and no TV as that is usually what her punishment is for other things. For disrespecting someone, it is usually writing 10 or 15 sentences and honeslty the only time she gets the no TV thing is if she happens to lie to me about something or does something like argue over bedtime. My children rarely ever get into trouble. They are really respectful without having to be told to say thank you or please. Of course they both have their moments, but every child has their moments.

He cut up a seven year old clothes because they were on the floor? What will it be when she's 8, 9, 10? This sounds terribly wrong.

I talked to my sister last night and she said me and my girls could come stay with her until I find somewhere to move to. I have a decent paying job, so I should only be there a month. I guess I already knew it was abusive, I just needed to hear it from someone else. My youngest was molested by her bio father )who is in jail now) and she really doesn't need to be put thru any type of abuse. If he thinks I am overreacting, so be it. I really don't care at this point.

YAY! I'm glad that you have a plan to leave!

It's good to be able to hear from people outside the relationship, because when you're in it, and around the abuser, they mess with your mind in such horrible ways that it's hard to figure out what's right and wrong, and whether you are minimizing things, or over dramatizing things.. I still do it with my ex.

and glad that the picking up of pajamas is just a normal thing and not a punishment thing..with my kids, it's socks..there are socks EVERYWHERE!!

but in the grand scheme of things, my kids are really good too, and I don't mind a few socks around...they are only little for so long...

You know, I never really realized he was abusing me as well. I've been with him for almost 2 years and I have always considered him very smart. He knows how to hold a great conversation and is knowledgeable on many topics. But I guess it should have been a red flag when he told me it was my fault that my daughter was molested. His reason was because I decided to sleep with him (meaning my daughter's father) and had a baby with him and I should have known something wasn't right about him. This played with head quite a bit and was the whole reason I joined DS. He always had me thinking he knew best. When we fought (which wasn't often) it was always about the kids. He would say something rude to them and I would get onto him for it and he would always say I wasn't backing him up and then I would tell him it was because I didn't agree with him. He always ended the conversation with these words "You have made your point and I respect that". Now I realize this was his way of making me think he was agreeing with me...how stupid was I?!?!

"But I guess it should have been a red flag when he told me it was my fault that my daughter was molested". THAT IS A DEAL BREAKER!!!!! YOU NEED TO LEAVE AS FAST AS YOU CAN. ANYONE ANYONE WHO WOULD BLAME YOU FOR YOUR DAUGHTER GETTING MOLESTED WILL MOLEST YOUR DAUGHTER AND BLAME YOU!!!!! RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

To clarify, it was not my boyfriend who molested my daughter, it was her biological father that molested her. Do you think my boyfriend would molest her because of the comment that he made?? That is scary. I'm out....will be leaving as soon as I get home.

Hon ----

She's YOUR daughter.

Nobody else in the world
gets to parent her.

Your soon-to-be-ex
boyfriend is a violator
of boundaries. No one
can say where a violator
will stop. He has already
been abusive, just in the
few instances you listed
in your post. Take her
and get yourself ELSEWHERE.

Then look into counseling
for both you and your daughter.

Sending you hugs and
healing thoughts.

Take good care.