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Verbal Abuse?
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I want to know from all of you if you would consider me verbally abusive.
Due to an illness I get tired faster and for longer periods of time than when I was healthy. When I would come home from work I'd lay on the bed barely able to move. My boyfriend would in that moment to complain to me that I wasn't doing more housework. I'd tell him that I really can't because I do not have the energy. He would needle me, trying to get me to get up and do housework, trying to say how it wasn't fair to him, etc. I'd try to tell him that i really couldn't talk right now, can't do it right now, need to rest, etc. After he bothered me like this for quite some time I'd lose it and blow up at him. Usually shouting something like, "Leave me alone!" or "I can't right now!" Then he would tell me I had an anger problem. He did this to me on several different occasions. There are some key points to consider. It was obvious even to him that I did not have much energy. He sometimes helped me walk to the bed. I don't think that losing my temper when I am needled repeatedly is a sign of an anger problem. I think he took it way past a discussion and was just trying to be as awful as he could to get what he wanted. I think he said I have an anger problem because he thinks he never does anything wrong and therefore all problems must be with someone other than him. But I really want to know what others think. Posted on 07/28/12, 09:52 am |
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I think he baited you
and goaded you until you lost it. Baiting and goading is abusive. You're loss of control was reactive. I'm not saying it was the best "choice," but it came after being attacked. To me, the basic question is, why be with someone who suffers from such an obvious lack of understanding and compassion, as to abuse someone about a triviality like housework? 
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no,i wouldnt consider you as verbally abusive.i would consider your partner to be cruel,and obviously trying to irritate and upset you.if you are ill,and need to rest,then you arent going to want him disturbing you.my dad did a similar thing to my mum.she had recently had a heart attack-hed do anything he could to try stop her from resting.would she help dig the garden,would she put the tea on-ect.
he sounds cruel to me,and if he was disturbing me when i was trying to rest,id speak to him in the same way you do x
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I'm a really nice person.
a really sweet person. I rarely, if ever, lose my temper. my ex used to do similar things to me, and yeah, I would end up screaming at him, and twice in 14 years.. I hit him. both times were in the middle of him abusing me, and me just hitting a breaking point. another time, I started slapping myself in the face. all of these times he tried to use against me, saying that *I* was the one with the anger issues, I was the one who was abusive, and crazy. but I never bought into that, since it always happened when I was in the middle of being abused by him. it was reactive abuse. are you still with that guy? he sounds horrible to do that to you!!!!!
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This one's definitely not your fault. I don't know what to call him. I know as someone with an illness myself, I'm constantly feeling sick/tired, and people are always trying to push me. I think the people in my life think they are being productive by giving me the push they think I need, but I always get angry because I feel they don't respect me enough to know my own limits. If he can't accept your illness and respect you enough to know your limits, then he's not accepting you for who you are. I know being sick probably makes it hard to just walk away and find someone else, but you shouldn't have to put up with that.
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To be blunt with you, he sounds like an abusive asshole who's purposefully pushing all your buttons. My abusive mother used to do the same kind of shit to me. I ended up cutting her off amongst many others reasons and don't have contact with her to this day. But as knufflesmcblimp said, you should not have to put up with that garbage.
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My ex h used to turn the lights on and off while telling me to get up while I was recuperating from surgery. He kept it up until I got mad and told him to get out. That way I was the angry one and he was just asking for me to get up--what's the problem?
You were not being abusive, he was. They like to turn things around so that they come out smelling like a rose. I'm glad I got out when I did, because since that incident with the surgery he became even more emotionally abusive. The abuse doesn't get better,it gets worse. Don't allow him to make it about you--because he always will.
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Trust me, you are not the problem, he is!! He is a bully, and a bully thinks they are entitled to do anything they want to. Honey, he does not sound normal to me. He sounds like he could have the potentional of being a phycopath... They have anti-social behavior, never can get along with anyone else, never their fault, it's always someone else's. They want to mentally abuse you into thinking that you have the problem. It's a power and control game. I do not want to scare you, but this could turn dangerous for you. You need to get away from him, or get him away from you....Has he physically hurt you, because, if he had'nt, he soon will....He is cruel and mean, and his behavior is scary to me. I am afraid for you...You need to change this situation, your safety is my main concern for you. Tell someone you trust. Call your domestic violence hot- line. Again, do not let him know what you are doing.Make a safety plan. Please get help now!!!!!
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Fiona- sounds So much like my situation. By the time I kicked him out it was so bad that during his abusive episode I started self harming, hitii g myself, pulling my hair ...he used it to say how crazy I was. Sad.
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*hitting myself
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