Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I agree with you. If my boyfriend would do the slightest deviant, aggressive thing to me, I would not want to be with him let alone kill my libido.

I dont get how people can like it. Okay I suppose I felt sorry for the male character as he has some awful issues. But so do I amd it hasn't made me want to beat the shit out of the guy im with?!?!?!

I read those books, and they were stupid and badly written (yet I read all three!! what I liked, I think, was the aspect of her being taken care by, yes-a billionaire. maybe because I was on welfare, living in a basement suite, feeling really lonely).

the physical stuff in the book didn't trigger me at all-I could see the difference between consensual spankings and the like..

what I got triggered by, and badly-was how controlling he was OUT of the bedroom-the texting/phoning/keeping tabs on her/buying the company she worked for/telling her she needed a trainer..

it was SO CREEPY and stalkerish!!! ugh!!!!!

and my ex wasn't ever really like that-but I would have RUN, and far away if some pulled all of that crap on me...

stupid, stupid books...harlequin-porn.....yet I would sit in the reading, and it felt like an escape for me...

it wasn't a big turn on though-the sexual parts were so badly written, it seemed as if a man had written it...

I meant-I would sit in the TUB reading...

I am half way thru the second book. I down loaded them to my Ipad in May. I too felt like maybe I was just having this reaction because of my situation.

What bothered me was like Rachel said, he was VERY CONTROLLING. I was very uncomfortable with that. The sexual aggression is fine between two consenting adults, but I was extremely uncomfortable that he wanted to PUNISH her when she broke one of his rules. That was not sexual.

On the other hand, he does seem to want to change for her, and as far as I have gotten he has tried.

What I did like was the fact that he always looks her in the eye and connects with her during the deed. It seems so intimate to me, and it is something that my relationship has always lacked.

It's so confusing, plus I also thought that if all these women cannot see that this relationship is abusive we have no hope that this issue will ever be resolved in this world. Or I'm just a nut....

Oh, boy, I could practicaly write my own book on this subject alone. I'll try to be brief. I got out of my emotionally/verbally/financially abusive marriage. When you're with an abuser, you can't trust him. And abuser is not in control of his own emotions. And when that's the case, he can't "lead" in any way. I spend 17 years with a man I didn't fully trust. I was always a very sexual person, but he shot down all my creative ideas - they were "stupid."
Now I'm finally with a strong, loving man who absolutely respects me. And now I know I'm submissive (not just in a sexual way), and I'm very comfortable with it. I like who I am, and I'm not a pushover. BUT, I do like to be led by him, and I very much like his aggression in the bedroom. What's made all the difference? TRUST. I trust this person 100%, so I have no problem being completely vulnerable to him, and it's quite freeing and peacefull at the same time. He can tie me up and blindfold me any day because I know I'm safe in his hands.
Now, in the 50 Shades trilogy, Ana's really NOT submissive, at least not at first. She really fights it., but I think she does develop and find some peace with submitting at times. And Christian has "issues" and yes, he's controlling. That part's not healthy.
But I have to say, being loved "aggressively" in the bedroom is not even close to abuse when both partners love and trust and love each other. (Honestly, with my partner it makes ME feel pretty powerful - to think I'm the one making him so . . . GRRRRR . . . it's quite a high for me!)

For me, the worst thing about the books are that they are so badly written. I only got half way through the first one (and I do take your point about them triggering memories, with me too) but I just felt it was so basic in literary style that, although the subject matter was adult, it was written for teenagers!

I can't bring myself to even begin to read it. My first abuser was mainly sexually abusive. He couldn't orgasm unless he hurt me. For real. I bear scars to prove it. He damaged my insides so much I almost couldn't give birth to my daughter because of all the scar tissue.

I understand there is a difference when it's consentual and playful, but I could never go there because of the abuse I endured.

Oprah Winfrey gave alway, a good show, and I always watched her, however, I never liked any of the books she recommended. I use to read a few pages from the books she remommended, but never like it, so anyway, I did look at a few pages of the book (shades of gray), and put it back. Guess Oprah and I don't have the same taste in books.

Pandora, that's horrible. It should never be that way. Hugs.