Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Kieth- I am sorry it has been so tough. Starting over after these relationships is not always easy. rarely is from what I can see.

Don't choose out of desperation or emotions. Make a list of why you would go back. And see if they are healthy reasons or not.

A year from now, if you really put effort into creating a new life, you will have some great results.

The pull of the past can be strong. Let the dream of a better future be stronger.

Kieth,
Hang in there. Butterfly is right. The pull of the past is strong, but not because it is good or what you want, but because it is easy, familiar and habit. I kicked out my abusive EX a year ago and went NO CONTACT in September of last year. It was gut wrenching and by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Looking back I feel like a fool for ever giving someone like him a second look let alone a first. He was beneath me in every way and he knew it, yet I fell for him and somehow he broke me down to the point of putting up with more than I ever had or would have before in my life. I see now it wasn't becasue I actually loved him, it was because I was vulnerable, he knew it and took advantage and abused and broke me down when I really needed someone to love and lift me up. I had many things I had to do to rid my life of him like move his stuff out to storage(he wouldn't come get it) turn off his cell/get him off my plan(took months) get rid of his dog he left/pay up the vet bills(also took months), sell the motorcyce I financed for him(he never paid the payment although swore he would). He stalked me and my family relentlessly and I had to get protective order and he was finally arrested for Felony stalking and is serving 11-14 months in State prison. My life is so much better without him. I just closed on a new home a couple of weeks ago and furnished it with some really nice and beautiful things. My financial picture is so, so much better now. Im debt free and am able to buy and do nice things that I never could have with him dragging me down. My life is so much more calm and happy and the people I truly love and respect see the differnce in me and are proud of and happy for me. I was so, so hard. In the beginning i missed him and longed for him and all the while he was begging me to take him back, telling me he loved me, wanted me, would do anything it took to get back together, fix things. The hard part was I FELT like I loved him so much and wanted him to love me and be the man I wanted him to be, but I KNEW, I KNEW he didn't love me, never did, never would and would never be the man I wanted him to be, and honestly at that point even if a MIRACLE occured and he was suddenly fixed I didn't want him because he had hurt me so so so much in so many way and I could never ever forgive him for all he had done to me and I KNEW what a piece of crap he had been to me and I actually hated him! It was the worst feeling ever. To feel you love and want someone and they are telling you they love and want you, YET you KNOW its a lie. You want so bad to believe the lie and have what you want, but you have to remember that you KNOW THE TRUTH. They are abusers, they do not love you, it will not be good, it will go bac to the same old, same old thing. It's hard, but be strong, there is a better life for you and you will some day look bac and say"what was I thinking?"

I know it's hard, but you have already completed the most difficult part...the leaving.

I wonder if there is a way to get to see your son? So that perhaps you regret the leaving less?

My ex also dangled rewards to entice me to come back...but it was never going to happen.

It is better to live in poverty and with unemployment than to go back to abuse.

Hugs to you for better days ahead...

Going back is not really a option. Poverty is better than abuse and I did have it really bad. I used to wish I'd get a terminal disease just so I could find a way out. Im just struggling with not seeing my child, despite the fact he became quite abusive towards me as well.

My ex wife was laways lovely when I wasnt there then as soon as I was a home a real monster. Im lucky to have found the courage to escape even though I do sometimes miss her