Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

As I work through the healing process, there are so many thoughts/feelings/emotions/reflections flooding my mind that I need to untangle and make some attempt to resolve... One of the most painful and powerful things that I am reflecting on right now is the continuous string of broken promises and blatant hypocrisy from my ex, who among other things, boasted to everyone how he is a "man of his word", and claimed to take that title very seriously.

The biggest example that continues to resonate in my mind was when he sat me down (after another failed relationship attempt with another woman, I later found out) and said he felt it was time to "make things right" and he needed to "do the right thing" and finally commit to me. He said I was the only one who could truly understand him and love him and blah, blah, blah.... and that I should pick out an engagement ring I liked. He never indulged in treating me to anything other than buying me dinner, (yet he could afford trips to Europe twice a year!!!) so this was the biggest gift I would have recieved from him (Never did pick out an engagement ring though).

Against my instinct, I allowed myself to trust him again, because he said to me directly: "You have my word. You never have to worry about anything again." A couple of weeks later, we were at his aunt's house and he announced to his family that he was going to propose to me that day. (He never did!) His family was surprised, as was I, but why make an announcement like that?? I think if a man was going to propose to a woman, he would just do it, right? Why make an announcement that you're going to do something like that and never do it??

There were other instances that he would use against me in a weird way, such as when I was thinking about moving across the country to take a job offer. He said he was looking for jobs too so he could move with me. I never took the job, due to other reasons, but he would constantly bring it up---say if I couldn't make it to an event that he had going on, he would yell at me and say I was selfish, and that I wasn't willing to sacrifice and compromise for him, and "remember how I was going to sacrifice and move with you when you were thinking of taking that job?" But I never made the move, so he didn't have to even think about sacrificing. (I'm not convinced he would have come with me anyway, had I actually taken that job.) He would always bring up his "almost" sacrifices each time my schedule prevented me to drop everything for him. He would say, "Can't you just cancel your meeting?" or, "Can't you just blow off rehearsal?" or "Come on, can't you just learn to be spontaneous?" He'd scream at me that I wasn't a person of my word, and it would make me feel like the lowest life form on earth, because I do try my best to keep commitments and promises. He'd also rattle off the names of other women who would be "so happy to be with me right now, while you're at your stupid meeting..." UGH!!!!!!!

I want so badly to scream at him and tell him that he's never been a person of his word to me, like he's claimed to be. It's just been hollow words and one broken promise after another. But I've learned that trying to explain how I feel always falls on deaf ears, because he does no wrong. He of course is "a man of his word." :-(

What is it in a person that makes him behave this way??? Has anyone else had similar experiences??
Posted on 07/11/12, 01:46 pm