Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

You can have the police there if it is court ordered. May give you some peace of mind.

If it was me, I would definitly remove kids from the environment. She doesn't need to be a part of this in my humble opinion.

You can always just kinda hang in the backround too. Let your family help you in dealing with him.

And just be CALM as you can. Have him get his stuff and leave. If there is any dispute about what he wants to take, tell him to go through the lawyers.

I am sorry you feel so anxious. Maybe it won't go as bad as you think. Just set yourself up to win as much as you can.

I am proud of you for taking the steps to take care of yourself and your daughter. Keep it up! You are leading you both out of the chaos. Good for you.

I agree with butterfly. It would be best to not have kids around, because he will only use them as pawns in his sick game of manipulation and abuse.

And try to ignore the stuff he says. Abusers lie and twist the truth, the aim being to keep the focus on them, keep you off balance. All the stuff about the order of protection, the illness, etc ... just ignore it. You don't need to be a part of any of that any more, let him play his games by himself.

Engage with him as little as possible, don't show him how nervous/bothered you are. And I really hope it goes smoothly, but if it doesn't, you have the resources you need and a plan in place.

I know in our state, the police will come just stand by to ensure there are no issues from the beginning, you shouldn't have to wait for the dispute to begin before waiting for them to come. You're right to send your daughter away during this. If your lawyer can give you anything (an email?) In writing listing the items he is allowed to take, that would be helpful as well. Good luck!

I wanted to mention that one of the common characteristics of these guys is hypocholndria. I believe that they have an innordinate need for attention. My Ex has been dying for gosh.....forever honestly. It is manipulation.
Be strong. :) Karen

That is such a good idea. If you tell the police you are scared of him and it is court ordered he pick up his clothes, than surely they will be there. Good to also have witnesses even with the police there as that can be used in your court case to show how he causes problems and it is not your word against his. If the cops won't come call them the moment he raises his voice or anything.

Be sure to tell the cops that all of his belongings the court allows him to pick up are on the porch....and then you don't even have to be near the front door.

My heart goes out to you. I went through a terrible custody case with my youngest. My best advice is refuse arbitration...mediation good, arbitration bad. Arbitration takes away all your choices and mediation allows you to change your mind at any time until after you sign.

Oh yes, and another thing, if you get a guardian ad litem.... I didn't get good info on what I should be saying. I tried to give my exboyfriends good and bad points. Don't do that unless you are asked a very specific question. Tell the guardian ad litem you are scared of him, list all the reasons why. Tell in detail how he has negatively effected your daughter and continues to do so. Give every truth you can think of that might help you. And you do not have to have proof, though it does help.

Since you are scared of him, if you can get a restraining order I hope you will do so.

I saw the warning signs of domestic violence and left as soon as I could figure out how. A friend later explained how he was emotionally abusive. Even though there are warning signs, I didn't see how I could go anywhere with that. I should have told the guardian ad litem in detail what signs I saw and how I'm scared that if he loses his temper my son could be in danger. I share this with you to help you on your journey.

Sending prayers and thoughts your way today.

Hoping it goes more smoothly than anticipated, and he is just blustering to get you worried and upset.

How did it go? Is everything ok? Are you ok? Please let us know you are fine - been thinking about you all day

Just checking in on how it went or is going today. You have support here. :) I wish it was in person, but I am there in spirit.

Breathe. :)

After all the fuss... he didn't even show. He called and said he couldn't get anyone to go with him to be HIS witness. My grandmother said that means he has no friends LOL!

His stuff is still out on the patio, I just put a plastic tarp over it. Too much trouble to haul it all back in when he could not keep his court appointed date that HE asked for. Not my fault.

Good. No reason to haul any of it back in. Not your fault.