Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abusers generally say whatever they say to get the reaction they want. They tell you you're useless to get you to feel bad about yourself and try to be better. They tell you they're sorry because they sense they have gone too far and if they don't pull back a little you may leave. It's all about control, all of it. It's not about what they mean or don't mean.

My best guess is he's found someone else he thinks will be easier to control - or he thinks that if he apologises at the last minute, you will be so beaten down by this that you will never again question his right to control your every thought and emotion.

Move to your new place, and don't look back. I know it hurts, and I know it truly doesn't feel like it, but he has done you a favour. Now do yourself one and move on to an abuse free life.

""""""""" I just thought he was shouting at me and being controlling.""""""""""


Hon. . . . being controlling is abusive
and anyone who shouts at either
human or animal. . . is abusive.

You ask if his former apologies
were genuine.

No.

Abusers only apologize as a
MANIPULTATION. . . . to
keep from losing their victim.

I agree with Livn. He may well
have found a NEW SUPPLY.


Sweetie. . . . . detaching is hard.
Rejection is painful.

In this case, though, in the future,
when you're recovered, you'll see
that his rejection was actually
a GIFT.

Get yourself some counseling, if
you haven't already. Look for a
counselor whose specialty is
recovery from abuse and trauma.

Focus on yourself.
Practice meticulous SELF-CARE.

You can and will heal from this.
When you do, you'll be
SO RELIEVED that
your time of abuse
was ended, even
though it hurts,
right now.

Hugs and healing thoughts.

Take good care of yourself.

Thank you to you both for your replies.

He's calling me on the phone and being nasty and shouting at me because I can't move out as quickly as he wants me to. It's like he went into one of his rages eight days ago and has not come out of it.

I am trying so hard to look to the future and want to be strong but I feel like all the strength has gone out of me. It's all so sudden. I feel raw, like I've had all safety stripped away and I'm facing a life full of danger and fear.

I'm moving to a house in the middle of nowhere and I'm afraid of the dark. I'm terrified of the coming nights.

I want to be strong enough to be alone and to build a new life but I'm so destroyed. I don't know who I am and getting back on my feet seems insurmountable.

I keep thinking how much easier it would be to just die.

don't waste anymore time on this relationship....Only you know what he is shouting about.....you, of course had an arguement, and he responded accordinly. what was the arguement about?

I look at things different....I need to know the story. About why the arguement started. If you feel he wasn't justified, then you have to leave.

Meyer

First of all, don't answer the phone to him. Second, get in contact with your dv service and get hooked into whatever resources they have.

You CAN do this. Life can only get better from here. Anyone who can survive with abuse can thrive without it. You have survived with it, you WILL thrive without it.

Dying is not a healthy option.

Wouldn't you rather be
healthy than dead?


Life free of abuse
can be WONDERFUL.

Wouldn't you like to
experience that?

Is the dark
really scarier
than someone
RAGING at YOU?

Hon. . . . . please get yourself
some professional support,
like a therapist or a domestic
violence expert.

And. . . in all honesty. . . .
was it really that sudden?

He didn't just go over the
edge, this week, did he?

Please reach out where
you are. Connect with
women's aid, and get
the support that will
help you get through
this!!!!!!!

I can totally relate with the part about living in "his" house. I think you will feel much safer on your own. As far as your fear of being alone in the dark, do you have friends who can come over and help you through this? I'm sure a good friend would be eagar to help.

I gave up most of my friends because he made it awkward for me to see them. I do have one couple and my brother but they can't stay with me every night.

I've been ok. Today is just a bad day I think.

I'm trying to get strong. I just feel so raw and vulnerable and the fear is overwhelming.

It's only fear. It's only fear. It's only fear.

You'll be okay. I'm scared of the dark, too. I often just sleep with the light on. I feel safer than I did when my H was there.

Try to reconnect with the friends you lost. I lost most of my friends too, but since leaving, I've tried to reconnect and some of them have genuinely come back. It won't work with all your friends, but will probably work with some of them.