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Physical Abuse
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I just posted this in the breakups category. I'm 25 and I have been on and off with my physical and emotional abusive ex for five years, and i just needed to vent with others who ma have been through this, especially going back to something that is clearly toxic to you:
went to see him today. once again he manipulated me back. we were okay. but then during a conversation i caught him in a lie in which he was lying about for eight months. yet next thing you know im being choked (first time it was so hard i thought i was gonna pass out) so hard that i threw up after he released me. then got pushed into the chairs in his room onto the floor. once i got back up he threw me on the bed and held me down saying sorry he snapped and for me not to leave. i cried and pleaded for him to let me go to leave but he just held me down in the bed for a few minutes. i finally fought my way off and got out as fast as i can, as he is yelling at me to take all my shit and go. Today was one of the worst days of my life... i dont need this. i just dont know what to do or where to turn to anymore. i blame no one but myself but he became a monster today and i feel like it could of been worst. i dont know what to do. i have no support, i didnt even tell my parents, i havent even told them about any physical fights me and him had, yet this one was by far the worst. i dont know if i should seek therapy or what. i know i clearly have to stay away from him but its me continuing to stay on the no contact road is whats hard because i still end up going back. im scared to seek therapy im just so confused and feel so worthless right now Posted on 06/20/12, 01:15 am |
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To start with, there IS someone to blame other than yourself - HIM. Yes, it may not have been the best idea to go back, but we have all been there. And absolutely nothing you did could possibly justify what he did to you.
You are right, what he did today could have ended so much worse. Anybody who chokes you is showing they are prepared to kill you. And you do need to find strategies to stay away from him. Therapy with someone trained in trauma and abuse recovery would be very helpful for you. So, I hope, will posting and reading on this board. We have all been there (not all been physically abused - though I myself was choked by my ex husband and, so that you know you are not alone, I stayed with him for nearly another year). Others here will also have phone numbers of people who can help. Also, contacting your local women's centre will open up a heap of valuable resources to help you. You won't get judgment here, you won't be told you are stupid or weak - because we know you are not. But this man is very dangerous, and you need all the help you can get to make sure you stay away for good this time. As you have found out, he will not change; his protestations of change are lies; and his promises of change are worthless. 
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thank you. you are right. would i sound stupid if i said im scared? scared to take the next step? scared to even consider counseling, therapy, etc? i just never knew my life would come to this.
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this just happened TODAY.
no wonder you are scared. you are TRAUMATIZED! what about phoning a DV hotline, just to talk to someone trained in this. I know that you're afraid to tell anyone, but once you do, you've just released some of your burden, and it's lighter..it's just the telling part that is hard. make sure, if you do share, that you are sharing with someone that you trust will be compassionate about it-no use getting up the guts to share, and telling someone who tries to shrug the whole thing off. do you have any visible bruises? you should take pictures immediately, and then again a few days later (the bruises will be worse). today, you could have died. you'd be yet another woman who died at the hands of a boyfriend, ex boyfriend, husband, ex husband. chokers are the most dangerous abusers of all. choking is taking away your right to be breathe, to be alive. the ultimate power for them,watching your face as they choke you, knowing that only THEY can decide when enough is enough. HOW DARE THEY????
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I'm so glad you came to this community. I saw your post on the other board, and knew this was the place you would get some real help and insight.
Of course you are scared!!!!! Counseling for yourself is a good idea. NOT with him. Joint counseling in an abusive relationship is not only useless, it is downright dangerous, and often leads to an escalation of the abuse. Please make the call. You will feel so much better when you know you aren't alone. I'm sure there is a lot of help available where you are. In fact, when IleneW, one of our members, reads your post, she will most likely have the number for you to call. She is one of our best resources here. In the mean time, try to take a deep breath, and stay away from him at all costs. Please keep reading and posting here, so we know you are ok. Big hugs...
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Oh Hon ------
I'm so sorry for what you went through!!!!!! REPORT HIM!!!!!!!!!! Get yourself to a women's center or police department where they have a victim advocate. You need all kinds of protection now!!!!! And yes. . . . please get yourself some therapy with a counseling specialist in abuse and trauma. DON'T WAIT. DO THESE THINGS NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Be careful and take good care of yourself!
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Oh yeah, and the police reports that got ignored so many times... the Domestic Violence Program specialists can and will use them as evidence and he will finally have to answer for what he's done. Go IMMEDIATELY to your local crisis center so they can take photographs of any bruises. You may not see them, but they can use a special light to see the marks around your neck.
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What they said. And no, it doesn't sound stupid at ALL to be afraid. I'd be surprised if you weren't.
I hope you get the help and support you need.
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So glad u post this I don't feel alone , I too keep going bak n kn he is nt Good for me . I too feel im the reason ause of the NO CONTACTS is all on me but I seem to miss n want it all perfect n it does until like u say hrs or a day u start bak seeing the cycle. Praying for us as we all need. I called to go to a women counsel n never went thought I had it in control but I DON'T . Thanks again
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should i go to this domestic violence program even though i am not living with him?
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YES!!! this is a recent incident, it JUST happened. YES YES. Go with it, learn about it, and how to prevent it again, and find out how much danger you are in now....and methods to stay safe, and ALIVE.
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