Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

The thing that helped me the most in building my self-esteem (because I didn't have any to begin with) was to pick something I never did out of fear of ridicule but always had wanted to do....then I did it...here on DS. For me, it was speaking my mind....saying what I really thought, not dolling it up to impress anyone or win friends or avoid confrontations. I simply shared my real thoughts and opinions. Then I took it a step further and started sharing my knowledge of psychology...of all the studying I've done on my own over the past two decades.

Yea....it was a little terrifying.

But then I started getting friend requests like mad and appreciation from people I've never seen post before. And then validation from people who have been on this journey much longer than I have. So, that made me want to test the water in the real world...not just online here. I did and I received validation from people in the psychology field that didn't know me or my background. It boosted my confidence and made me realize that the knowledge and experience I have really does have value....which makes me valuable...and that was the dawn of real self-esteem for me....something I was never allowed to develop growing up.

Being able to believe in myself feels amazing. Although, now I worry about becoming conceited!! I like who I am and the sense of shame I carried for over 40 years....its gone. I'm not ashamed to be me anymore.....assets, flaws, and everything in between.

Consistent, continual
SELF-CARE
is a near miraculous thing.

First of all, it affirms our self
as being of value. And the
more we value our self,
the higher our self-worth.

Second, taking care of our
self nurtures and nourishes
our self. We're strengthened
and empowered.

Third, once we've raised our
self-worth and feel strong
and empowered. . . . . we're
going to maintain our boundaries
in an appropriate and healthy way.

It becomes really unlikely that
we'll allow anyone else to behave
around us or toward us with any
kind of disrespect.

(YYYYyyyyyyaaaaayyyyyy)

It's a WONDERFUL thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've taken thursday and friday off work for this very reason. I'm burnt out at my job and it feels like things are going more wrong than right. I reminded myself that i used to have time to myself, and maybe that is what I need to recharge my emotional batteries and start feeling like my old enthusiastic self again. If you have vacation days - use them. That's why they give them to you. You don't have to do anything special. Just treat yourself.

I'm not sure what to tell you about self esteem. I think Jillie offers a great suggestion. Pick something that you really aren't good at or are scared to do, and just to it. Pick something that really has no consequences, is completely unrelated to your job, and preferably something that you can laugh about later. It could be something as simple as going out to eat at a cuisine you have never liked. Or finding a bar with a karaoke night and singing a stupid song like "Afternoon Delight".

Another thing you can do is embrace your uniqueness. Do something odd and fun to distract your internal thoughts away yourself. Dye your hair a weird color for awhile. Find the ugliest possible socks and wear them to work, and every time you are feeling down about yourself, think of your ugly socks and giggle.

Sounds like you need some self TLC. And some half-caff? :-)

It's good that you have a job where you are respected. Now build on that. I'll bet you have friends and family who respect you too?

I am still the master of self flaggelation and have worked very hard to overcome this. I think that we are so used to being abused that we grow to be very good self beater uppers...I still have to stop every now and then and remind myself of how far I have come and what I have accomplised esp. as an abuse survivor.

Hugs to you, hon. Your life will get better and better, I promise.

All good ideas. For me, it was also a question of focus. I could beat myself up at the end of every day for all that I had not achieved and for every tiny mistake I made, or I could congratulate myself for all that I HAD achieved, and for each little thing that got done well. When I was at my worst, patting myself on the back for getting a load of laundry done was about as good as it got, but the change of focus still helped.