Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I don't think it's our place. I SO WANT to warn my ex's new woman, but part of me thinks, what if he truly isn't abusive to her, now or ever? Who am I to sabotage what they have? Maybe he's changed?

If I try to warn her and everything turns out peachy for them, then I look like the crazy psycho. I am absolutely positive he was abusive to me. I am not absolutely positive that he will be abusive to everyone else so I'm just staying out of it. (even though it's gut wrenching)

Ok. I just made sure I have no more access to his email or to view his Facebook. That will help me move on without looking to see what he is doing.

Abuse is his pattern. I was the one that his ex warned. I just didn't listen.

I did the same recently, blocking the Facebook and other accesses I had into his life. I REALLY don't need to know what's going on in his life. It's helped.

I had his email password so I had to go change that so he can change it and I won't know it. And I was a bit immature and changed his facebook interests. :/ couldn't help it. But I am done. I have no more access to him. I blocked him on facebook. Why do we get so addicted to these narcissist abusive men? What do they have to offer that we feel we need! It's sickening.m

I also blocked him from calling or texting my phone.. This guy has been so toxic.

Agree. It is like coming off some kind of drug that you know is bad for you... they need rehab for people like us.

I think warning the other woman will not do any good. She will think it's sour grapes, he will deny it. You will be beating your head against a wall.

If she should be abused, and come to you asking you about it...then you can tell her.

But everyone has their own journey, yours is away from him and any future women he has in his life. Their journey is theirs.

rehab yes! definitely. inpatient treatment for a bad ugly drug. And butterfly, you changed his interests on facebook. How awful of you! ha ha ha ha ha what did you change them too? I can only imagine. ha

Oh, as for the other woman. I too have had a strong urge to warn her somehow but then I feel like she probably will not believe me and he has probably told her I"m crazy or something just like he told me about his ex. And she'll probably tell him and then that will make him see that I'm still wrapped up in him and in his mind he may feel like I still want him or am jealous. But I have some stuff to back me up. LIke his police record. It's free in this state to look online. I just pray that she's less vulnerable than I was and will see through him sooner.

I haven't read all the replies in complete detail....I'm in a bit of hurry this morning, but I'm probably going to echo a few....

Your altruism is commendable. I think all of us have felt the urge to give out a warning at some point. However, given the fact that abusers are always charming in the beginning....the other woman probably won't believe you and if she brings it up to your ex, then it gives him the opportunity to slander you and make you look like your psycho to his new prospect. In the end, it serves no purpose.

In truth, its just better to not be involved in your ex's life at all. Unless there is some valid reason, like children or to finish up legalities, knowing whats going on in your ex's life is just going to give you more grief than you need in your life. And even in valid circumstances, where contact is a necessity, you can minimize what you discover by refusing to discuss his life with him. I did that with my son's father and it saved me a world of grief that I did not need. He wanted to talk about his new gf and I told him flat out that I did not want to hear about it. When he tried to talk about it again, I walked away and refused to listen. Truth is, I knew he would show his true colors in a really short time span, because that's his MO and she figured it out without any help from me. Plus, I didn't have to hear about how wonderful she was from him which would have just made me want to choke him. So, in the end, it worked out.

I guess what I'm saying is....NO, you are not obligated. Put his life on ignore and move forward healing yours. Let him bury himself.