What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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help me please.
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i started dating my boyfriend/ex boyfriend 10 years ago. we were 14. it sounds silly to say, i have had one boyfriend...but i have. Thats kind of me in a nutshell, loyal to a fault.
In the beginning he was cute and loving and doting and soo thoughtful. We began to have issues as most young relationships do at some point. The only problem was, it wasnt just yelling or arguing, it was mean. He would call me horrible degrading names, or poke my ribs, or grab my arm. He would tell me i bring that out in him. And everytime he would put his hands on me, i would leave, break up with him, and try to move on. The thing is, i believe i am addicted to him. He is so handsome, and funny, and i try so hard to not love him, even though it is blatently clear he doesnt care about me. He doesnt listen to me, he thinks i am annoying. He has pretty much insulted every inch of my body, and soul. He embaresses me in front of people, constantly saying we arent ever getting married...things like that, that he knows mean alot to me. yet all he ever has to do is say he realized what an amazing person i am, that i am beautiful, that he loves me so much, all he has to do is look in my eyes...and i let him back in. Its that simple. One kiss, and i lose all pride and go right back. Last night i wanted to talk to him because he said that he has doubts whether we will work or not. and he choked me.... it has been over a year since he has put his hands on me. It was shocking and hurtful. He told me to get my things out of his house. he has broken up wiith before... everytime i am not perfect, or have a bad day, or pms...and we argue...he wants to leave me. But then the next week he says he wants to be engaged. He has me on a rollercoaster...and i allow it. i love him so much. I am educated. I know better. But i cannot live without him... if he calls me tomarrow..i will take him back. My family hates him, my friends hate him. He really is awful to me... and i am not perfect by any means...but i am a sweet kind hearted person. I do anything he wants, and more. I shower him with love and affection, and it is never reciprocated. Why am i doing this to myself? Why does it hurt so much?? How can i stop this before i lose so much of myself... i cannot function. Its getting to that point. I am not me anymore. someone, please help. thank you kelly Posted on 11/03/09, 11:11 pm |
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Firstly, coming here is the first step, and you should be congratulated for taking that first step. Secondly, you CAN live without him, it's just that at the moment you don't know if you want to.
You say that you love him, but do you really love him as he is, or just the memory you have of someone who was loving and thoughtful when you were 14? Because it seems that person has gone - if he was ever more than a mirage to start with. Do you really love a man who shows you no respect, does not care for you and treats you badly? The other thing is the violence. That will only get worse, I can promise you. Every time you take him back, you will lose a little more of yourself as he gains more power over you. And as for saying you bring it out in him ... RUBBISH. That is him making excuses for inexcusable behaviour. You are young, you have a whole life ahead of you - do not waste it or throw it away on this man. Most importantly, do not underestimate the danger you are in. If he has choked you, even if it was not for long or really hard, he is proving to you that he can kill you at any time he chooses. And he just may choose. Do not let this happen to you. Get out and get far away before it happens. And do not talk to him, at least until you have been away long enough to get some perspective and to see him as he is, not how you would like him to be. Once you have that perspective, you may find you have no desire ever to talk to him again. I am sorry for what has happened to you, but do NOT underestimate the danger. 
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Someone who chokes you is a class A dangerous loser. He went right for a place he could cut off your air supply. He is deadly. and not to be under-estimated so before you say "oh he would never really hurt me or kill me" Think again, he can and he will if you allow this type of abuser an inches worth of leeway. Why do you do this? if you started dating him at 14 and have had no other boyfriends i think it is because this is all you know. You have let your life be swallowed by him. You dont know what's out there. Your friends hate him your family hates him, Honey there is a very good reason for that. THEY see him for who he is, and what he stands for. Your blinded by emotion, coupled with dependence on him because again,...he is all you know. and you CAN live without him. He has already said he wont marry you, (frankly you shud feel lucky) so he holds no future for you if marriage is what you want.
When you look in the mirror and you dont know who is looking back, it is past the time to go. Enjlist the help and support of family and friends you trust. Surely they will help you get away from him. Then go. and do not look back. Know this as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow; HE WILL NOT CHANGE HE WILL GET WORSE YOU DO DESERVE MORE THAN THIS YOU WONT BE ALONE FOREVER YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN BUT, before you can love and be loved, you need to love yourself enough to get away from him.
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Please get out of this relationship, immediately for your health, your safety and your self esteem. Mental abuse is damaging enough, but physical abuse - choking you, this is very dangerous. Please initiate a no contact rule with this man and get some help. We are all here to support you, I hope you consider the consequences of staying with such a dangerous person. Best wishes to you.
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I know just how you feel. I left my abusive husband three years ago and found that my life has improved significantly without him.
You need to go through withdrawal from your abusive bf...cold turkey. Find a good counselor who can guide you through getting out and over him and on to a healthy life. You can live without him. You need to focus on YOU and where you want to go, what do you want to do. Love is patient and kind, it never chokes or insults. Hugs to you...
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I am one of the ones who choose to stay for 20+ years. I wasted a good part of my life being sad, lonely, miserable and scared for my life. I always had hopes that he would change, that he would someday be that man I fell in love with so many years ago but the longer I stayed the worse it got. I put my children through the abuse and I carry so much guilt for that. When I started to think that ending my life was the only way out and started planning my death, I knew I had to get out. I couldn't put my children through that, I had already put them through enough with the decisions I made.
I finally found the courage to leave him six months ago. I no longer life in fear, I no longer feel worthless. I am finally living life for the first time in a very long time. I am rediscovering me again. I know I could never go back to living like that ever again...my only regret is that I wasted so much of my life that I can never get back. I have a daughter close to your age. I would never want to see her going through what you are. Please get out, you are a beautiful young woman. You deserve so much better then that. You will be okay without him. It takes time to heal but you will be okay. I promise you that. Please don't waste your life away on somebody you will never love you the way you deserve to be loved or treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your life is worth far more then that. We are always here for you! Sending big hugs to you...
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Kelly, there is so much out there for you. You deserve to be happy and loved. This guy is slowly taking your very soul. He may one day take your life.
Please take the advice here to heart and mind. These ladies are telling you straight. It will NOT get better,sweetie. Stay safe,stay strong,and know we care. Blessings~ Pam
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the thing is. hes a really good guy. like he put his hands on my neck the other night but its been years, since he has done anythng like that. he was awful to me when we were kids. he would call me names. but over the past few years hes been trying to mature. and trying to be loving. hes been doing so much better. the past two months hes been communicating more and really trying to make it about me. and be respectful. ive seen such changes in him. but the other night i kept trying to talk to him and he didnt want to talk and i kept trying and fighting and he lost it. he wont talk to me now at all
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hes constantly saying that to me he'll never be enough. no matter what he does it wont be enough. in alot of ways its true. im always mad at him. bc before and sometimes even now, he was always putting me down. but he realized he made mistakes. hes told me that he wishes he was more like me, kind and very giving. he tells me he wants to get engaged. but then teases me that we are not getting married. its just so hard. i love him. i love so many qualities about him. i feel lost without him. i know im a mess. ugh im sorry
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I know that one too - mine didn't hit me OFTEN. Well you know what? He should never have hit me at ALL and he certainly should never have choked me.
You were trying to talk to him, and he didn't want to so he choked you? Sorry, that is never an appropriate response. It is not your fault when someone chooses that path. You are doing what we all here have done - making excuses to yourself for his appalling behaviour. Everything you describe is the same sort of thing most of us here have been through - one minute he says you are better than him, the next he's putting you down. One minute he's talking about engagement (not actually DOING anything about it), the next telling you he'll never marry you. It's all designed to keep you dangling on a string, keep you confused and off balance, and keep you under his control. Please listen to us - we have all experienced that "love" for somoene who is abusing us, the confusion, the desire to stay. But you need to at least get out and get some perspective.
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May I suggest a book for you to read? It is called "But, he never hit me" by Jill Murray. It will help you sort things out. Your guy has given you a hint of what is to come if you stay or marry him. I know you say you love him and perhaps you do, but something inside you led you to post here and I think you should pay attention to why. In any case, glad you are here.
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