What is Physical Emotional Abuse
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) or is unlawful or wrongful....
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He's willing to do anything he says...
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I'm wondering what to do (again).
I'm feeling a bit unsteady right now. I met with my stbx last night before picking up the kids. We discussed the kid's schedules, the mediation, splitting assets, etc. He kept asking me if I was sure this is what I wanted and I kept telling him yes. He never got pushy, which he usually does. He asked me what my heart was telling me and I told him... I told him that I knew I couldn't live with him controlling every little aspect of my life. I couldn't live without any hope or the feeling that I didn't have control over my life. I couldn't live with him being cold, distant, and emotionally abusive any longer. I couldn't live feeling like I was going crazy. (and much more) I told him that I loved him but that I had fallen out of love with him because of his abuse. I told him that I am becoming stronger and feeling free and that it felt good. I told him lots of things that I was never going to accept or allow anymore, ever. He told me that he agreed that he should never had treated me the way he did and that he wishes I would give him another chance for the sake of our children. He told me that he would do anything to save our marriage. He would go to counseling and do whatever I ask of him. He told me that if after a certain time (which I decide) that I felt he hadn't changed and that I didn't feel right and still wanted a divorce then he would give it to me. He told me that we could get all the paperwork ready now so that if it comes to that then we will just do it. I told him that he needed to work on himself and that I couldn't help him and that he shouldn't expect me to help him either. This was all on him. Also, I told him that my decision to leave him is and will be based on what I feel not on wether he's willing to change. I've finally started to listen to my inner voice and I'm taking care of myself. Please tell me what your thought are. I just don't know what to do anymore. My heart breaks for my children and I really wish and have wished for so long that he would "change" so we could stay together but I'm not even sure now that if he did change that I would want to remain married to him. ARRRRRG! I just don't know. Posted on 11/02/09, 08:11 am |
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So if he had the ability to change all along, what took him so long?
What made him think it was okay to treat you terribly for so many years? Why did he suddenly commit to change his ways... ... because he woke up one night and realized he was treating you in a way that you did not deserve? ... or because he finally realized he would lose you? And even if he does change, truly change, could you ever love him again? I know exactly how you feel because I have struggled with the same scenario and feelings in my own marriage. I haven't left yet; I have less clarity than you do, I guess. My husband changed his behavior when he realized I was on the very of leaving. But he won't attend counseling and his old ways keep popping back up again. Even when he is at his kindest, all I can think about is all the years he was not kind to me-- all the times he did not support me-- and I can't get over that. I hope you find some clarity in what to do. 
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