Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I have made up my mind to leave. I know I have to, there is no way I can live the rest of my life like this. His emotional abuse has taken a toll on me and I'm too tired to deal with his crap anymore. I'm ready to start my life over again.

I went to talk to an attorney yesterday, but he was held up in court so they said they would try to get me in Friday if they could. I've got some questions that I feel like I need some kind of advice on.

My husband drives a truck and just left back out today. I'm hoping he'll be gone for a week, but I'm getting the vibe that he's trying to come on back home. He's never held a job for long and has already started making some comments. I was hoping I could get my stuff out of the house while he was gone but I'm getting a feeling I'm going to be surprised by his presence in the next day or two. I don't want to do it while he's there because I know the sparks will fly and then "Mr. Nice" will eventually try to suck me back in. Too bad, I'm done! But here are some issues I don't know how to deal with:

1- He recently got custody of his 15 y/o son whom I've had to take care of... feed, make sure he's getting to school and picked up every day. He was going to stay with his mother last night but they got into a big fight and she turned back around and dropped him off again. She called him redneck trash and said she didn't ever want him over at her house again and now he claims he's never going to see that pill-poppin' B---- again. There really isn't anyone else to take care of the boy. I certainly don't want to do it because he is too much like his father (disrespectful, sneaky and nothing but a liar) and I want to cut all ties when I go. I was hoping he'd be gone this weekend so I could pack up and leave without him calling his dad telling him what I was doing. But then again, I feel guilty because I've always been the caretaker (even though I've been taken advantage of and manipulated beyond beleif at times).
2-I REALLY want to get out of this town! Is it a good idea? How do I start over? I'm planning to stay with my parents for now until I can find a job, etc. out of town (about an hour or two away) but I don't want to keep running into his friends and I don't want him popping up at my job, my parents, or where ever I am. I know he will. Should I get a restraining order? He never physically abused me, but he has made comments, jokingly of course, that according to our state law, he can "take it" (meaning sex) if he wants to b/c we're married and most recently his "joking" comments have been "I own you". I just want to get away and start a new life!
3-Thankfully we have no children together, but we do have 2 dogs. Actually one is mine and one is his / but still "ours". But I'm VERY attached to both of them, they're like my babies. He's pretty attached to his, but if he's going to be on the road and can't take care of her - then what? I imagine he'd give away her or try to sell her to somebody. I feel sure he's not going to let me just take her.
4-He filed bankruptcy about a month ago. Both of our vehicles are in his name. If I go to an attorney, I can probably get it worked out to keep my car, but I'll have to make the payments on it. There's no way I would be able to afford those payments! Does anyone know how this kind of stuff works? I'm sure I could get an old, cheap used car to get by in for a while.

I'm just anxious, and frustrated and really feel the need for some support around me. My parents are willing to help me move out, but my poor mother is stressed with working fulltime and illness issues popping up with her mother and her sister she doesn't know what to do. My father's in poor health also and can't do a lot of heavy lifting.

My 18 y/o daughter will be moving with me too, and she's never gotten along with my husband. He's been really awful to her over the years and she's always stood her ground with him. He's taken that out on me quite a bit. I can probably count on one hand the number of days in the last 6++ years that he HASN'T raised hell with me about her at least once a day. She was always such a good kid, but she's gotten very rebellious in the last couple of years and does what she wants to do anyway. I don't come down too hard on her a lot of times because I know he will, and has.

I just want to get out the door and end it. At this point, I don't think he has a clue its coming. I took his crap this weekend and drew strength from the fact that I knew it was over and I was going to leave very soon. On the other hand I feel like a horrible person for being sneaky and somehow thinking I'm really going to hurt him by doing this. I'm trying to make myself realize by everything I've read that he's not capable of really loving me, it's all an act.

Anyone have any words of advice on anything here? I'd really appreciate it. I don't have any close friends anymore. Everytime I'd start connecting with a friend, he'd feel like I was talking about him and then he'd start with lies about that person. I caught on after a while and figured it wasn't worth it to try and have any friends.

THANKS!
Posted on 10/28/09, 04:10 pm