Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

First, can I just say that coming in here and being honest about something like that - feeling like you may be doing something you don't want to do, which is hurting your girlfriend - is a HUGE step. You would think, maybe, because the majority of abused victims in here are female, that nobody would understand a male's point of view...or that nobody, due to resentment would even think to give advice to someone who may be doing something that hurts their girlfriend, because well, really, it's a touchy subject.

But ...I love when guys post. I love knowing the male's point of view, abused, or abuser. Not to say you are either one.

Let me just say it's probably pretty rude to walk away from your girlfriend for that long, on top of having her follow you. She made the choice, but most likely it was done out of fear. Unless she looked angry, which means she maybe just did not want you to go anywhere, with all the resentment she was feeling.

Thing is....talking through problems is considered a great thing in a relationship, a fair thing. If you do not communicate, and you haven't previous stated something along the lines of "I have to take a minute before I talk, so I can cool off. But I will return." or something, she will have most likely been intimidated, maybe even afraid that you aren't willing to talk, that maybe you are giving up or just too angry. Eventually, guilt will even take over, and she may assume she was responsible for the problem, even if she knows something wasn't right with the way you walked away.

most victims of abuse(unless really %100 healed, usually would respond in an accepting way to abuse. It's all we know, after all).

I don't think you should have walked away, but sometimes its a good way to cool off as to prevent further damage in a conversation or arguement.


BUT...you werent very specific...you didnt say you had an arguement, just a freak out...which leads me to turn a WHOLE nother route. She may have been afraid you'd commit suicide, or that she should follow you to make sure you're okay. Even then, its still not suggested to just keep walking, because I'm sure it hurt her feelings to have to follow for so long, and be afraid of your well being...But I believe walking may help anxiety, so i dont think you were being emotionally abusive.

personally, I think you're in the clear, but try to be more considerate of her feelings.

I don't know if i did okay in this reply, but I know one thing, It's amazing that you posted, you're very brave and you seem to really truly care for her, so thanks for posting. ^.^

A counsellor I once saw said it is fine to have a time out for yourself, but if you're walking out on someone, you need to tell them you're taking a time out, you need to keep the time out reasonable, and also let them know when you will be back.

My stbx disappeared for hours on end, wouldn't phone, sometimes came home very late at night, sometimes disappeared for the entire weekend, etc., etc. I would just be left hanging. There was no consideration for my feelings at all.

And that was what the counsellor's advice was supposed to address, consideration for the person you are supposed to be in a relationship with.

I don't know if my experience is similar to what is happening with you, but I thought I'd post anyway.

Godd luck.