Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

I know the sitution all to well. And i am so sorry you , your daughterand her baby have to be dealing with this issue. I was in a very abusive relationship long ago and i did just what your daughter is doing. i also told him if he did it one more time i would leave and i never did go anywhere. Is all i knew, then. your daughter will endure that kind of treatment time and time again because she loves him and will hold on to the hope that he will change. The question is will he? I think if he loves her and that baby enough, he will seek whatever helps he needs to change for the better. If he doesn't agree to get the help he needs , she should leave him. I held on to the hope that my boyfriend / father of my children would someday change. And he did, and i thank god for that, today he is a loving husband/ father, but it took a lot of time for him to become the man that he is today , before that i dealt with a lot of verbal abuse , physical abusive. I am glad he changed but had i known then what i know now i would of left. My self confidence was a big problem, i hated myself, felt ugly, unwanted and i dont think any one should endure that kind of treatment. I really wish you the best, i have to kids and i would never want anyone harming them, do whats right, she is your daughter, dont give up on her ever and one more thing, tell her you will not pay for that wedding, not until you see a change man. Good Luck, sweety, my best to you.

I can see your concern for your daughter. I will definitely be praying for her and the baby.

It is good that your daughter knows that she can call you when and if she needs help. Keep those doors open for her- if she gets irritated with you, she might hesitate to call you later on. He has promised to seek help- it might be that he realizes there is a problem and is genuinely working on changing his behavior. I could wade carefully- watch to see what happens. If he does this again, sit down with your daughter. Tell her that she needs to be with someone who doesn't hurt her physically and emotionally. Remind her of this experience- ask her what would have happened if instead of hitting her, he'd hit the 4 month baby.

There is a difference between being supportive and telling her what to do. It's a fine line. On the one hand, if you refuse to pay for the wedding, they might run off and get married out of resentment and it will be hard for her to approach you. Try to be honest with her...tell her about your reservations. Tell her that if he does this again, you are not going to want to pay for the wedding. And stick to your guns. You can be firm, but now with an, "I told you so," sttitude. It's hard to know where to draw the line- on the one hand, your daughter is an adult and can make her own choices. On the other hand, you would express the same feelings and concerns for a friend- you're not trying to oppressher and shelter her, you are concerned for her safety. I would say that the best thing to do would to be to express your opinions ONCE. Express your concerns and opinions firmly and clearly. Don't bring it up everytime she calls to tell you what's going on or she might not call anymore. Instead, stick to your guns but be there for a safe haven for her, a shoulder for her to cry on, and to listen to her vent.

I would also suggest counseling for her- on her own. I was in counseling and in talking to my therepist, I realized how much in denial I was and got out. Maybe your daughter needs a subtle push in that direction as well.

Its only going to get worse from hear... Do not. And I mean Do not pay one single cent to that wedding... If you truly love your daughter you will let her know why you wont pay for it... Its for her safty... not because you dont want them to be together, but because im sure you raised her to know better... doesnt she know that soon he will start abusing the baby too... if he hasnt done so already... when you deal with drunks there is no talking sence to them... NONE... im sure your daughter and your grandchild deserve better than that... and what you did was the right thing to do... What your daughter is doing is wrong... and i know from your point, its hard to talk to her... so just get the family ready, to head that way next time she calles, cause i think this ass wad needs a good smack to the head with a base ball bat...

I hate to sound like an ass... but i have lived with it before as well... i have tried to help friends who have gone through this before... and they keep going back... there sometimes is nothing you can do or say except, to save yourself from the emotional hearache.... tell it to her like this... that you are her mother, you do love and care for her, but you will not allow your granddaughter to live in that situation, and you will take her to court if she goes back for custody of the baby, for the babys protection, and for the daughter, you will help her get out of the situation, but if she goes back, you wont help anymore, tell her if she keeps going back she will know what will happen and she will deserve it...

i know thats hard, and noone deserves to be beat up like that, but look at it this way... in that kind of realationship the one recieving the abuse is like a drug user... they say they want help, they try on there own to get help, they scream and beg for help, and hurt everyone around them, but yet they keep going back... and sometimes there is nothing you can do... its her life, she will destroy it how she wants to...

my advise is to talk to her, and if you have to, find some way to take her baby if she goes back... for the babys sake... no child should live with that... it will cause mental problems later in life for that baby... maby your daughter will understand, and wont return to him... maby she wont... but if i were in your situation, i would take the baby, and tell your daughter she is on her own... she will realise when she doesnt have her child and she has black eyes later on down the road, she will know just how bad she messed up and will come back wanting to be with her daughter, and not live her life all beat up...

just an idea... i hope you can find a better way to work this out, but if not... you must stay strong for her...