Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

My husband and i have been together for 10 years, we've had more downs than ups through the years and now were just spiraling downhill. He's been mean and selfish through the relationship but then he's been really sweet at time too, atleast a long time ago, mostly the two swap back and forth depending on what he's doing in his personal life. (drinking, drugs, etc.) About 4 years ago, he got away from going to church etc. i don't recall why or when i just know it was absolutely horrible. He would go drinking with his team members after work and go out to our van and get high with them, some of which were women. i had ask him to not party with two particular women and he disregarded my request. As a matter of fact he went to one's house party and came home with a black eye from her boyfriend (her side job was a stripper) He said he did nothing, the guy just got mad and punched him. He layed beside me that night repeating, i'm so sorry babe, i'm sorry. (Later on some of his coworker told me alot went on) The other girl brought him home another night, both of them so drunk, my husband didn't even know his address nor was he able to give directions. I was very upset over both of these incidences, he was doing drugs as well, whatever pill he could get and he would do them until they were gone and I would beg him throughout the night to stop for fear he would hurt himself but he would call me names and continue to do so, only to wake up the next morning and call me a bitch and accuse me of stealing them. I even tried doing journels all night so he could see what was going on, he never believed me, said i was a liar. His lifestyle continued until he eventually lost his job for timesheet fraud, all his team members, most of whom he partied with, he was paying them when they wouldn't come into work. When he told me about it, he lied and said he had only given one person 8 hours because they deserved a vacation. i was ready to back to work (we worked at the same place)and fight for his job because it just wasn't right, we had been given the ability to do things kinda like this, although i told him 8 full hours is kinda risky. When i got to work and pulled up the files, i found out he had lied and i looked like a complete idiot. I was unable to keep up all the payments so i had to file bankrupcy, I lost my job, my land and my car. By this time i was very resentful there had been other devasting things in the past but i wont go into all of that. We moved into a rent house and he finally found a job, unfortunately my position was moved to nights. He hated it but I did too, I had to pay bills and take care of the kids. He started getting very suspicious of everything i did. Started accusing me of having an affair, one night i had came home and started chatting with another coworker (a women) and he said it didn't matter i would probably screw anything. i hadn't had an affair in the past but he had freaked out another time on drugs and accused me of it, took our daughter while i was at work and called and said he was leaving, he even knows that it didn't happen then, course he didn't bother to tell his parents any different after the fact. Anyway, it just got worse, he would email, then go into my email and if i had recieved it but hadn't responded he would be calling. Sometimes he would call or email me 25 times or more and if i didn't answer he would call people that i worked with. he would call me a slut if i wore something he didn't approve of and so on. During this time i had actually found some old chat logs where he was telling another women that he worked with that he had a hard time talking to her because of how he felt about her. He dismissed it saying it was all just flattery so he could get drugs then the focus would go back to me. Finally after several months of this, almost lost my job, he wrote a threatening email to my boss and the police came to my work, i would leave work bawling etc. i went to a good friend of mine and told her if he wants to accuse me then i'll do it, and i did. (Biggest mistake of my life, makes me sick to think about it) i figured he would be so mad that he would just leave. He started being nicer and i started feeling very bad so i never did anything with the guy and he got mad and left a message on my cellphone, he knew that my husband listened to all my messages and read my emails. I acted like i didn't know what the guy was talking about but then later wrote my husband and told him everything. He didn't leave, he said he loved me and wanted us to work things out, i was so ashamed and wanted to stay with my daughters daddy so I did what he asked of me. I immediately stopped any contact with the individual. I gave my husband my cell phone, let him have access to all emails and close down others, never used any type of chat program, called him from payphones if need be so he would know where i was at all times and he had asked me to put all the issues I had with his past behavior on the back burner and focus on him so he could overcome this. i tried but still felt resentful for all the things he had done to me, he said he had never ever done anything this horrible to me. As time went on, it's now worded more as I've never been a SLUT and F-ed somebody I worked with. It has been a year and a 1/2 almost and he makes rude comments, he says I have never done anything to help him get over it, he humiliates me (example; we went to the circus with our daughter and every lady that came out in her scantily dressed clothes he would ooohh and ahh and say things like, 'look at that butt' wow, thats a great shot' even grabbed the camera out of my hand and took pictures of the lady's when they would spread their legs up on the tightwire) he calls me a liar, slut, bitch, whore, etc. whatever his fancy is for the day, then theres other days when he acts all sweet, so when i pull away and i'm not affectionate due to previous comments and actions, he tells me how mean i am and what a horrible person I am. Recently he started buying weed again, which he hid from me and then lied when i first asked him about it and so i told him I was not willing to take that risk with my kids and don't want them in the car with him, nor do i want to be arrested just because i'm riding with him and i'm his wife. He tells me what a dumb a$$ i am and how F-ing ridiculous I am and continues to do so. I had an appointment at DVIS last week with the coaching of family and friends and everyone tells me he is emotionally abusive, he denies anything and everything and at this point, i feel like i've been with someone that has never loved me nor ever did. i guess i'm looking for unbiased opinions from anyone at this point. Sorry it's so long, ALOT of things i left out. :o(
Posted on 04/01/07, 07:04 am