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Monday August 3, 2015

Rambling Stories

  • Hell Without End, Amen

    Sunday, February 17, 2013 | A Rambling story

    I am tired of living.  I am tired of using the same reason to keep living-my sons. 
    I am tired of the memory and vision problems from the hydrocephalus.  I am tired of the balance and added memory problems from my brain tumors and radiation treatments. I am tired of the arthritis pain. I am tired of the Scoliosis, Tinnitus and vertigo.
    I am tired of trying to find a job.  I ti...

    1 Recommendation

    5 Comments

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  • Young n dumb

    Monday, February 18, 2013 | A Rambling story

    so once upon a time I had what I call a hero crush on one of my cousins. Its not really a loving desire type of crush. More like an iinfatuation because he didnt make me feel like an outsider and actually spent time with me. Then the day came when we were sitting on grandmas pourch and he said he had to go she his girlfriend. For some reason I got jelious and upset but tried not to show it. It fe...

    1 Recommendation

    4 Comments

  • Fool of all fools

    Saturday, May 18, 2013 | A Rambling story

    What am I still doing here? What am I waiting for? Why am I still waiting for a change that will never happen? A change that will benefit me for once. Its not right to give up on what you want in life But why keep trying and its not going anywhere. You try so hard but see or feel no progress. What is the point. Am I just a fool? Shut out in the darkness and the only light there is the wrong path ...

    1 Recommendation

    4 Comments

  • Struggling with my reflection

    Saturday, August 3, 2013 | A Rambling story

    The struggle with self reflection. Seeing old issues in a new way. Finding oppourtunities to do better and do the right thing. The feeling of being alone while attempting to correct old ways and habits. This battle from within is huge. I yearn for her. I need her. I want to change and want her advice.
    Pride and selfishness is what got us here.
    Is it over? It certainly feels like it...

    1 Recommendation

    4 Comments

  • stomach-y feeling

    Tuesday, October 14, 2014 | A Rambling story

    there was an incident very early on with my ex that told me everything i needed to know about him, so naturally i ignored it. i guess i really wanted to be with someone, although i never thought of myself that way, one of those people who have to be in a relationship all the time. however, i was in a relationship all the time, so go ahead and do that math. 
    we had been together about two mon...

    1 Recommendation

    4 Comments

  • Clarity

    Monday, February 16, 2015 | A Rambling story

    I woke up this morning with a little bit of clarity. He is still controlling my thoughts, actions, mood.  I am allowing this to happen.
    Spoke with him last night. In a  25 minute conversation he said:
    He loves me, he needs me, He never really loved me, I'm too weak of a person to be with him. We have something that is special and rare. He will never love anyone like he loves me. We neve...

    1 Recommendation

    3 Comments

  • Day 15

    Wednesday, February 25, 2015 | A Rambling story

    I am doing better in many ways, but this is so up & down. I'm having such difficulty being comfortable with myself. I do miss him, but it is not gut-wrenching like the last times. I am very sad, but it's like he has died. I'm trying to figure this out right now. Why I'm feeling this way. I guess it is acceptance. Our relationship is dead. I really have no hope of reconciliation. I don't want ...

    1 Recommendation

    4 Comments

  • I made it through one more tough night

    Wednesday, February 25, 2015 | A Rambling story

    Last night was bad. I cried til I could cry no more. He's texting someone new and it hurts so bad. I cried and screamed and punched pillows like a crazy person and tried to conjure all the bad, all the hurt, all the things he has done to me.
    I fought so hard to not text him and it was gut wrenching. I wanted to puke. Sometimes, I become physically Ill from this. But as I sobbed, i prayed and I ...

    1 Recommendation

    3 Comments

  • Tired

    Friday, February 27, 2015 | A Rambling story

    I've done good. I've gotten out & am making steps toward a future. I'm spending time with family & friends. I'm looking for an apartment and looking a jobs. But I am weary.
    I am Sad. Sad I am.
    I am so sad and so tired. I am having such a hard time with missing him. I don't believe I would ever go back to him. I just want to stop missing him and to stop thinking about him.
    I just wish...

    1 Recommendation

    3 Comments

  • One Month Out

    Tuesday, March 10, 2015 | A Rambling story

    I left him one month ago today. I have been NC for 3 days. I don't ever want him back. I am still so sad about him though. I know he is a lost cause, but I'm still missing him. He is an ass and a drunk and a mean person, but I still miss him.
    I'm glad that I've been able to stay away from him. I'm glad that he's not trying too hard to get me back.
    Feeling kind of low today. I didn't hear back on ...

    1 Recommendation

    4 Comments