Thursday April 17, 2014
Lana, my sister-in-law, wife of my oldest brother, e-mailed me, this evening. This is the same brother who, 10 years ago, when I was looking for work, promised me... No assured me that he could get me a job. Then, when Jennifer, my second wife, and I divorced he just left me hanging. He never contacted me. But then, he has never been one to contact me! Anyway, Jennifer div...
AdvertisementI am tired of living. I am tired of using the same reason to keep living-my sons.
I am tired of the memory and vision problems from the hydrocephalus. I am tired of the balance and added memory problems from my brain tumors and radiation treatments. I am tired of the arthritis pain. I am tired of the Scoliosis, Tinnitus and vertigo.
I am tired of trying to find a job. I ti...
so once upon a time I had what I call a hero crush on one of my cousins. Its not really a loving desire type of crush. More like an iinfatuation because he didnt make me feel like an outsider and actually spent time with me. Then the day came when we were sitting on grandmas pourch and he said he had to go she his girlfriend. For some reason I got jelious and upset but tried not to show it. It fe...
I read where Mindy McCready's suicide is no surprise to those who knew her. Here is a woman who had tragedy in her life but she also had great talent and success. I have tragedy and no talent and I have run out of success. My body is continuing to decline and I feel like there is no future and yet I keep going.
Like driving in the fog, I can only see as far as tomorrow. Wi...
been awhile since we wrote so updates hmm were ta begin um ran away ta phenix arizona got a ride fum a lady fum church got ta hang out wid her for a while den dey found us again yep dey put a trackin device under tootsies skin dey found us know we bak in reno nv an dey got medz dat dey say have ta take eben tootsie sayz haz ta take medz she bringz dem ta us we not take dem so she tellz on u...
I honestly do not know what I am doing.......... I need to escape from this but i keep putting myself back in it, for what? I cant even answer that. What a I waiting for? I don't know. Right now I lie to everyone not letting them know that I still talk with him and be around him and anything he wants i do. I put myself out of way for someone cant even say he loves me anymore. I'm here for all my ...
What am I still doing here? What am I waiting for? Why am I still waiting for a change that will never happen? A change that will benefit me for once. Its not right to give up on what you want in life But why keep trying and its not going anywhere. You try so hard but see or feel no progress. What is the point. Am I just a fool? Shut out in the darkness and the only light there is the wrong path ...
The struggle with self reflection. Seeing old issues in a new way. Finding oppourtunities to do better and do the right thing. The feeling of being alone while attempting to correct old ways and habits. This battle from within is huge. I yearn for her. I need her. I want to change and want her advice.
Pride and selfishness is what got us here.
Is it over? It certainly feels like it...
Did you know that lack of sleep causes hypomania/mania?
Yeah. I just remembered that.
Well...NOW the fog starts to lift! I finally get why I've been so volatile the last couple of days!
Can you guess? That's right! HYPOMANIA!! (Cause I'm not creative yet.)
Let's see! We got Abby............,,,, a week ago tomorrow! Holy...
Shattered, broken, streaked, and stained
Tears on my face was all that had remained
Bruised, swollen, hurt, and red
See it in my eyes, the wish that I was dead
Pieces laying all about
Picking them up I scream and shout
Broken hearted, spirit torn down
I fall naked upon the ground
Pick myself up off the floor
unlock and walk out the door
Smile on my face a light in my heart
Today begins my fresh s...