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Guilt over my cat's death
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Hello,
I had to put my precious baby boy Tiger down on March 1st. He was 14 and had been with me since he was about 8 months old- I found him as a stray. He had the best life. I still cannot believe he is gone. Why does it seem like it has been months rather than just a few weeks? Tiger was fine until Feb. 21 when he couldn't go in the litter box. He tried twice and then made a strange sound and then got sick. I called the vet and they told me to bring him in. But since he had just been in there the week before to have his teeth cleaned I told them I'd wait to see how he was overnite. In the morning I heard him in the litter box but there was nothing. So he stayed at the vet for the next 6 days. They found out he was constipated and when the vet tried to clean him out he felt a large mass. So it was biopsied that Friday. I just wanted to take him home. I got him home Monday night and Tuesday morning he still couldn't go. I figured it was from all of the meds and sedations, etc. He was okay when I went to work then the vet called with the results - aggressive carcinoma...rare to find that in cats in that area. So I went home from work and found Tiger again trying to go and couldn't. And there was also a tiny bit of blood. He tried a few more times that afternoon. I called the vet and he said I needed to think about saying goodbye, I could maybe keep him one more night but his system would eventually get toxic and I needed to think about his welfare.I had a hard decision to make and decided to have him put to sleep later that afternoon. I gave him tuna fish and put him in the sun. He also had trouble walking due to the procedure and probably the mass which the vet said had probably grown. There was no cure. Then he went to sleep. Later I took him (he didn't want to go) and they were waiting for me. He went peacefully - I was with him. I tied to be calm but couldn't stop crying and still cry.If I had only known all of this would happen in one day I would have slept downstairs with him the night before. I live alone and he was my only pet. Posted on 03/20/11, 09:27 pm |
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First of all, welcome to DS and I am so sorry for your loss.
Coincidentally, I also have a 14 year old kitty named Tiger who I also found as a stray when he was very young. He's had feline lymphoma for the past couple of years. Even though he's find and appears to be in remission, I know the day will come soon when I will be in a similar situation. Your guilt is a universal one that all of us pet owners who have lost our babies have felt. Unfortunately, most of us do NOT have ESP so we can't predict when our pets will leave us so that we can do things differently. All we can do is remember that we did the best we could for them and gave them a great life while they were here that they might not have otherwise had. 
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Thank you so much. I am glad I found this site yesterday. It is comforting to know that so many are going down the same road.
I know I did the right thing as I remember I had to think about HIM and not what I wanted. I really listened to my vet's advice also. I trusted his judgement and he was very re-assuring. You always wonder though if I kept him one more night would he have gotten better or worse? I'll never know but knew I didn't want to take that chance.
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I had a 13 year old golden, River dog. Last week I got up and he could not get up. He had been getting much slower, but still walked two sets of stairs to or three times a day and was even able to jump up in the bed with me and my younger golden, Sky.
I had already asked the vet when you had to put large dogs down and they had told me when they just can't get up anymore. I feel bad also, because he was still mentally alert, was taking little crackers from me till he was put to sleep. I know I will always miss him and having to make that decision to put him down was so hard. When I thought about it more, I realized he must have had a stroke and he was just paralyzed. You made the most loving and caring decision you could make. I know we will see our pets again..:). Kenji
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Thank you Ken. What bothers me is that afternoon after talking to the vet I knew I had to take my cat in. So I picked him up off the couch- he was sound asleep...and put him in the carrier. He didn't want to go and started to come out - I had to push him back in. I felt that he was still strong and still had a fight in him to beat whatever he had. So that is what bothers me. Once I got him in the car he didn't lay down in the carrier- just sat hunched over. I am sure he was sore from all of the work the vet had done between the biopsy and probing to see what was wrong.
Maybe I should have waited until morning but I was nervous about his condition. The tech said he was ready to go as he usually puts up a good fight with them. But my kitty was tired from going through all of the medical procedures and didn't want to fight anymore. What if he could have used the litter box the next morning? Maybe he would have been okay. I feel I rushed things too much.
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The best thing you could've done was give him the love and great life he had. :) That's what you have to think about. It never feels right to put them to sleep, but you saved your little fella from any bad suffering. That's real love.
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