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I can't hold down a Job
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I've tried many times to stay in a job and I am a very good worker though for some reason I can't keep myself there no matter how hard I try. I just end up running out. A feeling overwhelms me and I just must escape. At night I dream of escaping out of institutions of all kinds or running away from something or being a refugee. Why am I like this? I do so badly want to be able to hold down a Job and be normal. what am I meant to do?
Posted on 08/24/08, 02:47 am
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Reply #1 - 08/24/08  4:15pm
" I do this too and my therapist told me that this is something that Borderline suffers do, they think that the job is what they are running from but in reality we are just trying to run from all the bad emotions that the disorder provides us. "
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Reply #2 - 08/25/08  6:50pm
" Oh yeah, I'm totally there with you. I get to the three month mark and I end up not being able to keep it. I've found that volunteering helps me instead. It's a lot less pressurised. I understand that not everybody can do this as they need to pay rent etc (I get housing benefit) but it helps me heaps. It means that if I go a little lala then my life won't be on the line. It works for me anyway.

Work very closely with a therapist and talk to your boss about it. It also helps if you moniter yourself which helps find the run away reason. That way you can catch it and people can help. "
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Reply #3 - 08/26/08  12:22pm
" Since you are young, this may just be a time to find yourself. Have you considered going to school or taking a class? If you have a degree maybe it is not really what you want, and you need to switch gears. It is not unusual to go through this, especially for people with borderline. "
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Reply #4 - 08/27/08  4:04am
" I have borderline, and have suffered from this for years. I'm now unemployed after being unable to even show up at a job. "
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Reply #5 - 08/27/08  12:20pm
" I do this too - I went through 4 different jobs, and either ran out on them while at work or didn't show up, or made enough excuses that eventually i got fired. I know what you mean but feeling overwhelmed, cause i know i can do the work but i feel like i can't be there anymore, that i need to run away home and hide in my bed NOW. I still haven't figured out answers to this, although i am starting a new job that i really enjoy, and it is something that gives me more freedom as it is dogwalking and catsitting - this allwos me to turn down work, or call someone in to back me up, it also allows me to move around a lot, so i won't be stuck in one spot for too i had to look around for a job that i felt would give me the flexibility to deal with these emotions. "
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Reply #6 - 08/28/08  5:10pm
" I used to do this all the time! I would stay maybe a couple of days or a week then go! Every day was a effort, I had such low self confidence and no faith in myself. I simply didn't believe I could work, therfore I left before I gave it a chance! Its like a self fullfilling prophesy. You believe you will leave, so you do!

What made me stop was that I was on benefits and desperately unhappy. I got admittedto a pych hospital with severe depression and suicidal attempts.

After discharge I saw a fantastic therapist (still see her). I didn't want to ever be that depressed again, so i asked her to help me make goals. One of them was to get a job. In england you can work under 16 hours per week and still get benefits and help with your rent. Its good cos I could ry work but was reassured that If i fell ill I could quit work and still have benefit.

It was like a safety net. I found a little job and at first I really struggled. I had panic attacks on the way there and was nauseous. I stuck at it, telling myself I HAD to give it a chance and prove to myself I could hold the job. I managed it. Last year I came off benefits completely and now work full time.

I'm not scared now, i know i can cope, but when i change jobs i get nervous cos i get overwhelmed like you and think i may have to leave. I challenge these thoughts. Working gives me confidence and self esteem and my depression has never been as bad as it was when i wasn't working.

I wish the same for you. You may need to take baby steps. When i first started i did volunteering too and its brill, not so much pressure and can lead to paid jobs in future.

Good luck "
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Reply #7 - 08/29/08  9:13am
" Working has always been enormously stressful for me. I worked as a nurse on and off for about 15 years and had all kinds of problems. When I was stressed (which was most of the time) I would dissociate for mostly short periods and that would make things even worse because I had no clue what was going on.

The last time I worked was in 06 when I had a series of really bad breakdowns (at work). Right now I am applying for a disability. I'm also starting a photography course and applying for jobs in that field. I'm not sure right now which direction I'll go but I do feel that I could handle working in a photo lab or taking portrait pictures for somewhere like Walmart or Penney's. I also think I might like it, especially if I only worked part-time.

I think Kirablue gave some good advice. I don't know what kind of training you already have but you might want to consider going back to school for something you think you might enjoy doing. Just don't pick something too stressful and think about working part-time at least to start. You might not make a lot of money but liking a job is important - also a medium paying or part-time job pays better than no job at all.

Good luck with whatever you do! "
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Reply #8 - 08/30/08  11:07pm
" Thanks everyone I'm amazed that you can all relate to my problem, In my life it seems like everyone has a job and I'm the freak who doesn't (i'm on disability). Now I feel less alone thank you so much. I'm considering to take a course in fine art next year, I just hope I can stay in the class room without freaking out. Or maybe I will try to get a little part time job I can't decide. Volunteering sounds like a good idea to. Thank you everyone! "
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Reply #9 - 08/31/08  2:05am
" Fine Art course sounds great, that's what I did too! It may help you to express yourself through your art and also it's a nice relaxing activity to do. Not so much pressure.

I wish you good luck! "
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Reply #10 - 08/31/08  9:22pm
" I have to vouch for what beerlover says above. Dogwalking/petsitting is a great job for borderlines. I've been doing it full time for 2 1/2 years now. You can be your own boss and if you are in a bad mood, the animals don't mind. It gives you freedom of movement and exercise all without having to answer to anyone but yourself and the owners. In any case, I think whatever you can find that allows you to work for yourself without interference from others is the best idea. "

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