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Dating with an ADHD child
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I have recently started to date this very nice guy. However, he is single and has never been married or had children. Although, he is great with other friends children, my daughter is more difficult than the rest. We have been great friends with mutual friends for a long time.
Because he lives 5 hours away we spend weekends together. Most time it is just me and him but I finally took my daughter. He was ready to start to be around her and be apart of her life too. It was interesting to see his reaction in his environment and his place. At first he managed really well, and my daughter took to him really well. But in the evening as her medicine wore off and we had her nightly battle of going to bed, I could tell he was getting stressed and so was I. My daughter tends to be really argumentative and she really stresses me out, especially when its time to get her to go to bed. Anyone have any advise for me on how to handle easing him into and this. I don't want him to be scared away but I want him to understand too???? I really like this guy! Help! Posted on 06/22/09, 03:06 pm |
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Just be honest with him sbout her dx. tell him that it can be difficult for her to handle things sometimes, she needs a lot of patiance and consistency. maybe have him come to your home a few times to see her on her own turf,just try to educate him on it and if he does not act like he eants to deal with it. then I know he makes you happy and stuff but he is not the one for you if he cannot accept your child, 
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Its all so new dating, with a child, let a lone a child with adhd. I myself am trying to figure out how to deal with my daughters impulsiveness and listening issues. I do believe that you are right though. Hopefully we can take it slower and he can see her in her own enviornment.
And he has to be accepting and comfortable with my daughter or it won't work. Either way I pray God guides me to make the right decissions for me and my daughter. My daughter is 5 and starting Kindergarden this year. Her name is Lilly! :0
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I agree about being honest. Your daughter comes with you. If he wants to engage in a serious relationship with you, he has to engage in a relationship with her as well. If he chooses not to, well, his loss in my opinion-- not that it makes it any easier, of course.
My best friend was widowed at age 23. She had two small children at the time who are of mixed race. There were lots of guys who showed an interest in her while she was single, but a lot would run off after hearing she had two children, and then more would run off after learning the children were of mixed race. The only good thing was -- this sorted of pre-weeded out the losers for her. When she did meet the right guy, these things were of course not issues. And she has been happily remarried, with another three children, for fifteen years now!!
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Hi everyone. I'm a grandma with a son who is ADD and he has a son with ADHD. Your friend really needs to become acquainted with your daughter on her turf because being away from home can be extremely stressful for these kids and meeting new people just adds to that which in turn sometimes make their behavior even more difficult than usual.
Dating when you have a child, even if the child isn't ADHD can be stressful. Our currently divorced son met a wonderful young woman who herself was an ADHD kid, and she has a ton of love and compassion for our grandson. She is well aware of both the patience and discipline it takes to care for and parent a child with ADHD and impulse issues. So, his dating relationship with this young woman has been a real blessing for both our son and his little boy. And, in a little more than a year, he'll be the best man at his dad's wedding to this fabulous girl. So, take heart, it can work. If he can't deal with your little girl, it's his loss. There's someone else out there that can develop a good relationship with both you and your little girl. Have faith and hang in there.
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My gd is 5 years old and have only dated one time since she has been with me, almost 5 years. She is a handful and a half and extremely jealous of my attention to others. She doesn't even like for me to be around friends or family much. She feels excluded and acts out quite badly. If I ever met a man that I wanted to date he would have to accept us as a package deal. I would explain her problems and if he wasn't willing to work with us for solutions I'd have to say goodbye. I couldn't be happy with someone who couldn't accept my little one, problems and all.
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I agree with what everyone else here has said.. you have to be honest with him about her dx and help him understand what it is like to raise a child with ADHD. The bottom line is that you have to trust your instincts and trust what is best for your child. You'll know in your heart whether or not he's ready to take this on.
I can relate to the dating thing - as a single mom, dating is very hard, but even moreso when you throw ADHD into the mix. I went on a few dates with a man last year who LOVED kids, even based his career around special needs kids of all things, so he was even fully aware of my son's needs.. Seemed like the perfect match of all. But when push came to shove, it proved pretty early on that he wasnt ready to deal with it outside of his 8 hours at work. Just trust your instincts with this one. It's nice to hear such inspirational stories.. thanks everyone :) Ours are out there.. if this man is right for you, and more importantly, your child, there won't be any questions.
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