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This community is designed as an open forum where the parents and guardians of children with ADHD (Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder) can give and receive support, as well a...
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overwhelmed, frustrated and at my wits end !
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OK, so here is my issue. I am a single mother of 3 children, all with some kind of disorder. My oldest girl, almost 9 is TEXTBOOK ADHD. Very impulsive child! My middle Daughter is 7 she don’t have any behavioral issues thank goodness but has a lot of problems concentrating, so she has ADD, then my son , 6, he is very similar to my eldest, being diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. Now all that being said, I feel completely overwhelmed, and broken, like I am being punished, or that this is somehow my fault. Though logically I know its not, I can’t help the feelings that it has to do with my parenting, that im not good enough at this that I can’t help them the way I need to.
Most of the issues come from my eldest child. She is such a great girl! She is caring, compassionate, lovable, understanding, and helpful. But then on the other hand her Impulsivity is too much to handle at times! She does things that just don’t make any sense to me! Besides making me angry, upset or frustrated, it terrifies me, for her sake. I wants so badly for her to grow up as normal as possible. To have friends, be liked etc. Problem #1. She is a wetter! She has never NOT wet the bed, I have taken her for all kinds of tests to be sure nothing was physically wrong, but everything was normal. I have cut back on her fluids, tried all kinds of home remedies’, and the doctor has even prescribed her a medication to help her stop, to no avail! Worse now, she has started to wet during the day, at school. This had not been a consistent problem, but on and off. She blames the teacher most of the time, different teachers, saying they won’t let her go, or they don’t see her hand up. I have told her to just go, and I will talk to the teacher, and HAVE talked to the teachers, but she says she is afraid to do that. Her teacher last year said she gave her full permission to get up and go anytime she needed to, but she was took advantage of it and was out of the classroom more than in. She is completely embarrassed by this, but continues to do it. Now , her other consistent issue is her impulsivity , she acts without thinking, even with the medication, of course not as badly as without it , but still does. Her latest thing was cutting her hair! And I mean she cut it so badly, I just don’t know how to fix it! She claims she don’t know why she does the things she does, and I believe her but what do I do to help her? I mean, to punish a child that has a problem understanding her own actions over and over don’t seem fair, but I can’t just stand back and let her do these things either! I have gotten her a therapist, but it doesn’t seem to be doing any good. I mean she talks, but it has not changed her behavior. I just want to help her to understand why she does these things, so to help her change the patterns. I don’t know how. If she continues like this, she will end up being bullied eventually and I don’t want that! She already has low self esteem because of her father leaving, and taking medication when no one else in school has to go to the nurse everyday. She feels like she is not a normal child. I try to reassure her all the time and am just at my wits end. If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it! Im sorry this is so long and drawn out, thank you for all those who took the time to read it through. I guess im venting along with asking for advice ! Posted on 09/11/09, 03:09 am |
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Just an update! After going back to talk to her about the hair cutting again , she told me that she wanted bangs! 
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Honestly, I don't have advice to give you. I feel for you and can certainly relate to your issues!
As far as the wetting goes, my son was over 12 before his bed wetting was under control. I believe, and his doctor said I was probably right, that it has to do with improper sleep rythms and cycles. I just don't think they wake up! I can't address the wetting at school, because my son was homeschooled and felt no qualms about getting up and going whenever he needed to! lol. As to the other issues - it is what we all struggle with. It is something I am not looking forward to with my gs. But it is something I honestly don't know what to do. As I mentioned once before, since my son was my gs's age, they've learned a lot about ADHD and come out with lots of new medications, but honestly, they don't seem to have made a bit of progress on how/what to do to raise these special children! Or how to tap into their wonderful intelligence! To me, sometimes, it seems as though all of the effort has gone into making them "comply" with the norm rather than how to bring out their specialness! Reminds me of the early days of blindness or deafness. We could use a "Helen Keller" for ADHD!
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Oh girl, first of all, my hats off to you.. I am a single mother as well, and I only have ONE child... I feel that exhaustion and frustration and the whole 9 yards that comes with being a single parent and raising an ADHD child. And you have THREE! It's not easy, we all know that.
I don't really have a lot of advice either.. I wish I did.. but I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone with your daily struggles. My son is 10, and I still have to wake him up to go to the bathroom before I turn in for the night. He's able to go the 6 hours that I try to sleep, but any more than that he wouldn't be able to do. He was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive, although he still has traits of hyperactivity and impulsivity.. just not enough to warrant a "combined" diagnosis. But I still struggle with the impulsivity too, and he too is medicated. They've helped him tremendously with his ability to focus in school, but I still need to have all kinds of things in place for him in order for him to be like a "normal child". . and even then, it's hard. We've read a lot of books together that helped him realize that a LOT of kids have ADHD. Some days that is a huge comfort to him, but other days he still feels like he's the only one. It's hard. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel.
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Honey hang in there. I dont have advice except keep fighting for your kids. Its not your fault. I wish I could help you.
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First of all, I have onle one child woth ADHD and can't even begin to understand how u deal w/ 3. Give your self some credit you are a very strong person b/c you are trying to do the best and that's what matters. I can't help w/ the bed wetting although my son just can't aim, it goes everywhere!
Impulsivity is my son!!! He just trashed his room by spraying suntan lotion and bug repellant all over his room, toys, and floor. The sad part is he didn't even realize its wrong! The safety issue is scary. I did punish him b/c they have to learn what is wrong,. Frustrating yes!! Try the book 1-2-3 Magic, it does do some good for my son. Also your daughter sounds like my neice (she's 12) she is "quirky" and has cut her hair and clothing. Friendship can be difficult but she has a tough attitude so it doesn't bother her too much. The funny thing is she and my son get along so well b/c they get each other (mind u there is a 6 year difference).i had to laugh when u said your daughter wanted bangs. My neice has her reasons too. Since she has been on meds and effective counseling she has shown improvemenr. If u are not happy with her therapist u need to find one who deals specifically w/ ADHD! I am on my third therapist. You need to have a therapist who helps with setting goals and behavior plans. This therapist we now have is even having sessions for my husband and I to learn parenting strategies. Hang in there! U are not alone!
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Sweetie, I feel for you. Only have one child with ADHD. I know how you feel, some days, I'm right at the end of my rope. Hang in there. Keep your chin up. You're doing a great job, and this certainly isn't your fault!!
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I don't know how you find the strength to keep up with 3!!! I have only one and have spent many times trying to figure out how to keep my daughter from 'cutting her bangs', the dogs hair, the cats hair, etc. Now I just don't allow her to have any scissors and keep mine locked up; not even scissors for school unless under my supervision. I don't have any advice but I do want to say you are one AWESOME Mom to handle 3 children.
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Try to be strong is my first advice even though it is hard for me sometimes. I have a 7 year old son who was diagnosed with ADHD and a mood disorder when he was 3. When he was 4 I started taking him the a psychiatrist and started taking all kinds of medication. He has taken medication all the way up until this past year. My son wet his bed every night. I tried everything. Then, when I decieded to take him off the meds after finding out some horrible side effects it had on him. he stoped wetting the bed. He was taking Rhesperdal and Clonidine. He is not on any medication and he is fine at home without it. But at school, it is a whole other story. I get calls fome his teacher once a week and I go to confrence meetings every other week. They are trying to get me to put him back on medication but I am fearful of the bad side effects! I really don't know what to do! When he was taking the meds it was like he was a zombie and and did not have a personality at all. I am trying the herbal way and changing his diet. But the school keeps pushing me. I feel like everyone is against me by me not wanting to put him on meds! I am stuck! I am just really glad that I found this group so maybe I can get advice on what works and what doesn't.
I just try to remember that it is not my fault or my son's fault that he has ADHD. And it is not your fault in your situation either. I know it is really overwhelming and frustrating at times but remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!! Also try to remember that you just have to laugh sometimes and pick/choose your battles. If you ever need someone to talk to or to vent, I AM HERE!!!!! Keep your head up and breathe. It will work out! Wow! I need to take my own advice!!! Try to have a good night!
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