Parents of Children with ADHD Support Group

well i think you have your hands full (smile). we have one adhd child and i couldnt imagine having to multiply the struggles by three and have to deal with it myself.

our 11 year old is easily distracted. the best way to stay on schedule is figure out exactly how long it takes him to do seomthing. then we added a min or two to the task to figure otu what time he needed to start. we also removed distractions. like his bathroom has litterally a toothbrush, paste, hair brush and jell (soap obviously) but no pics. no fish decorations as he used to play with them. this helped when it came to hygene. his biggest distraction though is tyhinking of excuses to delay going to bed. but we are firm (in both houses) that he has to be in bed no later than 930. he starts at nine with making his lunch, taking a quick shower, and then off to bed. if he decides he wants a long shower he either does it first and makes lunch in the morning or viseversa..however, he is never to go outside of the alloted time frame. if things arent done, then he suffers the consquences. it has really helped. also, his toothbrush is electric so it beeps when he is done brushing his teeth. this was a true life savor.
good luck.

Being a single parent must be extremely hard. Being a single parent with 3 children sounds so hard I can't imagine it.
If you manage to get everyone fed, cleaned, bathed, dressed, homework, and get lunches for them and they get to school and home everyday, I already think you are superMom.
I don't think that taking an hour and half to get three children to bed sounds that bad to me. Sounds reasonable especially if you're doing it alone.
Im impressed.

i have this same problem. I have ADD myself
i've found a couple tricks that make it easier......but i'm still struggling with my own self discipline.

I use a timer and stickers. but my kids are a bit younger than yours, so you'd probably have to think of rewards other than stickers.

if i don't use the timer the kids can take upwards of an hour just to get their pajamas on.
i started out setting the timer for 15 minutes, just for pajamas. ..... now i set the timer for 5 minutes.

they have their pajamas on in less than one minute most nights.

i have one ADD kid, without the hyper part. and one Aspergers kid. all 3 of them have severe emotional problems because of the absive relationship i was in with their father.

the secret for me was keeping it simple.
i've devised expansive rewards systems in the past, but found myself unable to keep up with them.....too complicated, to time involved, etc.

but with the timer and stickers, i either just keep a running list in my head, or i use hatch marks on a peice of paper, and keep track of how many stickers they've earned or lost over the course of the day.
then right before they go to sleep they get to stick the stickers on a fancy peice of scrapbooking paper they've chosen to hold their stickers. ....after they stick their stickers they start earning stickers for the next day by staying in their beds, and going right to sleep without talking.

if i could get my act together and start bedtime at a decent time the kids would be doing fantastic on this system.
i live on the olympic peninsula in washington state.....it isn't getting dark here now until around 9:30 - 10pm. ....this summer it won't get dark till around 11. this makes bedtime and remembering that it's almost bedtime VERY difficult for me. the kids are still outside playing in the sunshine when it's time to start getting ready for bed, sometimes recently i haven't been noticing it's almost bedtime till the sun starts going down and by that point it's 9pm. my kids should be in bed by 8.

my frustration is more with myself now than with them.

i don't know what advice to give considering i'm in the same boat.

Wow, you guys, all such encouraging words! THANKS to each and every one of you.

Sapphireprincess (I love sapphires, btw!), I know you're right. I've read the book "Time Management From the Inside Out" by Julie Morgenstern and it says exactly what you did about timing how long something takes and then adding a cushion of a few extra minutes. I just hope that I myself will remember to set the timer, and not forget to shut it off when the task is done! lol. Another one of my biggest problems is remaining consistent, which it sounds like you have that down pat (Congrats to you!). Sticking to even my own rules is a battle for me and I know that's not good for the kids. I wish I had my own "mother" to help keep ME on track while I try to train THEM! lol. But I will keep your suggestion in my mind and hopefully I will be able to make use of it.

Irm1021,
Your words meant more to me than I can convey to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Silveroceanblue,
I think the daylight time is part of my problem too right now. It gets dark here around 8:30, I can't imagine it being light still around 11!!!
It's nice to find others who face similar struggles as I do. It's like you said, the plan is perfect, the problem is getting ourSELVES to follow it!
I've used the timer before. I really should concentrate (have to write myself a note on the whiteboard to remember it) on using it ALL THE TIME, not just when I get the whim to. Now, if I can put everyone's advice together, I'll be golden! Good luck to you too. :)

it gets severly depressing in the winter though....i love it in the summer when we don't have a schedule.
in the winter it gets dark about an hour or two after the kids get off the bus. I'm just glad we don't live any further north.

it is definitlely difficult fighting ourselves to get things right for the kids. i HATE schedules with a passion even though i long for routine and stuff. I too wish i had a mom to stand over my shoulder and parent me as to how to do this....my own mother is worse off than i am.

I have 5 kids ages 10, 9, 6, 5, 2. I have ADD my 10 year old and 9 year old have ADHD, my 5 year old has intermitten explosive disorder, ADHD (2 types), and ODD, I set an alarm and I remember that once they are asleep then I'll get some quite time for a little bit. For my 2 oldest I have made them check lists and they get checked up on to make sure they are done. You know check if the toothbrush is wet, check if their hair is brushed before bed, make sure durty clothes are in the hamper. I have to sign off on their checks for them to count, then set up an award system if they get your signiture everyday for the week they get....whatever the deal is for. Hope this helps.

Having raised one with ADHD, I found the timer of immense help! I used it for chores, for schoolwork, for all kinds of little tasks. For tasks with multiple steps I'd set it just to keep him on task. "step one is over, on to step 2 - how are you doing?" As he got older and better able to handle a task, I increased the time, eventually leaving the task to his own responsibility without the timer. But I used it for every new or very important task.

I also used charts with very good results. But both take a lot of follow through on my part. With you having ADHD as well, that could cause a problem. Wishing you all the best! Scheduling and completing tasks will be a lifelong struggle! The goal is to improve, not to accomplish. So any step you can make to make things a little better is an accomplishment! Give yourself a pat on the back for each and every one! :)