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Parents can be cruel
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How do you deal with parents telling you that you need to learn how to parent your child?
I have lived with the problem for over 2 years in regards to my 8 year old son - Bobby. Just some of the things that have happened in the past week. One of Bobby's best friends decided that he did not want to be his friend and when Bobby has tried to talk to him, he runs away and calls Bobby a crybaby or a winer. Which in turn Bobby gets upset and then makes things worse. The other childs mother is not very much help in that she told me in front of other parents - that I need to keep Bobby away from her son on the playground. I asked her if we should take the boys aside and see what caused the rift and she said NO since this is our problem and Bobby just needs to deal with it. Also, Bobby had a school fieldtrip to the Zoo this past week. Normally, I get 2 -3 kids, along with Bobby and we have a great time, but the teacher decided to team up the parents with 7 -8 kids in each group. During the trip, the other parent felt that she could scold Bobby right in front of me, and when I pulled her aside and asked her not to do that and to come to me, she proceeded (in front of other parents loudly) to tell me that I needed to learn how to parent my son and that she felt bad for my son for having a mom like me. In a calm manner, I told her that this was nor the time or place to state that comment. She had only met me that morning. Needless to say, she ran to the teacher and told her the whole story and when I gave my account of events, the teacher said that maybe since we have 2 different parenting styles that maybe she should have just let me have Bobby and a few other kids. No sorry, for the way the lady acted. Oh, by the way, I volenteer in the class everyweek and every event and this is the first time I have every seen this parent. I am so tired of parents that think they have all the answers. Any help on how to cope would be great. Thanks. Posted on 04/25/09, 12:04 pm |
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that's tough. I have a 4yr old with major aggression on top of the ADHD.
Most of the time I let things go in one ear and out the other... not even giving them the time of day, but when I get the "you should spank him for that" I just come back with "due to his aggresiveness his doctors and therapists have said NO spanking since it makes things much worse" and they usually drop it. You are doing your best to take the high road, and sometimes it's all you can do. I've been told to grow a thick skin because some ppl just speak their mind not knowing what the facts are. 
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I agree with hollyesn. It is none of these partents business how you parent your child. Some people just don't understand ADHD and some of the other mental disorders. My son is 11 and the parents that know, well we have lost some friends, were they really friends?
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I always get: "Well when I was young, we didn't have ADHD. Kids just listened or you got spanked." Like ADHD is just a made up problem!
But you have to ignore it and follow your gut. People can be pretty mean. Look at their kids! All you can do is take it as a learning experience and talk with your son. And find nice people to hang out with. Some of these parents can be SO judgemental, can't they? How sad!
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I have had this happen to me on many occasions. It starts to get me down when other parents think they have the right to tell me how to raise my child. I have on one occasion told the other parent to take my child for a week and see what she can do. Of course she didnt take me up on the offer. Some parents think their children are the perfect angels and that they can do nothing wrong. If only they could see what others see.
We are lucky that Miss 13 is now in a class with other children who all have different physical and mental disabilities. No one judges the children and we all get along really well. I hope things improve for you. Maybe some of these other parents need to volunteer at school a bit more to see exactly what each child is like in different situations.
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I know its frustrating and annoying, but in a way, I feel bad for parents who behave like this lady at school does.
1. No normal, mature adult would say something like this to another parent 2. Only busybodies as adults still 'run and tell the teacher' -- how ridiculous is that? 3. You are at the school all the time, involved, know the kids, etc. She isn't. Tells me that maybe she does not do well with a group of kids-- maybe too much stress -- and she just could not handle it. If you can't handle kids, my goodness, how on earth do you survive shopping malls, traffic, or anything else? As for the other parent who told you to keep your son away from hers, of course, every parent has the right to say this. But again, no normal, mature adult would say this in front of other parents--- I certainly have had this kind of thing happen to me. I try to remember that my son needs me to be the role model and the adult-- and I also remember that the effect that immature parents have on a child's upbringing will be FAR MORE DAMAGING TO THAT CHILD AS AN ADULT than having ADHD as long as supportive, mature, loving parents are there to help the child. That's how I cope-- I close my eyes, and remember that.
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Okay... I'm going to do it: you've got to bear your teeth with these women. I know that socially it can be suicide, but just because they're adults, doesn't mean they've lost the "high school" mentality. You're kid is aggressive and impulsive, and if you don't GENTLY take their nasty input, then you are too, right? Women like that are simply stuck-up bullies in superior mom uniforms. If they want to put their kids in social situations, they're going to have to let their kids learn to handle themselves to a certain level. You're kid may be rough, but you're right there and I doubt you'd let it escalate into something dangerous. The next time you're in the shower, practice borderline aggresive yet professional responses. It's amazing how fast they'll back off when their victims (you and your kid) bite back. Stop worrying about image -- sadly your ADHD son gets enough negative feedback on a daily basis; he doesn't need to see mom belly up to the grown-up version of his bullies. Teach him to redirect that aggression into a something that can help him exhibit strength and confidence(which EVERYONE admires) by being his example and advocate.
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I have a son with adhd we get some comments too he is seven.I bet that parent has not got a child with adhd she would not last two seconds if she did,i think i do a great job and its hard work.But, do you know what i think its our kids that suffer the most as they hear it too and because they hear it they think that they are bad and they are not they just have a condition that some parents have no idear how much gos into looking after our children.A friend of mine found a web site that print on t-shirts on them it says on one side i have adhd and on the other side whats your excuse.I think thats great because it throws it back at them without us haveing to say a word it is hard but these people really arent worth it.Im proud of my son we dont have a problem some of the other parents do.I hope that helps try to stay positive a proud mum with a adhd child.
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I know how you feel. I had a run in with the parents that are bullying my son. They took NO responsibility for their son and blamed it on my son and I. They said they also complained about my son to his teacher behind my back! Not cool! As far as I'm concerned they are horrible parents and horrible people just like the parents you have trouble with. Most people don't know how to parent there children right anymore.
Lets be friends. Jenny
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I have had this happen to me , my son was in a rage at school in his class room and it was just before the end of school so all the other parents were outside the class rooms waiting to collect their children, as I approached the class to go see my son to calm him and see what had set this all off in the first place I had mum's whispering "OH THAT"S THE BOY"S MOTHER", and the LOOKS I got too.
I was so angry , I could have walked straight up to one of them and slapped her across the face. I of coarse didn't, my focus was on my son, I ignored them and walked into the class room. How dare they judge me or my child, when they FLAT OUT DON"T have a clue of what is even going on, like their child/children never ever do a damn thing wrong or out of line. Least my son has a reason HA! I think you should hold your head up high, you are the one who knows what is going on and you are the one who deals with it each and every day and that is something to be proud of and stronger for. People who do this are not people I think that I'd want to ever know, nor even explain myself too. Adults are cruel and judge way to fast, where we thought it was children that done this , doesn't that tell you something.
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I just posted something similar to this...the other mom - who KNOWS all I am going through and is working on her psych degree did the same thing. What's so sad is that by my son's account, it was her son who started the fight and while I can't be sure what he described sounded believable. It wasn't just my son he hit but another boy. So my son and the other boy hit back but now its my son who is the bad guy and I guess I'm bad too. Whoop dee doo - they were crazy anyway, so I don't miss not talking to them.
Whats really sad is that my son wanted to be friends again the next day but the mom made a big deal out of it. Now my son is over it and a few days later HER son wanted to be friends again (despite her wishes I'm sure) and my son said forget it - he doesn't want to be bothered by this other kid anymore. What some people don't get is that all kids fight, etc.., but if there is a child with more issues he/she is the one that always gets blamed. I can't believe another parent would talk to you about the way you raise your child. I don't know how I would have handled myself! It does make me mad that other people judge but the reality is that no one raises their children the same and what is important to one isn't to another so really they should mind their business.
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