Paranoia Support Group

the most important person in the world to me is my uncle jimmy. he's always loved me and i've always been his special girl. we have our special things together. he's proud of me. i love him so much. he's not sick..he's just sixty something years old. so many ppl in my life have died. old and young. but it's expected when you're old. i've grown closer and closer to him over the past years..especially the last one. i've always been paranoid that it'd be my grandmother next. i'm not close to her though. she's my cousin's grandmother really. but i've always been my uncle jimmy's and he's always been mine. my dad died 5 years ago. i didn't really know him but there's a void there for him, the place where all the feelings and memories of a daddy should be. i miss him but i've slowly started realizing that my uncle jimmy fills that void a little. i have the daddy feelings toward him like wanting to go to him about things and loving him and being his special girl. i haven't always lived close but he's always there. he's going to walk me down the aisle when i get married. i wouldn't want anyone else to do that. only him. like a girl wouldn't want anyone else but her dad to walk her down the aisle..i only want my uncle jimmy. i've been thinking/having thoughts about it for a few months. always scared he's not gonna be there anymore. i'd be devastated. more than devastated. i wouldn't function for a while. he means more to me than the whole world. i don't want him to go. (please don't take him.) i'm not ready yet. he has to see me get married and he has to see me become a mommy. i don't want him to go. i want more time with him. i never realized how special our time was until i started getting closer to him. when i was little, my thought was "yay he's fun. whatever." everyone else was always more excited. but now i don't think anyone could be more excited than i am when i visit him. i feel relieved when i get to go see him. i feel love. i feel special. i feel happy. i always feel like i want more time too. lol. i don't want him to go.
Posted on 10/06/09, 04:10 pm