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My mind is my own personal private hell
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Hello everyone. Let me introduce myself, I am 14 years old, a girl, named Christina. I'm a freshmen In highschool, and I do ballet. Last summer I tried to kill myself. I see a therepist and a physiciarist. I take medication, just can't remember the name of it. I have tried zoloft and prozac. I have long-term depression and OCD. My family has a history of suicide, I could be bipolar.

Anyway, I haven't told anybody really. But I'm really paranoid. Everytime I hear ANYONE talking about ANYTHING, I get really scared that they are gossiping about me. When I leave the room, I'm usually waiting to see If my family or anyone Is talking about me. When the phone rings, I get anxious that I'm In trouble even though I know that I didn't do anything wrong. I told this therepist about it, and she said that It sounded like I had a case of paranoia. When I asked what I could do to help it, she says just know that they arent talking about you...simple...right?

It makes it hard because everytime I hear anything bad happening to anyone, I automatically think that I did it by not obeying my OCD and that someone was hurt or killed because of ME. It's a lot of pressure and sometimes It even makes me cry.

My mind is my hell. My silent, private hell.
Posted on 02/11/12, 02:31 am
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Reply #1 - 04/06/12  2:35am
" Nope. Not so simple at all :(

Some doctors and therapist are horrible, like they get so numb that they forget that we are actual people reaching out to them for help. I know there are programs that could help with the social anxiety at the least, I'd start bugging your therapist to help with that, and if she doesn't listen keep talking about it until you annoy her so much that she will have to do her job.

I'm sorry that you feel so horrible, I'd be very frustrated too, no doubt.

((((((HUGS))))))) "
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Reply #2 - 04/06/12  2:37am
" my first doctor was like this, I got so frustrated with him ignoring me one morning so I stood on the chair and started repeating my comment over and over until he listened. Maybe a little nutty so you might not want to do that but, don't let them avoid your questions or give you half ass treatment. They work for YOU. And you deserve to feel some peace. "
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Reply #3 - 04/06/12  12:33pm
" Thanks :))) "
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Reply #4 - 04/12/12  12:50pm
" I'm not completely sure how much I could help, but I am schizoaffective, and suffer from paranoia and wanted to let you know your not alone. Your comment about the telephone thing really struck a cord, because I guess I never realized that was paranoia, but I have that concern all the time. Even though it is irrational because I don't do much bad, and what I do one would know about who would want to tell my parents. But whenever I notice the phone ringing and my parents answer I always stop breathing for like a second and freak out while waiting for someone to you yell at me or something! "

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