Paralysis Support Group

Your husband has experienced great loss through his own personal behavior and decisions. He replays the day of the accident every day of his life. He probably believes God has punished him for all the crazy things he did just before the wreck. When you talk to some - not all - crippled or chronically ill people who suddenly begin to suffer in adulthood - they always replay the day of the event - especially with accidents - they replay the day going differently - they made God happy - they went home - they took care of their kids - and they are okay right now - they look out at the world around them and it is populated with people who are not being punished - they watch TV and marvel at how celebrities and others have done outrageous things but are still intact - but they are not intact. They start to think they are the worst of sinners - the worst person - and now they are nothing but a burden - humiliation stings every day. The ones closest to them comes to visit and as they look up at these people - they feel awful because they feel they have robbed their children and their spouse -and their parents (you are supposed to take care of your aging parents) and now if only they could just die and get it over with - because they think of their handicap as a kind of death.

The only thing that can counter this situation is the one thing they have been running from up until now and as I suffer from my handicap and think the same thoughts and have the same feelings begins to know - he is going to need a person who will sacrifice themselves by visiting and telling him that God does not hate him - is not up there chuckling because he was so stupid but who's the MAN NOW? If he can read a book by Joni Earckenson Tada and other books by other people who are crushed and want to die - it could help him understand he was not picked out and punished for what he has done.

Someone from a church or a group where they have experience in these matters - to visit him - when he cusses and screams I hate God and He hates me - but they come back and visit again. While he weeps in his chair and sobs - someone to sit there and hold his hand and tells him - that all he suffers in this world is not forever - so he begins to have hope beyond himself - if does not have hope beyond himself - he will despair and hasten his own death in bitterness, anger and despair -

He needs to understand that all through everything - he is still here breathing and living - and there is a reason he has not been allowed to die. Could someone buy the Joni book and read it to him each day? She describes in deep detail how she begged people to kill her when she became a paraplegic. She despaired and got severely depressed. She now has a ministry to people like your husband - tapes, books and bible studies.

Your husband will not be able to man up and pull himself out - any one of us are just as vulnerable and human as he is and we could not man up and pull ourselves out either - the isolation will kill him - cut off from anything positive and left with his own thoughts - he will plunge even deeper and will do things that exacerbate his condition - that he has not committed suicide - should say something - he may believe in God - hell- heaven and is afraid of self murder - many people when their thoughts are revealed will say - if I kill myself - it will all got worse - this is one positive thing that can be connected to in him because he obviously is still holding onto something - it may be buried deep inside and even he can't consciously reach it but it is there.

Thank you MandieGrace