Organ Transplants Support Group

I received a kidney 2 years ago, and I feel as you do, however I did not write a letter to the donor family. I don't know what to say to them. It's a huge catastrophe when someone dies too soon, and it's difficult to imagine that our thanks would alleviate these people's suffering. However, I've read that so many times the family really appreciates a kind, grateful letter from the recipient of their loved one's organ. Someday I hope I can come up with some way to phrase my thanks, but if you can do so, I would encourage you to write a letter to them. It would probably be the only positive thing that would come out of the death of their family member. Maybe it would help them - and it would probably help you too. My best wishes for your to keep your liver for a very long time! Live your life, don't dwell on the death of the donor, just give thanks we live in a time where these things are possible.

I know exactly what you are going through, I woke up thinking of the donor, donor family, I felt huge sympathy for them. I asked everyone I knew to pray for them. Writing the thank you letter felt really good I thought it would be difficult but once I started it was easy. Just be honest, speak from your heart, I think it will come easy for you.
I have not heard back from my donor family. I would love to hear from them, and would like to let them know time and time again how sorry I am for their loss, and that their decision to donate was a wonderful thing to do.

I was advised to write the donor family a letter one month after my transplant. I was told to tell them how well I'm doing and how it's affected my life. It was the hardest letter I've ever written. I couldn't tell these people how wonderful I was doing when they just lost their 23 year old son. I started out my letter telling them that I was so sorry for their loss. I thanked them profusely and told them a bit about myself. I felt so sad while writing that letter. I never heard back so I cantacted Lifecenter who handles the letters. I was informed that the family received the letter but most of them live in Mexico and it had to be translated. I guess that's why I never heard back. It confirmed for me, though, who my donor was. The morning of my transplant, I read about a 23 year old Spanish male who had been shot because he was mistaken for a gang member. He was not involved in any gang and was an innocent victim. It is hard to be happy for ourselves knowing someone else had to die for us to live.

Quit trying to figure out what is the right thing to say.

Just be honest about how grateful you are. How difficult it must have been for them. Tell them how you're doing and what you've accomplished so far. Both recovery and "gone back to work" type of report. Tell them your plans for the future. "I'm starting school" or expect to start work .... or at now I can care for my children.

Nobody is asking you to write a Pultzer prize novel here. Just tell em what you would tell us.

Promise and keep the promise to write again in a couple of years and every two years after that.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T WRITTEN YET: Its not too late. Just add that you didn't know what to say and now you do. Don't apologize profusedly for not writing sooner. Just say "I'm sorry" you didn't and get on with the letter.

I wish I would have been lucky enough to know who my donor was. That was almost 21 years ago and it seems they were pretty secretive at the time I had my liver transplant.
Good Luck, :)Sue

My husband had a heart transplant almost 2 years ago. We haven't sent a thank you letter to the donor family. I feel so guilty - I can't express in words my gratitude. My husband tried to write a letter but he just didn't have the mental function to do it and I just can't find the words. I like the reply that says just do it!!! Maybe that is the best advise yet!

I am a donor Mother and I wish I knew the two young men that now have the gift of sight that was given to them by my son. I heard from the eye bank that one guy sent a letter to them saying he wanted information on us but he never again spoke to them. I will keep waiting for the day that they will meet me. Ilost my son he is gone but his organ lives on in others. I beg all of you whom have recieved organs to please contact the families and let them know how much you care. It is very hard for us to be without our child but it is also very rewarding to know we have helped others.

As a donor mom, I cant stress to you enough how much these letters mean to us. From the letters I have received from Aaron's recipients, I can only tell you what meant the most to me. I loved hearing the milestones they were able to reach due to the transplant, seeing another grandchild born, experiencing another Christmas with their family, etc. It's not so much gratitude I'm looking for (although a thank you alone is appreciated), but what a difference my loved ones organs made in their life. Also, a vow to take care of and cherish that organ/tissue. The one thing that kept me going on the night that Aaron died was the thought of his recipients receiving that phone call they had been waiting so long to get. I asked my son's recipients about that experience. We are all different, but I can't imagine anyone donor family member wanting their loved ones recipients to feel such guilt. Yes, it was nice to hear that they prayed for us and continue to do so, but we didn't make this decision so others would feel guilty. I hope this helps you with your decision to write your donor families, it means o much to most of us. I only wish all of Aaron's recipients would write and let me know how they are doing.

By the way, what a nice group, I just found it tonite.

My mom had her liver transplant over 16 years ago. The organization allows you to write the family, but does not give you any information about the family. Privacy practices. We were told that our donor was a young man and had been in an accident. He had donated several organs to several different recipients.

I don't know what my mother wrote to the family. I do remember discussing it with her. The fact that someone lost a loved one is hard enough, but it gives the family hope that it was not for nothing. It lets them know that their death was not in vain. It allows them to grieve and to have hope that a part of their loved one lives on. It allows them to accept the loss in some ways because it helped someone else.

Write the letter from the heart. Let them know how you feel. Let them know that because of the generous gift they gave another person or several people will be able you and yours to begin life again. Let them know about your family, loved ones, etc. Trust me it allows them to realize that even through the tragedy that they went through at the time there is still hope. It means the world to them. Remember it is not just about your guilt it is about their choice in the face of death. Nothing you can say will hurt their feelings. Everything you say will give them hope and courage with their loss.

I hope this helps.

I was able to meet my donor family. I am almost 24 yrs post liver transplant. I met my donor's family a few years after the surgery. At that time I was also able to meet the lady who received my donor's heart and lungs. I was 6 months preg. at the time with my first child and it was very emotional. I also saw a few pictures of my donor. He and I looked a lot alike. His parents were expecting a baby also. It was nice to see that they were going on with their lives. I hope that it gave them some closure and comfort to see that their decision to donate their son's organs was the right decision. I now have three children and if I ever have to go through having to donate their organs, I would want to know something about the person(s) receiving them. So, write that letter if you haven't done so already! In fact, I should write my donor family. It has been many years.