Oral Herpes Support Group

On September 6th, 2006 I was a freshman in High School, & dating a boy I met in my 8th period class. I gave him oral sex for the first time after a couple weeks of dating, & he gave me an STD.
I was a virgin, & not really a promiscuous girl; so I thought I was being safe & it couldn’t happen to me, & when it did, everything went downhill after that. I’ve told a handful of people, but specifically my Mother, & my ex-best friend, & for some reason both of them didn’t believe me, actually now that I think about it, nobody believed me.
My Mom said she didn’t think it was possible to get an STD giving oral sex, & my ex-best friend didn’t really know what to tell me. The infection, inside my mouth, & down my throat has been consistent since September 21st, 2006-three days before my sixteenth Birthday. It hasn’t gone away, or gotten any better, just worse, & I have cavities that give me headaches on a daily basis.
I wanted to open my mouth & show my Mom, but I knew after that, I’d be damaged goods in her eyes, & I couldn’t do it, I have too much pride. So I faded away from everything, became the number one truancy of a school containing 3,500 students, & slowly kind of rotted smoking weed every day Anyway, don’t get me wrong, I did my fair share research; & herpes, & warts go away, this disease wasn’t. My conclusion after many sleepless nights on the computer was that I had HIV, & I attempted suicide. Honestly I just did it so I’d have to go to the hospital, & they’d force me to open my mouth, & see. Test me, fix me, something; but I couldn’t say it allowed & admit.
I felt like my body was giving up on me, it was more the depression, but in my head I saw the symptoms. I wasn’t sexually active, so I figured I’d just let myself die; I couldn’t let anyone know I was damaged like that, & I didn’t see the point in living HIV positive.
Anyway, when I was staying in the hospital, I asked them to test me, & they communicated with my parents about my request. I have four brothers & sisters, & of course they heard about it, & I felt out casted from my family. My siblings asked me questions & I couldn’t say anything. When I tried to it was like the infection was this wall, blocking a confession, so it might live inside me & destroy.
The test came back negative, & at first I was overjoyed; but while participating in the OP program at the hospital, I picked up a pamphlet that informed me it might have been too soon for conclusive results. I graduated from the hospital, & the outpatient program (my parent’s spending thousands of dollars), for me to be prescribed Prozac, & Klonopin. Labeled Bi-Polar, but they never asked me why? It was more about the chemical imbalance, & how it was genetics, & bullshit.
I got out just before Christmas, ran away & met the first guy that loved me for everything I was. He didn’t know my secret though, so I knew he couldn’t really love me.
The infection was in my mouth, so I wouldn’t kiss him with it open & I was militant about protection. We dated for roughly a year.
My sophomore year of High school I made the decision to get sent away. I was living with my Father, & our relationship increasingly became very abusive, I was failing out of school, again; & I still wasn’t sure if I was HIV positive. I needed to go somewhere far away to let out my secret, & the place my parents choose was West Virginia.
The only problem with that decision was that it was a Wilderness program, & when I confessed my issue they didn’t think it was legitimate. They thought I was just trying to manipulate my way out, & after two months in treatment that’s when I confessed to my Ma my secret; & she brushed it off like I was being a hypochondriac.
About a year later after I got out of the program, I was heavily experimenting with drugs, & I got tricked into a situation where I was raped. I believe my attacker had some form of hepatitis, & that, combined with my current disease is killing me.
I can’t keep silent anymore & I’m telling the internet my story so I can let it out. About a month & a half ago I got blood tested, & everything was functionally normally. My pap smear was normal also, please someone—I need support.
Posted on 07/05/09, 06:07 pm