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Advice:
10 yr old is completely defiant!
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I have a 10 year old daughter (a twin) who only seems to be happy when either completely embarrassing me in public, hitting me or her sister, talking back to me and just going totally against everything i say. I am at a complete loss to handling her anymore. I try to stay calm until I just can't take it anymore then I explode! But I know she has such a sweet side to her and I can't figure out how to get more of that side to surface. I need help!
Posted on 08/04/09, 02:23 pm
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Advice:
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Reply #1 - 08/04/09  5:29pm
" Well it sounds like she is very high spirited. but if you have concern for her behavior than maybe having her talk to a counselor may help her figure out healthier ways to act. does she have her own thing to do that maybe her sibling does not so. like a sport or something. sounds like she has a lot of energy to burn. also just laying the ground rules out and being firm and consistent with the consequences will help. but if you have tried all that and still do nto feel like you are getting anywhere then I would seek therapy, good luck, "
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Reply #2 - 01/24/10  10:11am
" Ok first of all I thought I was the only one with a ten year old that acted that way. My daughter was diagnosed at the age of 4 with ADHD and even on meds she still was not acting like a helathy happy normal child. So I recently had her reevaluated and she now has been diagnosed with ODD/ADHD plus other mood disorders. If I were you I would have your daughter evaluated just to see what the problem could be. I don't like having my child on meds but when she has a good day the meds are what help her have that good day. I have more good days than bad now that I know what she has and has the meds to help. I discipline her in unconventional ways, which some people say I pacify her or I am not hard enough on her, but when conventional ways of discipline doesn't work I try to find something that does. When My daughter would embarrass me in public, I refuse to take her with me anymore. She stays with a friend of mine. I use to do the same thing with trying to stay calm and then exploded, which that didn't help me in the long run. So my advise is to just have her checked out and tested. Once you know for sure what the problem is then you will be relieved and then you will be able to work on ways to helping her. "
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Reply #3 - 05/14/10  2:43pm
" My 11 yr old has been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD since she was 5 yrs old. I first took her to a therapist (no meds) when she was 4 just so they could talk with her and find out what was going on. She was getting into trouble at school, talking out of turn, humming, running around the classroom, shouting out for no reason at all, just being totally disruptive. We had all the talks with her at home, and asked the important questions..."Is someone bothering you at school?", "making fun of you?", "is anyone touching you where they shouldn't?". The answer is always no. My daughter has a very strong will and personality, she would come to me if anyone were bothering her. I just don't get the mechanics of why this defiant disorder. What triggers it? She has been on Ritalin, Straterra, Focalin, and now Vyvanse for ADHD. She was on each for at least a year and none of them worked passed 2 months. She is still on the Vyvanse for ADHD, but the doctor has added Abilify and Clonidine, and I don't understand...she is building up a resistance to these meds and even with the therapy she is getting worse. She tortures her younger sisters without ceasing. I am seriously ready to commit her. But the thing that always stops me is that she knows when I have reached the end, and then for about a day, she will be as sweet as ever. But then it starts all over again. She is home now because she has been suspended from school (last week as well for a different issue). I cannot take it anymore, I am not in the best of health to continue to deal with this. Her father has talked and talked and lectured her on her behavior, but to no avail. She lies, she steals, and she manipulates just to get what she wants. "
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Reply #4 - 05/14/10  2:45pm
" She was also on Adderal for 3 yrs. It help the first month or so, but not after. "
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Reply #5 - 05/20/10  11:26am
" i have a 9 year old and 6 year old my 9 year old has ODD seems you and i have the same type of child she can be the sweetest kid on the planet at times and the most courteous but then more and more lately she has been evil mean disruptive and destructive, has no sense of whats going on at all, or how she should act when she comes down from an episode she under she understand what she did and it was wrong but still acts u pagain minutes later "
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Reply #6 - 05/30/10  1:38am
" Wow...i really thought that I was dealing with something that no one else deals with...all of these comments are exactly what I am dealing with from meds to the embarassment to the " I can't take anymore". So where is the advice? Has no one figured out how to deal with this? "
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Reply #7 - 06/02/10  8:22am
" I don't have a 10 year old and I don't have your daughter or even your situation so I won't have the answers to fix or maybe even help you in your situation. I have a 6 year old with ADHD, ODD borderline CD and PDD-NOS along with an almost 8 year old with Autism, not to mention my own issues.
What we have decided in our family is that there are some rules that are not negotiable. Hitting, swearing, stealing, lying, etc. We started the 1-2-3 Magic and it works for us when we are consistent with it, although I think giving a 3 count just gives our child 2 times to disobey us. We TRY to stay calm as best as we can. I took everything out of her room so that she can have some time to relax or trash it or freak out by herself. I tell her that when she is ready to listen, then we will deal with the situation.
As a very last resort I will spank her. Open handed on her bum. I have to be as calm as possible before I even go into the room though. I also explain to her that I am the parent and she is the child. It is my job to love her and discipline her to help her learn the right way to do things. Spanking her does not lessen how much I love her and neither do her actions. She understands this. As your daughter is getting older and I don't know what the laws are for your state or your parenting style, I would leave that to you.
Some things are just under the category of how important is it though.
Are you getting out for some mom time? How is your relationship with your husband/partner? Are you two able to get some time together? alone? Are you able to have some 1:1 time with each of your kids? How many activities are they in? Does the child(ren) without "issues" have a support group? Are you able or willing to take a course on restraining? Is there a local church group you are able to connect with?
I hope some of this is a little helpful. I am sorry if it is not. We all need as much help as we can get.
All the best. "

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