What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder OCD
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a psychiatric disorder, more specifically, an anxiety disorder. OCD is manifested in a variety of forms, but is most commonly characterized b...
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Intrusive thoughts
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I have to say that the intrusive thoughts are my least favorite part of this disorder (not that anything about this disorder is really good).
So I initially had sexual intrusive thoughts about someone. It got to the point where anything they had given me I didn't want to touch. For instance, if they gave me shirts, I wouldn't wear them. I also can't date anyone that looks like them, and sometimes I'll start comparing people to the person I'm having thoughts about, even though they look nothing alike. If you guys read my posts, I've mentioned this in a previous one. But I've been so frustrated with this lately. I don't want to avoid things that remind me of the person in any way. So then I think I thought that I wanted to kill them, and for an instant this feeling seemed strong, and then I felt horrible about it! Why would I want to kill anyone?!?! I feel so terrible, especially since the person didn't do anything to me. But I feel so scared that I even had that thought, and I feel like such a freak. It was scary having that feeling be strong, even if it was only for a few seconds. I'm still very scared that I had that thought, and I don't ever want to think that again. I find it hard to be around the person as it is, if I have violent thoughts about them it will probably be worse. I don't want to end up being some psycho killer, that's not me at all! I can't believe that OCD can do this to me, and sometimes I don't think it's OCD because it's so hard to believe that this disorder can cause thoughts like this. I feel so sad. Posted on 11/02/09, 07:11 pm |
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It sounds like your thoughts have you very distressed. First, it is OCD....the OCD causes urges and great anxiety, it makes you feel like you are the only one like this and you are losing it. Find a counselor that specializes in OCD. I can sit and tell you all day long that you are not a serial killer, but that reassurance will not help you. I can tell by your writing that you are looking to be reassured, whether you notice it or not. So know there is help out there ERP/Meds/CBT preferable combination works best. Read and educate yourself so you are not easily had by OCD. You know who you are, you are not a bad person, you have an anxiety disorder. Get the right help and move on with your life. 
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You are not a psycho-killer and never will be. I too have had violent obsessions and have often thought that they are not OCD and perhaps I am just an evil person. I often try to rationalize these thoughts to no avail. It only seems to make matters worse. I am currently looking for a good CBT therapist and recommend the same for you. They are hard to come by. I wish you all the best.
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I think I may have missed a lot here.
But Ridethewave, I have a question. I don't know if I'm just really tired or if I'm just having a ditsy moment, but what did you mean when you said "but how you could you NOT know that "violent obsessions" were not an OCD symptom?" For some reason my brain isn't processing this. It sounded like you said that violent obsessions weren't an OCD symptom? Or at least that's how I read it. I do realize that a huge compulsion that I have is asking for reassurance, but even if people don't reassure me it's still nice to know that someone went through a similar situation and that they didn't turn out to be a psycho killer. The feelings are so scary though, they feel so real, that terrifies me.
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Sorry to see you or anyone going through this. I have the same violent thoughts. I've been put on celexa and buspar it has really worked wonders for me. Maybe you just need to switch meds. Just know your not alone. My violent thoughts were towards my children it terrified me. But with the great support from people on this site and the before mentioned meds I feel I'm not alone anymore and day by day i'm beating this thing. Just hang in there you'll get through this your stronger than this. Write me if you ever need to I'm always here to talk or listen. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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