Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

Personally, I would NOT leave a 7 year old hanging. She hasn't been seen by a doc for assessment. She needs to be diagnosed and start counseling before any drastic steps are taken. Mom, follow your heart and maternal instinct. Now is NOT the time to do the Tough love thing...if that could be called love, right? Screw that social worker's lame advice. You go ahead and answer that phone.

Completely agree with Sawyer. Doing what that social worker said will back fire, she could get worse.

I agree with the others.. things will get worse for her at this point if you don't answer, let us know how things are going with her, she is so young. God Bless You! Lori

Hi complete, (or should I write "cheers"?),

You have my sympathy for such a problem and I have even more for your daughter. I too, went thru some separation anxities with my mother growing up. Not nearly as bad as your daughter but fear as always been with me. The fortunate thing for my parents was that there were no cell phones back then! Plus, my father would have given me the riot act.

I have never been a parent so it is hard for me to comment. However, I think you answered your own question. Your daughter needs to get professional help ASAP. Is the NHS making you wait? What is the problem getting to see a shrink that specializes with kids who have anxiety disorders?

I will tell you that to some degree, the social worker was right. Of course, we are talking about a little 7 year old girl but the conventional thinking here in the US and elsehwere, is to NEVER enable or reassure an OCDer with their fears or help them with their compulsions. For example, if someone had a teenage kid, a spouse or adult child, shrinks believe we should NEVER REASSURE them that the door is locked, the oven is off, they did not run anyone over with their car or that their hands are clean enough. That is just prolonging their OCD. Trading long term gain for short term relief. Not helpful.

But, again, with a very young child, maybe this mental health strategy does not apply. It definitely does with adults. That, again, is why you need to get to a child psychiatrist very soon. And of course, it is YOUR child who you love very much and I have never been a parent. Easy for me to tell you to not answer phone and not reassure her. But, I would want the BEST psych services available for my kid.

Just to let you know, because I have read 2-3 posts of yours, I have driving fears. A BT got in my car with me back in 1992. She turned out the side mirrors and turned up the rearview mirror so they were of no use. WE then drove and she even caught me looking over my shoulder to see if I hit someone and corrected me. But, I never remember her reassuring me that I did not hit someone (I told myself if I did she would have said something. Ha!). My homework was to continue to drive with mirrors out of use and not look back. It helped. I did the same with other BT/CBT with other shrinks for other symptoms. Even though it has been years, I do not remember them reassuring me. Only a psychiatrist that I saw in the 80s for useless psychotherapy, when OCD was virtually unknown, would reassure me that my fears were not true which would help for a few hours but then new ones would emerge and old ones would reappear.

I guess what I am going on about is that I am conflicted because of the age of your daughter and that she has not gotten pro help yet. If she was 15 or older, I would disagree with my compatriots on here and the woman at school (she is obviously not a mental health pro and does not know zip about OCD). I will tell you emphatically that you should ignore her phone calls and whatever else she craves out of fear and that will be more loving and more helpful in the long run.

BTW, out of all the times she has called you, has there ever been a REAL emergency? I bet not. Plus, I assume you are not leaving a 7 yr old and her younger sis alone at home? Isn't there an adult there? Does your daughter know how to dial 911 (or your version..."999"?)if there was a real emergency. See my point? There really is nothing for YOU to fear while she is away from you. Only you to feel empathy towards your daughter.


BTW, do you have any abnormal levels of anxiety? These things usually run in families (genetics).

So, according to leading OCD shrinks here, if your daughter was older, this would be a no brainer. YOU would have to toughen up and IGNORE her fears! But, at such a tender age, I would definitely get a very experienced pediatric shrinks opinion.

Good luck as I am sure it is very hard for her and you.

Thankyou to everyone who has responded! If i leave them it is with their brother who is nearly 18 so no, its not a safety thing! the other day it was with a schoolfriends mum but she doesnt want to go to friends any more!
Ive had to wait about 6 weeks for appt and i dont even know what kind of proffessionals they are - im in the uk and they are called child and family. When i took her to the doctor she wouldnt really respond and was forced into answering questions about why she does what she does (weird hand movements where she puts air in her mouth - she sucks it up so she sucks up the germs and no-one else gets them and gets ill!)
Yes, i have a lot of anxiety - mainly seperation anxiety so that makes me even more understanding of how she feels and how she uses reassurance! I guess i feel what she feels!
thanks again for your views, i just thought that the social worker was so harsh!

I would answer the phone as it could be important. But if she is the type of person who feels the urge to confess or ask for reassurance, do not give it to her. If her just calling in itself is a compulsion, it should be addressed in therapy.

Complete,

I guess your daughter is lucky to have such an understanding mom and the fact that you have the same illness and can relate.

I will tell you, out of all the brits I have posted with on several OCD sites, that nationalized healthcare of yours scares the s*** out of me. Our pres is trying to start something similiar here and it scares me. However, with our govt. system, called medicare, (for elderly and disabled) you can see any MD or shrink you want and the wait only depends on reputation of shrink and regualr doc. Could be days or weeks or months. Just depends. Of course, rural medicine in the USA is a whole nother story and differs greatly from urban/suburban medicine.

Not that this will do your daughter any good, but I am 100% sure there is a very understanding and experienced shrink here in the USA that would be so patient with your girl and help her as much as possible. Not force her to do this or that because of time contraints or limited patience.

I am sure you are trying your best to help her in what must feel like an impossible situation. Keep plugging away and fighting for her with med people and I bet you will finally find someone who has the knowledge and experience to help her.

BTW, I wrote that "I will tell you emphatically.....". Sorry. I should proof read more often. I meant to write that "I would tell you emphatically..." to go along with previous sentence about her being older (maybe age 15). I should then have written "but, she is only 7 and I have little experience with kids with OCD". At some point, however, I do believe that you will have to ignore her fears and not reassure her as this will only serve to continue her illness. Maybe when she gets to her teens you will be able to see that is the healthiest avenue. But, I beleive little can be accomplished without serious professional care. I am 50 and do not believe I would have improved nearly as much with out ALL the help I sought. Remember, in my previous post, I wrote that my shrink in my 20s would reassure me. He did not know any better. In the long run, I believe either he did not help me at all or very little. My improvement came with meds, BT/CBT, educating myself (have you read any OCD books or articles with your daughter so she might start to understand a little?), support groups and relaxation techniques.

Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck and that your suffering and your little daughters suffering will end soon. Nothing hurts more than to see a very young child suffer, no matter what the cause is. Not fair. Never was, never is.

Take care.

I have talked to, read about and posted with so many adults with OCD. I also have been to so many psychologists, in person support groups and READ so much on OCD that I feel very confident about expressing my opinions about OCD. But, I only remember reading one story about a little 3,4,5 yr old boy with OCD back in the early 90s. I think dealing with pre-teen kids might be a whole other expertise.

Yes, the nhs here in the uk completely sucks! Ive seen 3 shrinks and im stuck with the one ive got cos he's the last one left - i hate seeing him! I asked him to refer me to a therapy group and he refused! Theres a shortage of mental health nurses here and when mine got sick (shes not coming back), i got stuck with this social worker who gave me this advice about my daughter! she has no training in these sorts of issues but im stuck with her!

WOW! I will keep you in my prayers-at least where I live (in North
Carolina) Duke Hospital Is about 1/2 hr away. They have an
excellent, well-known ped.psych.clinics/hospitals etc......
I AM VERY FORTUNATE !!!

Hey, I am not a pshychologist but being a sufferer of OCD and with knowledge I have of OCD and from working in childcare, I think I might be able to give you some happy advice.
Its known that people with OCD work well under set routines, so why not set a set time for her to phone you which will broaden the length of time and hopefully eventually ease her worry. Set the call for 20 mins apart the first month (or so), then lenghten to half hour thereafter.
Secondly, who looks after her when you are out? Is there a specific activity she really enjoys doing with the person? Is there a special song she loves and could make up a dance routine to it while you are gone to show you when you get in or the next day? Give her a task to focus on, something special she can show you later, should help keep her mind off calling so often.
Also, maybe let her know you love her before you go out and arrange something the two of you can do together the following day or when you get in, might help give her something else to think about and know you will be there for.
I hope I have been helpful to you and if you try this and it works, do not fear if she doesn't call you on the exact minute, maybe she is having fun and will call when she realises.
Please let us know how you get on with this. x