Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

I think OCD should be known as the tricking disease. :\ It's scaring the hell out of me.
So I've had OCD all my life. I had this image in my head that has haunted me for literally years. I'm talking 18+ years and I'm 23, turning 24 in December. It's not as bad as it used to be. But now my OCD is targeting my son. My beautiful 3 year old son.
It really flared up shortly before my son turned 1. And it seems like
It even targets random people while I'm in a grocery store. I just get that image of me hitting them, knocking them to the ground and just beating the crap out of them and I don't even know them! Never seen them before in my life! It causes such crazy anxiety for me because for a split second, that anxiety tricks me into thinking it's an urge, when God knows I could never even hurt a flea.
I have an amazing son. I'm getting married to a man next year, and if perfection existed, he would be it. He's got the walk, the talk, the body, the voice, & the sweet yet silly personality.
I'm on 50 mg of zoloft for anxiety. It helps me BETWEEN periods, but when I'm close to my period, it's like I'm not even taking anything. It's literally hell on earth. Between this and the full moon (which causes me not to function anyway), I just want to crawl into a hole and cut off all contact with any human being until it's over with.

I also noticed I'm having a problem with the color red and the #6. More with the #6. See, I mentioned before I was getting married. I only wanted 5 bridesmaids. well, I got 6. And it's driving me UP THE WALL because my fiance's going to have 6 groomsmen, and I'm afraid it's like a sign of evil or satan.
& the color red means blood. :\ I don't even want any sight of roses at my wedding because I'm scared it means there's going to be bloodshed.

Ugh. I. Hate. This.
:\
Posted on 08/03/12, 12:03 am