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ocd - terrible thoughts.
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Hi everyone,

I am new here, and tonight a good friend of mine told me she thinks I have ocd with "terrible thoughts" This is the first time I have ever been able to even talk with someone about my thoughts.. and when she suggested researching ocd I did and it was like a breath of fresh air to see that other people have them too. For the longest time I have been scared to admit or speak about them, and I have felt that I am just an evil person and a terrible person, I am plagued by nightmares and it doesnt stop at night. Anything can set me off, a book, movie, commercial, word.. and my mind starts racing.

Its usually related to my three children, and its as if my mind is always preparing me for worst case scenarios and such.. but it goes worse than that.. just horrible thoughts that make me shudder and feel like I am an evil horrible person, which I swear I am not.. I am truly a very kind hearted and loving person..

Anyone else dealing with this?? What can I do to help myself??

Thank you so much..
Posted on 09/01/11, 01:01 am
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Reminder: This is a support group for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

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Reply #1 - 09/01/11  10:10am
" You need to see a therapist. I started seeing a psychologist when I was 20, I ma now 22. Altho I have been going on and off because I go through periods where I feel ok getting help and then I go through times where I just want it all to go away on it's own and be like I dont have anything wrong with me, altho I know that could never happed. OCD will never go away but you will find ways to cope with it. What you are supposed to do is let the thoughts happen without reacting to them. If you react it tells your brain that the thoughts are important and they will only continue and get worse. If you ignore them they will slowly get quieter and quieter. To ignore them you need to distract urself, redirect to another activity such as watching tv, talking to a friend, reading a book. I told my psychologist that I try and do that but the thoughts are always still in the back of my head. He told me that he should have explained it better to me and he said that they will always be there but they will get quieter. I still have not mastered this at all. It is very hard not to pay attention to your thoughts and react to them especially when they make you so anxious. I have thoughts that I am intentionally hurting people with pretty much whatever I do. I do something and my brain is like, your trying to hurt them, then I'm like no and my ocd comes right back and says yes you are your just trying to pretend ur not. No matter how much you fight back with your ocd it will always win. I also have thoughts of germs to the point where i find it hard touching things and sometimes it's not germs it's just i feel dirty after touching soemthing and have to wash my hands, my hands get so dry for washing them so much. I also had an obsession which is almost gone but still trys to come back, it was about me fearing that i was gay. That is a really scary obsession people here call it HOCD (homosexual ocd), I have a boyfriend so it's really scary getting the thoughts and intrusive images. It's hard too cuz no one understands it unless they have ocd. They think well maybe you are gay and it's like no dont say that. OCD is hell and most people dont get that. I hope you can start to feel better. Definitely get into contact with a therapist and you may have to try a couple to find the right fit for you. "
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Reply #2 - 09/01/11  7:20pm
" i suffer from intrusive thoughts that i could harm my daughter who is my world! ocd plays on our worst fears and thoughts that's why it hurts so much and if your feeling guilt or even just simply disliking these thoughts then that proves that you dont want to act on them. Go see a doctor and trust me when i say that they have heard it all before so don't feel scared or worried x "
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Reply #3 - 09/02/11  2:02am
" Hang in there, myboysnme - with millions of us out there, you're certainly not alone. Remember that your obsessive thoughts are not who you are, they don't belong, they shouldn't occupy your mind at all. By definition, these thoughts are unwanted, uncontrollable, unnecessary... By accepting that fact, you may be able to alleviate some of the negative feelings you have about the subject matter of your obsessions. I am similar in that anything can set me off, get the obessive wheels spinning in my mind. Don't fall into the trap, as I had for many years, of believing that one can think their obsessions away through logic, reasoning, what have you. the OCD sufferer simply does not have control over their thoughts - it is frustrating and it is scary. I've dealt with OCD for about 10 years now, and I've found that medication and talking can help, albeit marginally. Unfortunately, this is the way our minds work, the way our brains are wired. Don't try to fight or supress the thoughts - this is futile. I try to let the intrusive thoughts flow in and out of my mind (although very often one will get stuck - which is the worst) and just take it one obsession at a time, always keeping in mind how absurd it all really is, and, above all, accepting that it's not my fault, it's out of my control. Hope this helps you, myboysnme - let me know what you decide to do if you like. "
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Reply #4 - 09/02/11  3:38am
" Hi, welcome to dailystrength :) I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I'm not sure about anyone else but mine usually flare up at its worst when I am close to starting my period. :\ I still have them between cycles but it's very tolerable. I recommend seeing your doctor; I am on zoloft (100 mg.) and it helps for the most part. just not with my period.. so I'm basically on my own once a month. So here is what I do:
Thought-labeling. When the thoughts come on, identify that it's OCD & ONLY OCD. Let the thoughts come and realize that after the thoughts ease down, nothing happened. Your sons are fine. YOU are fine.
feel better soon :) "
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Reply #5 - 09/06/11  9:54am
" I too have intrusive thoughts about my children about harming them or harm coming to them...which I would never do, they are my heart, so it makes me feel horrible. I also have intrusive thoughts about my husband not loving me anymore and vice versa...I know that I love my family and that the thoughts are not is so hard because it makes me feel nuts. I am going to be starting my zoloft treatment and hoping it will help along woth talking :D good luck "
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Reply #6 - 09/07/11  12:07am
" I also have intrusive thoughts about what other people think about me. It is mainly when I am in groups of people, so it might be related to social anxiety. I make up that people must not like me for one reason or another: usually absurd reasons. Then I get nervous around that person. Eventually I forget about what I was nervous about and the OCD switches to another person and another reason why they don't like me. I make up the most ridiculous things, but it is really hard to reason my way out of it. It is almost like arguing a court case in my head.
I have read a lot about OCD, but before I joined DS, I had never actually communicated with anyone that had "intrusive thoughts." In fact, with the exception of my psychologist, I had never even met anyone who understood much about OCD. I hope things get better. "
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Reply #7 - 09/08/11  1:33am
" That is the devil convincing you that you are hopelessly evil despite not carrying out the thoughts. I went over 20 years with every thought of evil in my mind, constant dreaming of it, hating myself, beginning to think I was supposed to become what I thought of myself. It was not until my spirit was discerned by a prophetess that I was able to break off the assignments of many spirits over me. "
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Reply #8 - 09/08/11  6:30pm
" I always have to check myself, and see if I'm turning mountains into molehills by constantly preparing for disaster. Most of the worst troubles in my life have been imagined, and have never happened. "

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