Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Support Group

no, i have never heard this specific o and c but there are so many things we ocders do. I have done so many different rituals thru the years out of fear/anxiety, maybe even once every few years having to drink more or less because I OR SOMEONE ELSE will be harmed (that is what my irrational fear tells me). But for me, i have to do soooo many things/compulsions (physical or mental) or else I or others will get hurt (not in reality but in my fearful mind). Counting, touching things a certain amount of times, looking at someone or something a "safe" number of times. thinking and unthining things are all just a small example of what I have done for decades. So, I am sure others do this drinking compulsion of yours as regularly as you do. I am also sure you do other compulsions and in time, will replace this O and C with a new one without pro help. That is how OCD works.

just wondering....what is the fear you have if you stop drinking 1/4 of the way or just take a sip? does your mind tell you that you or others will be harmed? that is the basis for ocd.

you can also go to ocfoundation.org to learn more about ocd. an older but good book on ocd is 'the boy who could not stop washing' by dr. judith rapoport. it touches on many ocd symptoms and gives a good overall picture.

lastly, you can take the ybocs (yale-brown obsessive compulsive scale) and that will tell you if you have ocd and how badly (just google it or maybe the ocfoundation has it on its site). Do you have the insurance or money to see a shrink? I would encourage you to seek professional help asap.

The one major obsession I have is with the right side. I can't put my left shoe or sock on first, if people touch my left arm or any part of my left side I panic, etc., and just thinking about it or typing it makes my anxiety build. And I have to do a lot of rituals and brush my hair and teeth a certain way, sit in chairs a certain way, make neat piles and stacks, etc. But sometimes when I do something that triggers me to have anxiety and I start to panic, I am able to "undo" what happened and then I'm okay (like taking my right sock on and off a certain amount of times until I feel evened out again). There have been ones that come and go and replace each other also.

I'm not really sure what my fear is of taking just a sip or stopping a certain amount of the way through (or what my fear is for any of the things I do obsessively or compulsively), but usually I feel offbalance- almost like part of me, usually one side, is no longer in sync with the other side. I'm not really fearful of myself or others becoming hurt-though I do have obsessions about that with other things- but it's more like something in my mind makes me feel off and unbalanced (literally and figuratively). I've always had trouble describing it. It's like I end up feeling wrong-physically and mentally. I don't know if I'm making sense anymore or just rambling haha.

I took the ybocs and got 24 which was rated as "severe" and when I googled it, there was another thing that was a checklist of obessions and compulsions from the same site, but the page wouldn't load after I filled it out, but I checkmarked a lot of things. I was seeing a psychologist for having depression, but we didn't touch on my OCD very much, only in passing. I'm pretty sure the insurance will cover it but what's stopping me from talking to my parents is that I don't want to stress out my mom anymore than I have this past year. My brother does enough to cover the ground for both of us. That's pretty much the reason I joined this site, because I don't have any other options at the moment.

dfrnt,

i did not think you rambled at all. i think we all speak 'ocd' on this group! although i did not understand you 100%, i did understand the not feeling right, unbalanced and awkward feeling this illness gives you. i also undo and redo things a million times a year for decades now. i will put a sock on or off, shoe on and off, shirt on or off, walk in and out a door, not let shoes or clothes touch eachother, not be able to wear a certain piece of clothing that day because my mind tells me a certain person or group will be harmed and so on. it is exhausting! forget about my religious rituals (scrupulosity) that are no where near as bad as they were but can stil show up now and then.

well, look on the bright side, according to my 1997 ocd pamphlet, a ybocs score of 24 is only one point into severe. one ointless and you are moderate and on the path to feeling better. Most of my adult years, i scored somewhere in the mid to high thirites (extreme) and KNOW that had the YBOCS been around when i was in my late teens and early 20's, I would have been a solid 40!!!!! Those years were beyond anything words could describe.


I guess we are a little different in that all or 99% of my "O"'s and "C"'s are about harm coming to me or others. I guess there are just sometimes my anxiety drives me to speak too much, drive too fast and just feel lousy. But most of the time my OCD is about a fearful thought (obsession) leading me to perform something physical or mental (compulsion) to relieve my anxiety or fear.

glad you found the ybocs and when i found out about ocd at age 32, i spent the next 8 years consumed with educating myself on this disorder and only seeing ocd specialists. i hope this group and others, ocd books, ocd websites and whatever else you can find on ocd (like some documentaries or tv shows) will help you better understand OCD and maybe even improve a little.

dfrnt said: "The one major obsession I have is with the right side. I can't put my left shoe or sock on first, if people touch my left arm or any part of my left side I panic, etc., and just thinking about it or typing it makes my anxiety build. And I have to do a lot of rituals and brush my hair and teeth a certain way, sit in chairs a certain way, make neat piles and stacks, etc. But sometimes when I do something that triggers me to have anxiety and I start to panic, I am able to "undo" what happened and then I'm okay (like taking my right sock on and off a certain amount of times until I feel evened out again)"

OMG, dfrnt!!!! I do the EXACT same thing!!!! This is OCD, no doubt. (the Doubting Disease.)

Your original post, about how you "have" to drink a certain way is very similar to the way I eat. I have to divide my plate into four portions, and eat them in a certain order. If I think I WON'T finish, I have to LEAVE the lower left one alone. WHY? I have NO idea. It soothes anxiety. I have a "thing" about the right and left side of my body. (I know I would still have OCD, but when I was a child, my mother (heavy Catholic) told me the Devil "lived" on my left shoulder. JESUS! I am still working on that one.......she actually used to LET ME "take" the Devil off my shoulder and flush him down the toilet! (and I would do this over and over, until she got upset at me.) My father has severe OCD, did my mother NOT GET A HINT? When I tried Biofeedback for my Chronic Migraines a number of years ago, (they test muscle tension and strength) the therapist was looking at the paper readouts, and said, "My God, I have never seen such a difference in muscle strength and tension between the two sides of a person's body. Have you had a stroke?" (I had had a few TIA, but the effects were not lasting.) I said, "I have OCD, and I have a thing about my left side." Thank GOD she understood. But, I still couldn't overcome it to complete the Biofeedback. I have actually worn out the molars on the right side of my mouth, so I have no choice but to chew on the left.

ALL THIS is pretty classic OCD.

But, like many OCD symptoms, this symptom may extinguish itself, or it may evolve into something else, but the best thing is to get professional help, so you can get some relief. Once THIS "ritual" is gone or changed, you will just have am other one. That's the way this condition works.

This condition IS treatable. Is there a way you can get some help? Good luck.

pgell,

i am sure your father had ocd in a time when ocd was unknown and mental illness had 10x the stigma it has today. however, did you ever consider your mother had a form of scrupulosity, now known as an ocd symptom? telling you the devil is sitting on your left shoulder and symbolically flushing him down the toilet OVER and OVER again? I am guessing she did have OCD. How often did she go to confession? Do other religious rituals?

I was raised Catholic also and know unhealthy religious rituals and beliefs when i see or hear about them.

I can't let my food touch other certain foods that I feel don't "belong" together. But then I make weird concoctions with foods most people would even think of putting together, and it's like amazing. I have to eat the food in a certain order, and I freak out when I see other people's food touching. If I'm at a restaurant, I always move any touching foods away from other ones so they don't touch. I do all sorts of stuff, and have for years. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I've had the right side, left side thing going on for as long as I can remember though.

But I am planning on getting help once I move out of the house in 2 years.

ridethewave asked: "did you ever consider your mother had a form of scrupulosity, now known as an ocd symptom? telling you the devil is sitting on your left shoulder and symbolically flushing him down the toilet OVER and OVER again? I am guessing she did have OCD. How often did she go to confession? Do other religious rituals?"

I don't know if my mom has classic OCD. I might not have explained it properly, I was the one who flushed the devil down the toilet over and over again, SHE let me do it once, and I kept doing it. Yeah, she went to Confession a lot, about twice a week. But, if you were raised Catholic, it is really HARD to tell what is the person's state and what is just living Thomas Aquinas or St. Augustus's OCD, LOL! (I think they both had it.) I am pretty good at telling OCDers, and she doesn't have the Classic Symptoms, but my dad does. He used to compulsively Bible read, repeately make the sign of the cross (he still does) etc. My mom most likely has some issues with Passive Aggression (no, not "most likely" she DOES) I am not sure about OCD. She used to be pretty cruel to me about the OCD when I was a kid, and my dad was understanding.